*An old lady comes up to order.*
Lady: I want a steak and cheese sandwich with marinara sauce.
Me: Do you want a sub or an actual sandwich? *some people do actually order steak and cheese sandwiches, so I have to ask*
Lady: No! I don’t want lettuce and tomato and all that stuff! I just want sauce!
Me: ….okay. Six inch or twelve inch?
Lady: Six inch.

(I work behind the customer service desk, and we handle lottery sales. Three of our big lotteries are Pick 3, Pick 4 and Pick 5. They have a midday and an evening drawing. A customer comes up to my counter looking disgruntled.)

Customer: What was the winning midday number?
Me: (knowing she meant one of the ‘Pick’ lotteries) For which one?
Customer: (under her breath) Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. *places a Pick 3 ticket on the counter*
Me: Is that a winner or a replay?
Customer: I don’t know! I don’t know what the midday number was!
Me: …
(All she had to was say it was for the Pick 3!)

Customer: I need to make a return. Your co-worker sold me the wrong thing. I need a product that does [specific function].
Me: Of course. But this product does that exactly. *demonstrates function*
Customer: ….
Customer: What I meant to say was, your co-worker sold me the exact right thing!

Working guest services and a gentleman comes in first to ask where our washroom is. I direct him and he states it is locked.
me: “It is only locked when someone is using it”
(He tries again)
Guy: “yeah its still locked”
(you can clearly see that washroom from the lobby and no one has come out during this time)
Guy: “Do any of your rooms have kitchenettes and do you have a restaurant?”
me: “well we dont have a restaurant, but we do have hot breakfast and we give you 10% off (nearby restaurant). Also we don’t have kitchenettes but we do have fridges and microwaves in each room”
Guy: “ok well do you have deals if i stay 30 days?”
me: “You would want to talk to our general manager, I can get hold of him if you like. however you might have a company discount, what company do you work for?” Guy: ” (oil company) at least to START for discounts”
me: “ok your company gets a good discount, but we cannot add another discount to an already discounted rate”
Guy: “even though I’m here for 30 days?”
me: “no, but your company gets a great rate”
Guy: “ookay, cuuuuz im gunna be here for 30 days, but thats ok. What do you know about hotels nearby?”
Me: “I know (hotel 1) has a restaurant, but i dont know about their suites, or kitchenettes. I can look up their number and let you use our guest phone to call them.”
Guy: “ok and whats (hotel 1) rate?”
Me: “Im not sure, i dont have information on their rates. But once again you get a great rate through your company here. And we have…….”
Guys: “What about (hotel 2) I saw them on my way in, do they have a restaurant and kitchenettes?”
Me: “I know none of the hotels around us except (hotel 1) have a restaurant. and I dont know about their rooms”
Guy: “Well I just got hired for (oil company) and im going to be here for at least 30 days, I dont want to be eating out all the time. what about (names 2 more nearby hotels)?”
Me: “I’m not sure what other hotels have”
Guy: “ok well…. (stares blankly) what about (hotel 2)?”
me : (Giving up) “Im not sure”
Guy: “ok well I’ll look around” (Tries the bathroom again, no one has come out this entire conversation)

Neanderthal Hillibilly couple who may also be first cousins
(Man and women each have a purchase of their own)
Female specimen:(puts mop two inches away from my face) can you scan this so I can put it back in the cart
Me: uh um o-ok(finishes purchase hands her receipt rings up Neanderthal man
Female specimen: the hummus was supposed to be 2.50 they say 2.99 on my receipt (she has two, so yes 98 cents)
Me:ok you’re gonna have to go to guest service I can’t do anything about it now here at the register
Neanderthal: put those items in a separate(he meant to say different) bag that one has a hole in it (I proceed to do so)no why would you put those cookies with the fruit just put it in a different bag
Me: there’s no need to be rude sir
Neanderthal: no yur da one dats bean rude you told her to go to guest service instead of helping( me in a state of stress puts items back into torn bag) why are you doing that
Me: you need to be civil
Neanderthal: no you be civil I’m the customer YOU have to be nice to ME[condescendingly reads my name off name tag while insinuating that I must be nice to him under any circumstance whatsoever] so relax
Me:,:0 it’s not that I’m being rude I just can’t give the refund over here I’m not able to
Female specimen:why do I have to wait for the stores mistake
Me: we’ll I’m sorry but I CAN’T fix the problem here( both go silent I give them receipt and point them to cust. service. Minutes later I go to take a break and I see they are at cust. service yelling at the coworker and I go over and try to help eventually manager comes over and gives them their 1 dollar, technically 98 cents, and he demands the store managers number and claims he’s going to call. Best part is that later on my coworker said that he told her “go f#%* yourself” flashback-I’m the customer YOU have to be nice to ME
While I clearly just proved I really don’t although I wasn’t not being nice I also wasn’t exactly kissing a#%, they need to make stricter laws on incestuous relations otherwise this is what happens! we climb back down the evolutionary latter.