(A customer walks into the store where I was working. It was my second week working here and still pretty nervous. Most of this I can’t remember what happened due to something happening. The following occurred. )

Me: Hi, how can I help you?
Customer: *rattles off long order* And hurry up!
Me: Okay, that will come to $**.** and will be ready in 15 minu-
Customer: How the f*** does that come to that amount you f****** robber!
Me: *taken back by this* Um, they are $12.95 and by adding the half and half to your order that increases the amount.
Customer: What will it be if I just get one of them!?
Me: Okay, that will be $15.95 is-
Customer: You f****** robber stupid c*** sucker! Is there no respect for the badge anymore!?!
Me: I don’t understand what you are saying, sir.
Customer: *Screams* Just f****** die you stupid b****
*Customer then throws a menu at me and then grabs a glass bottle out of his jacket’s pocket and throws it at my face. It shatters and cuts my face up bad. Luckily, missing my eye with no damage to it. It was thrown hard enough to make me dazed and fall backward, I then passed out. I woke up later and couldn’t remember the ordeal. If you must know the customer got 7 years in Jail for the act and is still in there today as of writing this.

I have Tourrettes syndrome. Most of the time I get a lot of the same responses to my twitches, but if you say something original, I will generally let you have it. Here are some of my favorites.

#1. Me: “Yip, yip!”
Them: *starts frantically patting their pockets* “Oh s***, where are my car keys?!”

#2. Me: *inhales deeply and throws my head back*
Them: “Oh lord, she is possessed by the devil! *makes a finger cross* The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!”

#3. Me: *throwing my head back repeatedly* “Yup, yup!”
Them: See, she agrees with me!”

#4. Me: “Saw!”
Them: “Saw dude!”

#5. Me: “Ya, ya”
Them: “YA, YA!” *starts doing terrible dance moves to nonexistiting music*

#6. Me: “Ya, ya… Oorah!”
Them: “What are you a Marine now?”

#7. Me: *clicking repeatedly*
Them: “Sorry, I do not understand Morse code.”

#8. Me: “Beep, beep!”
Them: “Are you a car now?”

I work in a department store in a pretty “white-bread” suburb, and while we aren’t the most expensive store around, we aren’t in a “trashy” part of town either; but, I have seen some things personally, and heard of a lot more, among them: A woman and man (her new boyfriend?) were shopping, in the men’s department, when another man (the ex?) comes in and at first things are “just” unsettling, trading insults, saying ‘you can’t touch me’, etc,. Then it all devolves into a regular fistfight, right there in the store, in the middle of the men’s clothing, causing managers and security to come and try to break it up. Another time, same place, I saw a couple of girls (aged, maybe 20s?), come “running” down the escalator, and our security guy with them, apparently trying to arrest them. They must have been extremely stoned/high, etc, because they were fighting, physically fighting the security guy, so hard that they ended up taking him and about 3-4 male managers down with them, while another manager called the cops while the rest tried to hold the girls down. A lot of us workers were pretty shaken up with that, for a while.

(My family has been in legal battles with my birthfather over childsupport and related stuff for many years. Currently, these battles are between him and me, Me being the last child to still get child support. I am already of age, but in Germany you are still entitled to financial support if you have not finished your education yet. This applies to me as i am in college getting my first degree. The lawyer that used to handle all of our issues has recently retired, so i had to find a new one. The woman i hire is very competent and awesome in court, but with time i get two major problems with her:
Number 1: Our old lawyer always arraged for me not to have to attend the court dates and would either represent me on her own or arrange for my mother to be allowed to represent me. The new lawyer seems to be either unable or unwilling to do that. This is very anoying, since i moved away for college but the court dates are in my home district. The court seems to scedule all dates to be in the middle of the week, so to appear i have to spend money for the trains as well as miss at least 3 days of classes.
Number 2: It is incredibly hard to get her on the phone, which for me is the best way to contact her as i am almost never in my home state during office days.
One time i have to appear in court i miss several classes that are important for a very important exam a few weeks later. Train/weather issues make the way home and back to college a long and expensive mess. The trial itself takes less than an hour and is so obviously going in my favour i am wondering why the hell there even was a court date at all. My fathers claim is set to be dismissed as long as i provide a few pieces of documentation, which i do within the week.
College keeps me busy the next few moths, but when i hear nothing from the court after almost half a year, i email my lawyer for an update. She promisses to look into it. Two months later i get an email. It is friday, 10 AM, only two hours befor the office closes for the weekend.)

