(I work as a guide in an old wooden church. A mother comes in with his 3-year-old son. They go in and look around for 5 to 10 minutes. As they come out, we hear the following:)

Mom: “This is a church.”

Son: “This is a church?!”

Mom: *to me and the other guide* “He though this was grandma’s place.”

(Two teammates of mine are having an argument.)

Teammate #1: “No! (Beach City near LA) is not Central Coast. It’s far from it. It’s the LA area!”

Teammate #2: “But it’s less than an hour from (big time beach party city). That’s obviously central coast.”

Teammate #1: “(Second City mentioned) is north of the mountains. (First city mentioned) is south of the mountains. Not central coast pal.”

Teammate #2: “Ok fine then. I’ll just have to tease (my name) about how (my hometown) is in SoCal when it’s in the Bay Area and northern half of the state.”

Me: “Actually (teammate #2), (my hometown) is south of the geographical center of California. So it actually technically is in Southern California despite being Bay Area.”

Teammate #3: “(teammate #2), how are you geography major and not flunked out yet?”

(I’m in an advanced Algebra 1 class in 8th grade, and while the class is smart, they’re also pretty immature and goofy. To try and keep things under control, the teacher (who’s a cool guy) has started a system where a first warning is your name on the board, one check next to your name is a second warning, and a second check is a detention. One particular day… )

Student 1 *after an increasingly off-topic attempt at derailing class*: “Well, can I be Hulk then?”

Teacher *smiling benevolently*: “Sure.” *writes ‘Hulk’ on the board*

(A while later, another student named Will gets into trouble.)

Teacher: *writes ‘Will’ on the board under ‘Hulk’*

(A couple minutes later, Student #3 does something particularly dumb and attracts the notice of the teacher.)

Student #3: “Sorry, I was being a bonehead, huh?”

Teacher: “Yup.” *writes ‘Bone’ on the board under ‘Will’*

(Student #4 then gets written up as ‘Dork’, much to his own amusement.)

*Teacher writes ‘Dork’ on the board under ‘Bone’*

(By this point the class is snickering because if you read out all four names, it reads ‘Hulk Will Bone Dork’.)

Teacher: “Why are you guys laughing?”

(Nobody explains, so he turns around and looks at the board, then realization hits…)

Teacher: *Erases all the names silently*

(Woman comes in all the time, bitter old lady who thinks she is god or something)

Customer: *walks up and sets a space heater on the counter and a few other items* How much is this? *pointing right at the price tag on the heater*

Me: $16,00 Ma’am

Customer: Too much, you give me it cheaper

Me: Ma’am I am not allowed to discount things like this just because you don’t agree with the price

Customer: *shoves the heater at me and storms out, yelling, *”You all stupid stupid f***s!!!”

I take my car into the local garage for an MOT, they are normally very good especially as they are owned by my work.

Mechanic: Well your MOT passed but there are some issues.

Me: Yeah I figured, it’s an old car. Anything serious?

Mechanic: Nothing to obad, but the lights need some adjustment. They are aftermarket ones right?

Me: Yeah, there was some problems with them I remember.

Mechanic: Well they aren’t fitted properly at all. We need a couple of hours to sort them out.

Me: That’s odd, because when I couldn’t fit them, I brought them here. Why don’t you check your records.

Mechanic: (Turning white) err yes, one moment.

(I wait for 20 minutes.)

Mechanic: We sorted your lights out for you, no charge.

Me: I thought you might say that.

(Not sure what happened, if the guy was new but it never came up on an MOT again!)