(So, I am a brand new cashier and usually we get about 2 weeks of training. I ended up getting only 1 because I was efficient and smart enough to be out on my own. We have a bakery in back which sometimes the food begins to go bad so the people in produce put it on our discount rack. This is a relatively small store and it is the 4th of July.) This lady come up to my counter with two loaves of rye bread in hand. She plops then down in front of me along with many more items. She points to one of the rye breads and says, “This one was on sale too! I found it on the discount rack!” I calmly looked at her and said, “well, maybe someone saw the other discount rye bread and left it there. It happens all the time.” And this woman begins getting angry. She had a friend with her who was watching the whole ordeal. “No, it had a sticker on it and it fell off!” Now, we usually put multiple stickers on our reduced items. And they don’t fall off. Before I could open my mouth to speak she began having a temper tantrum. “I am not paying full price for rye bread that’s just going to get gross and moldy and two days! It was discount! It fell off the sticker fell off!” While she was whining I was scanning her items and bagging them as fast as I could. Finally in the middle of her rant she says, “I will not pay full price for this!” And leaves the counter to the bakery section. I watched as this woman harassed a lady in the bakery, her friend stood awkwardly by. I told her to go to the register across from me, and my coworker was watching this whole thing go down. I waited for about five minutes for this lady comes back with a new loaf of rye bread. I rang it up and the lady asked if I rang up her customer loyalty card and I said no. So I go to ring it up, lo and behold the whole site crashes momentarily. “Ma’am,” I said calmly. “I may have to re scan your items.” She went off the deep end again saying, “Oh now you have to scan them? They were just bagged!!” Mind you, they’ve been sitting in the bag the whole damn ordeal. I find out that it had saved, didn’t put in her card, and sent her on her way as fast as I could. My coworker walked over to me and said, “All that over $1.00 less rye bread?”

Growing up my dad got me into comics and superheros, especially a certain webslinger. As such I pride myself on self on knowing who’s who in the latest superhero movies coming out. Me and my husband are currently sitting on the couch, I’m reading stories on my phone while he is playing the latest webslinger game to come out on the TV. For what ever reason I proceed to have the biggest brain fart come on to me at this moment.
Me:oh hey I forgot they made a new Webslinger game. It’s good to see (original Webslinger trilogy actor) getting work again.
Husband: (pauses the game and looks at me like I’ve grown two heads) babe…
Me: (looks back at him) what?
Husband: did…did you really just…
It takes me a full minute almost to realize what I had just said. And we had just watched the lastest movie in theaters the other day as well
Me: Don’t you dare repeat this back to my dad…

We have only ever had two sizes of coffee – small and large. No regular, no normal, no medium. Small and large, that’s it. We have them displayed in front of the register so customers can clearly see the sizes.
This particular customer orders a chai latte.
Me: *indicating to the cups* Would you like small or large?
Customer: *looks at cups* regular.
Me: We only have small or large.
Customer: I *said* regular.
Me: (Picking up the cups to demonstrate) We have small. (I shake it) And large. (I shake it as well.) Which one do you want?
Customer: I wanted regular, but I guess if you don’t have it I’ll have large.

(I’ve had a long day and am at the pharmacy to pick up my medication.)
Pharmacy Tech: Ma’am would you like the information papers that go with you medication?
Me: (As I grab the papers to put into my bag) No thank you, I don’t want them, you can toss them.
Pharmacy Tech: (Sees me grab the papers) So you would like the papers then ma’am?
Me: (Papers are now in the plastic bag along with my medicine) No, I just said I don’t want the papers.
Pharmacy Tech: Ok ma’am but you just put the papers in your bag?
Me: (Looks at papers in my bag) Oh…oh no, I’m one of those annoying customers! I’m so sorry, I’ve had a long day. I guess I will take the papers. (I start smiling and laughing at my stupidity)
Pharmacy Tech: (smiles and laughs with me) It’s ok, at least you realized pretty quickly and didn’t get really angry. Have a good day.
Me: Thank you, you too. I hope I’m your last stupid customer of the day!

(My name is 3 syllables, and most people call me by the first syllable, which I like, but I’ve always had my whole name on my name tags. Our company got new name tags recently, which are engraved, and I thought it would be fun to put the shortened version of my name on it, especially since most people call me that anyway. I usually call myself the shortened version as well, and write it out on customer order forms and stuff, so I thought it made sense. But ever since, people will NOT stop commenting on it, it’s like they all refuse to accept that I like the shortened version of my name and it’s so annoying. Like…)

Customer #1: What, the company didn’t have enough money to put your whole name on your name tag?

Customer #2: Do you go by *shortened name* or *full name*?
Me: (looks at name tag slowly. looks at customer) *shortened name*

Customer #3: Do you like *shortened name* or *long name*?
Me: *Shortened name*
Customer #3: That’s a shame. *longer name* is so pretty.

Customer #4: That’s not your name!
Me: … yes it is.
Customer #4: No! I’ve never called you that before!
Me: Oh, well my name tag used to say *longer name*
Customer #5: Oh! Well have a great day, *longer name*!

Customer #6: What’s your name short for?
Me: *longer name*
Customer #6: Thanks, have a great day *longer name*

Me: (answering the phone) Thanks for calling *store*, *short name* speaking
Customer: Hello *longer name*

BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED

Customer: Is *shortened name* short for *longer name?*
Customer’s Friend: Why does her name have to be short for something?
Customer: Well it’s gotta be short for something. Is it short for *longer name*?
Customer’s Friend: Why does it have to be short for *longer name*?
Customer: What else would it be short for?
Me: (lists three other names it could be short for)
Customer: Ok. So which is it?
Customer’s Friend: Why does *shortened name* have to be short for something? How about her name is just *shortened name*?
Customer: What’s it short for?
Me: Nothing. My name is just *shortened name*

(that customer’s friend really made my day, and now when people ask what my name is short for, I just tell them my name is what’s on my name tag. Obviously that’s what I want people to call me if it’s on my name tag!)