Email: Dear [my name], in your legal case the court has set a new court date for [date]. A copy of the summons is attached to this email. As you can see, your personal attendance has been requested, to please make sure to keep the date free from other appointments and to be there on time […]

(I am fed up. The first hearing was already a great waste of time and money on my part. Adding to that, the date is, again, in the middle of a week, this time clashing with classes of an intense and actually a bit expensive prep course that i have saved money to pay for for a while. I decide to call the lawyer and tell her she will have to find a way to get me out of this, since i will no be there. i contact my mother first and she warns me that the receptionists will pull every trick in the book to not let me talk to her, so i need to be firm and not let them push me around.)

Receptionist: Hello, this is [lawyers office]!
Me: Hi! I am [my name], a client of [lawyer]. I have just recieved an email from your office and need to speak to [lawyer] about it urgently.
Receptionist: I am so sorry, but [lawyer] at curretnly busy with a telephone appointment, would you mind calling back later?
Me: [deciding to indulge her the first time] Sure, no problem! What time exactely will she be free to talk to me?
Receptionist: [sounding unsure, seems not prepared to answer that question] Well…… i think in about 30 minutes?
Me: Perfect, i will call again in 30!

(I hang up. To pass the time, i return to my computer and open the attachment. The first thing that irks me is the date stamp on the first page. The office has gotten the summons on wednesday morning, but they waited to send it till friday morning, not having any reason to believe i would be home and checking my email in time to call them befor the office closes for the weekend.
I keep reading when i notice something else: On the list of people that are required to appear in front of court, my name is missing. It only lists my lawyer, as well as my fathers lawyer. I pull up my copy of the summons for the last court date and check the list there: My lawyers name, my name, my fathers lawyers name, my fathers name. It takes a second for the realization to sink in: I am actually not requested to appear in front of court at all! Now really angry, i call the office again imediately. I keep my tone nice and unassuming, however. Less than 10 minutes have passed since the first call and i reach the same Receptionist)

Me: Hello! This is [my name] again, calling for [lawyer]?
Receptionist: I am sorry, [lawyer] is at an office meeting right now, would you mind calling back later?
Me: She is at an office meeting? Oh my, that must have been a really short telephone appointment!
(I can almost hear the gears clicking when the Receptionist realizes that she told be just minutes befor the lawyer would be free to talk to me after her phonecall at 10:30, but now complete contradicted herself.)
Receptionist: [with unsure voice] Oh….well…It’s a very short meeting?
Me: Oh, that is no problem, i can wait for her to finish the meeting! You don’t mind if i stay in the line until then, do you? i have a telephone flatrate and this way i will not miss when she is done with her meeting!
Receptionist: [voice now paniky] No, no, that is really not possible! You cannot stay in the line! You have to call back later!
Me: [dropping the nice-girl-voice] Ok, let me tell you how this will go down: I will call back later, I have no problem with that. However, you will tell me the exact time i can call and speak to [lawyer]. And believe me, i will speak to her TODAY! Then she can explain to me why your office decides it is ok to LIE to me!
Receptionist: [voice now very quiet] What?
Me: As i said earlier, i recieved an email from your office about an ongoing case of mine. The info in the email differs from the one in the attached summons on a very important aspect and i would like for [lawyer] to explain this to me!
Receptionist: When did we send you that email?
Me: The timestamp on my end says 9:55 today.
Receptionist: [clinking of keyboard in the background] well…….whats your email adress?
Me: [firstname][lastname]@[provider]
Receptionist: OH! There is is! [tone turns accusing] The time stamp says we sent it at 9:54! [voice turns cheery] Well, seems this was just a mistake then, glad we were able to solve this! Bye!
Me: Wait a second! What exactely was a mistake? And how did we just solve it?
Receptionist: We sent you an email with an attachment that was not about your case, like you said! So you can just ignore it!
Me: Stop right there! I never said that! The attachment is about my case! It is just that the email text says that i have to appear in person in front of the court, but the summons says the opposite!
Recetionist: [reading the email text while quietly wispering the words]…..Yes, the email says you have to appear in person.
Me: I know. But if you open the attached summons and check the list of the requested people, my name is not on there!
Receptionist: [wispering the words of the first page]
Me: The list is on page 4, bottom half of the page.
Receptionist: [wispers names on the list]……your name is not listed here.
Me: Exactely. But if my presence were requested, it would be. This means that i am aparently not requested to show up after all, even though your email said otherwise. The reason why you email this stuff to me is that i moved away for college and live out-of-state now! In order to be present for the court date, i would have to travel back home and miss several days worth of classes, neither of which i will see any kind of compensation for. So this is a big deal for me. That is why i want to speak to [lawyer], so she can explain to me what happened here!
Receptionist: [voice quiet again] So… you actually should talk to lawyer?
Me: [cheery voice] Awesome idea! And believe it or not, that is just why i called today!
Receptionist: [now sounding rushed] All right, i will go talk to [lawyer]. She will call you back within this hour!
Me: Sound good! If i have not heard from her by 11:05, i will call you again, ok?

