Unfiltered Story #66962

Unfiltered | October 3, 2015

(Because it is private property, this amusement park does not have to let guns onto the premises, even on off-duty police officers or others licensed to carry. An man is trying to get through the metal detectors with a gun. One of the security members at the gates stops him.)

Man: Hey, it’s okay, I’m a government official.

Coworker: I’m sorry, we can’t allow guns on the premises.

Man: That’s unconstitutional!

Coworker: Actually, we’re private property and we can restrict firearms, same as a school could. Only on-duty police can bring in guns. If you’re concerned about your safety, we have armed on-duty police in the park at all times. We have our own force.

Man: But I’m a government official! I can carry this!

(My coworker looks skeptical.)

Coworker: … What kind of government official?

Man: (Drawing himself up proudly) Fish and wildlife!

(It took all the power of the security staff not to crack up right there. He continued badgering us for nearly an hour, eventually becoming angry, shouting and throwing small objects at us, at which point we were allowed to threaten him with a ban. As he left –)

Coworker 2: Don’t worry! If I see a duck in danger, I’ll be sure to call you!

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Unfiltered Story #32147

Unfiltered | October 3, 2015

(My class is an advanced math/science course, so we get to go on an overnight educational field trip. The place we are going is a few hours away, so we are watching movies on the bus. Right now the movie ‘Mr. Peabody and Sherman’ is playing, a movie that involves time travel.)

Other Student: (referring to events in the movie) That’s how I’m going to get a girl. I’ll offer her a trip on my time machine.

Me: I already have a time machine!

Other student: You do?

Me: Yep!

(Sure enough, I pull out a miniature Doctor Who TARDIS from my backpack. It’s a container for a card game I brought on the trip)

Unfiltered Story #27874

Unfiltered | October 2, 2015

(My best friend has a “problem” where she almost always fails to say something nice without adding something a little bit insulting to it at the same time. Usually I don’t mind that quirk. We are out on the town celebrating my recent engagement.)

[Friend]: You don’t know how lucky you are! I mean, you’re engaged, and he loves you, no matter what.

Me: *smiling* I know. I’m incredibly happy.

[Friend]: He loves you even though you can be so *unbelievably* hard to be around! I mean, loving you like that, even though you have the flaws you do… And you really have flaws! It’s unbelievable!

(I don’t really know what to say, but it hurts me a lot, and I end up walking home with tears in my eyes. The next day, I’m over it, and we’re playing a quiz game with my fiancé and another friend. It’s a running joke that [Best friend] usually gets the answers wrong.)

[Fiancé]: What is the name of the leaf the koala bear likes to eat?

[Other friend]: Oh. I don’t know…

Me: Come on! Even [Best friend] would know this!

[Best friend]: Hey!

Me: *laughing* Come on, why can’t I joke like that when you said it’s unbelievable my fiance loves me even with all of my flaws? (Everyone laughs)

[Best friend]: (coldly) I can’t believe you would say that. I’m *really* mad at you now. Why would you say that?!

Me: …

Unfiltered Story #47572

Unfiltered | October 2, 2015

(There are four girls in my family– myself and my three younger sisters. Sometimes my parents will call us by the wrong names/need a minute to come up with the right one.)

Sister: Sometimes I don’t feel as loved because I’m one of the middle children.

Mom: Of course we love you, uhm….uh…*snaps fingers, clearly drawing a blank on the name* Uhm…

Unfiltered Story #56600

Unfiltered | October 2, 2015

I am an 18 year old, new nursing student at my local college. We are doing our first ever med pass and being a nervous wreck, I make a small error in my dosage calculation. The instructor is pretty laid back.

Me: “I will give half a tablet.”

Instructor: “Who in the world taught you how to do math?!”

Me: “Your mom.”

He looks at me like I am insane before realizing that I graduated from the high school his mother teaches math at. Yes, she really did teach me Algebra 1. We had a good laugh about it.

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