(My phone rings 15 minutes later.)
Receptionist: Hello, this is [lawyers office]! I just spoke to [lawyer] about that email issue. It seems like this was just an honest mistake on our part. You are clearly not prequested to attend the court date in person. We are terribly sorry about that. [lawyer] will email you after the court date to tell you what happened.

(I still had not heard anything from my lawyer herself and there was still the issue of them sending me the summons late, but i decide to let is rest. At the court date, my lawyers agrees to a deal. While we don’t see why we should settle instead of getting a verdict that would be in our favour, the deal gives us enough of what we wanted that we decide to trust her and accept it. It is only after the deadline to withdraw from the deal has passed that we find out that since the deal did not say who would pay the legal costs, both sides will have to carry half of the costs each and pay for their respective representation themselves. Had there been a verdict in my favour, my father would have had to carry the full cost as well as some of the cost for my representation. Both me and my mother had told the lawyer several times that we would under no circumstances be willing to carry part of the costs as it was my father that sued me with bogus claims. After i pointed that out via email, too angry to speak on the phone, she refused to apologies or admit any guilt. I have not talked to her since and am very happy that i will graduate soon, so i will no longer have to relie on my fathers support and have to deal with [lawyer] or finding a replacement for her the next time he decides to sue.)

(Little background. I work night shift for security, 5 days a week, from 10 pm to 6 am. I normally have a patrol person who can investigate stuff happening but they leave between 12 pm and 3 am, tonight they left at 12 pm. I am not allowed to leave the building, I have to keep an eye on all the cameras, answer the gate phone, and answer the general phone. Lastly this property is made up of a number of individual properties that are owned by different people and rented out or lived in full time, the property is managed by a board of directors made up of owners who are elected by other owners. I get this call at about 2 am, the building I work at is called central, so I just answer as that.)

Me: Hello Central

Caller: Yes, hello I need you to send patrol to tow my car. I took a wrong turn, tried to turn around in a parking lot, and bottomed out. Send patrol to tow my car out.

Me: I’m sorry sir but all of my patrol personnel have left for the night, they won’t be back until at the earliest 7 am. Further more even if they were here they couldn’t do anything for you. Our trucks aren’t fitted to tow other vehicles and they couldn’t take the risk of damaging your car or (Company) property. I can give you the number of a tow truck company that we recommend but as it’s not winter and there is no snow they likely are closed till the morning.

Caller: That’s unacceptable send patrol out here now. I’m stuck and I need to get home.

Me: Like I said sir I cannot send patrol because they have all gone home, I haven’t had patrol for nearly 2 hours.

Caller: Then you get in the truck and come help me.

Me: I’m sorry sir I can’t leave the building I’m in as I’m the only person here to answer the phones.

Caller: Hold on, I’m going to check something out.

(The caller hangs up, I assume to check to see how badly his car is stuck and if he can get it out himself. He calls back a little while later.)

Me: Hello Central.

Caller: I need you to look up the phone number of this car and call them and ask them to come help me. It’s (make and color of a very common car).

Me: Sir that is a very common car, with just that I get well over a hundred results. And even if I found it why should I call them when you can simply go knock on their door?

Caller: I don’t want to get shot!

(I’m very confused by this as the last thing I would expect when politely knocking on someones door would be to get shot. This is rural Georgia but still, shooting a guy at the door simply for knocking is quite a leap of logic.)

Me: Sir I don’t think you will get shot simply for knocking on a persons door and asking for help. And even then what could they do?

Caller: I don’t want to get shot just find the number matching the car and call them and tell them to come out here and help me.

Me: Sir unless they have a tow truck they won’t be of any more help to you than me.

(Caller is getting more and more agitated, at this point he is starting to yell.)

Caller: Well this is unacceptable. Call your Manager and have them send a patrol car out to help me then if you’re so useless.

Me: Alright I will call my supervisor, is it alright to call you back at this number?

Caller: Yes, now hurry I don’t want to get shot out here.

(At this point it’s about 2:15 to 2:20 in the morning, I call the roads and grounds supervisor, as that’s what the sign on the board says to do for vaguely this type of situation. He says there’s nothing his people can do even if he was willing to wake them up for it, and I should call the patrol manager. I call him, he is a really nice guy and I always feel bad about calling him in the middle of the night. He tells me pretty much what I already know, patrol can’t do anything, not even give him a ride as it’s against company policy to have non-employees in the trucks. I call the guy back and tell him)

Me: Hello again. As I told you, and my supervisors agreed, we can’t offer anything other than to offer you the number of a tow truck company. And again they likely won’t be open till the morning.

Caller: (yelling) That is unacceptable. I am an owner on the board. If I was a guest do you thing I would ever rent here again? do you think I would ever rent here again?(He just repeats this sentence over and over for over a minute, not even giving me a chance to respond. At this point I’m pissed and just hang up on him.)

About a minute or two after I hung up he called back, probably when he realized the line was disconnected.

Me: Hello Central.

Caller: Did you just hang up on me?

Me: No sir I did not, we have been having trouble with our phone lines since the last storm.

Caller: Oh alright. (he actually believed this, which is nice, since it was a complete lie, our phones are land lines and never go down.) But do you think a guest would ever rent here again after how you have treated me?

Me: Sir I don’t know. For one that is a question for booking or reservation, I only work security. Secondly it doesn’t matter who you are I can’t do anything for you.

Caller: There must be something you can do. I’m a board member and I’m stuck out here with to female friends. Call your manager and tell him it’s (Callers name) at (Callers lot number) and he must do something.

Me: Alright give me a minute.

(I call my manager, the patrol security one, and tell him what’s been going on. He says he has never heard of a board member by that name but even if he was a board member it wouldn’t change what we could do. He is finally getting annoyed by it, he is a really nice guy and it takes a lot to get him agitated. He says the only thing we can offer him is to call the sheriffs department to do something, likely give him a ride home. I apologize to my manager for waking him at such an hour for something so annoying.)

Me: Hello sir I have spoken with my manager and there isn’t anything I can offer except- (He cuts me off)

Caller: I am a board member, you need to show me respect and send a patrol car to get me out of this ditch.

(I’m fed up at this point but some how remain professional.)

Me: Sir even if I had patrol there is nothing they could do. Our trucks aren’t fitted to tow cars, and they can’t take the risk of damaging either your car or our trucks. They couldn’t even give you a ride as it’s against company policy to have non-employees in the trucks. All patrol could do is sit there with you until a tow truck comes in the morning.

Caller: This is outrageous, give me your name I will be reporting your and have you fired.

(An important note is that I’m actually the son of the General Manager of the property, and while the GM is an employee of the board, I am an employee of the security department, so there is nothing this guy could do to get me fired. Not even make my dads job harder as I highly doubt he is a board member. And the only reason I took this job was to help my dad, the security manager, not the one I called, is always complaining about being short staffed. Plus the pay was good. But I didn’t even care if he got me fired, I was planning on leaving soon anyway.)

Me: Fine I’m (my name).

Caller: Thank you now how are you going to help me.

(At this point I know he isn’t a board member. My family has a bit of an unusual last name, and we are the only people in the area to have it. And all of the board members know who I am and I’ve met several. So if he didn’t imminently recognize me or at least my last name he isn’t on the board.)

Me: Sir all I can do is offer to call the sheriffs department and have them send a patrol car to either wait with you or give you a ride home.

Caller: ……

Me: Sir? Mr. (callers names)

Caller:…..

Me: Sir? Are you there?

this went on for nearly a minute before I hung up. he never called back and I never heard anything from him and I didn’t get fired. Later found out from a coworker that he was driving drunk with two women, who were likely hookers, and ran his car into a ditch. And the reason he ghosted me was because he didn’t want to get arrested. And found out from my dad that he was an owner who was well known for giving people a hard time and being an all around pain.