A gentleman calls in to the insurance agency where I work. This is a relatively popular agency that provides a variety of coverages across the US, so many people have seen our television commercials.
Due to my licensing, I am able to provide a certain level of service; however, I cannot provide quotes on some products. This is normally not a big deal, because there are four other people in the office who ARE licensed to provide quotes, who work on commission, and for whom doing so is their main job function.
Me: (answering the phone) Thank you for calling (business), how may I help you?
Him: I need to know if my daughter can get a discount.
Me: I’ll be happy to look into that! Is your daughter currently covered by (our business)?
Him: She needs a discount.
Me: We have many discounts available. Does she currently have a policy with us?
Him: Yes. Yes.
Me: Ok. Is she on her own coverage, or is she listed on your coverage?
Him: Yes. She needs a discount. I have all the paperwork.
Me: We can investigate discounts, but I need to know if she is on her coverage, or has her own policy.
Him: (rattles off policy number)
Me: Ok, I see that’s a policy for Mr. (name). Are you Mr. (name)?
Him: Yes, but I need to give my daughter discounts! I have all the paperwork. I do not understand this!
Me: I see you have (person A) and (person B) listed on this policy. Which is your daughter?
Him: (PERSON B)! She needs discounts! I have all of the paperwork.
Me: Great! Ok. Now I see she is on several of your policies. Are we looking at discounts for auto, renters, or commercial?
Him: PERSON B! DISCOUNTS! MY FRIEND! WHY IS THIS SO HARD??
Me: I am asking for more information because I see she has quite a few discounts. (I list off approximately six discounts that are currently applied to the coverages she shares.) So, that’s what we currently have listed for Person B. What discount would you like to apply?
Him: The police discount.
Me: I’m sorry?
Him: I talked to the police. They said she could get a discount on her insurance.
Me: Did they happen to specify what type of discount?
Him: Because she drives well.
Me: Yes, she’s already got that discount. (I name the proprietary moniker for the discount and explain how it works)
Him: NO! THE POLICE DISCOUNT! My friend, you are in the wrong business if you do not know what I mean!
Me: Let’s look at it this way: there are three discounts available that she is not receiving right now. (I list them off and explain each one)
Him: That is NOT what the police said.
Me: I’m sorry, but we don’t offer any additional discounts.
Him: What about (another company’s discount)?
Me: That’s actually offered by (another company), not us. It is the same principle as (proprietary discount) though. (explains how it works)
Him: The police will come for you if you do not give my daughter this discount.
Me: We can certainly talk to the police, but I’m afraid they would not be authorized to review your daughter’s insurance, since that’s your policy.
Him: What if we start a new policy in my daughter’s name?
Me: It is possible she would qualify for different discounts if she had her own policy, yes.
Him: Let’s do that now.
Me: Since your daughter is over 18, we would need to talk to her.
Him: No. We do it now.
Me: Is your daughter there? Can she authorize us to speak to you?
Him: Yes. Yes. We do it now.
Me: Ok, then I’ll just need to grab one of my quote specialists. If you and your daughter can hang on just a moment.
Him: NO! MY FRIEND! YOU JUST NEED TO GIVE THE POLICE DISCOUNT!
Me: Mr. (name), I’m unable to help you further, but I can connect you instantly to a licensed agent. Just one moment.
I already had an agent lined up via Instant Messenger. Unfortunately, the customer hung up shortly after he was transferred, because the other agent was also unfamiliar with the police discount that doesn’t exist.
A week later, he came in with a variety of flyers from different insurance companies, offering discounts. He was enraged that we would not give him other companies’ discounts for his daughter’s coverage. He also had a handwritten note from a police officer, recommending he check out a good student type of discount… which the daughter already had. He spoke to every agent in our office, as well as the owner, before we connected him with Corporate, who advised him the same thing. When I left a year later, he was still calling periodically to get the Police Discount (which still didn’t exist).

I’m not the good guy in this story, and things could have very easily ended horribly.

I have two dogs, a large mutt and a greyhound. They’re both rescues, and unfortunately neither was socialised properly when they were young. So they’re not always dog-friendly, and only people-friendly most of the time.

When being walked, they will lunge at other dogs and people with little warning, and all of my processing is focused on preventing this. If and when I fail, I’m focused on keeping them away from their would-be victim and preventing them from wrapping their leads around their necks.

They are always muzzled when we leave the house, and for good reason. The mutt bit me, completely my fault and there’s no lasting damage. He was going to lunge at a dog on the opposite side of a very busy road, so I pulled on his fur in a panic, which was less than appreciated. The greyhound is muzzled for the safety of all the cats and small dogs who live nearby.

This story only actually involves the mutt, but I didn’t want to pretend my greyhound doesn’t exist. After taking him to the vet, I pick up some dog food from the connected pet shop. I would not normally take him to the pet shop, but we were already there and I was too lazy to walk the 45 minutes it would take to go home just to have to come back again.

At this pet shop, the single till is right in front of the entrance. There is then a choice of four aisles to walk down, or you can enter the vet. I’m waiting in the queue at the end of the second aisle, leaving plenty of space between me and the paying customer due to the everything going on right now, when someone new enter the shop.

This someone has with them a small fluffy dog and a kid who’s maybe four-ish. I’m concerned about how my dog is going to react to this new dog, so put the food down on the thankfully empty shelf beside me and grab his collar with my right hand. He’s sat waiting like a good boy, but his gaze is trained on the other dog. I know that if he starts to lower his body, he’s about to lunge. I also know that if I get him to stand up, he’ll likely lunge, so I’m staying right here until they’ve gone past.

The three of them approach, and I figure they’re heading for either the third aisle and just need to walk a little closer to us than is comfortable to get to it. I’m focused completely on what my dog and the other dog are doing, completely disregarding the toddler. I’m vaguely aware that the parent customer is telling the child customer to follow after her, so don’t pay enough attention to what the toddler is doing. Big mistake.

Slowly, my attention is drawn away from the other dog and towards the toddler who is completely ignoring their parent and approaching my dog with an outstretched hand. I freeze. My brain is struggling to process what exactly is happening, and by the time I manage to form words, this kid is far too close for how politely I worded my warning.

“Can you not put your fingers in his muzzle please?”

<i>Thankfully,</i> my dog decided he wasn’t scared of this smaller-than-average human and didn’t do anything. The kid let go of his muzzle after I spoke, and went back to their parent without much fuss, and I quickly paid and left.

I wish my stupid brain could process stuff properly so that I wouldn’t have to rely on luck to prevent disasters from happening.

(Years ago, when I was 18, my brother and I were in a major car accident. It was a head on collision caused by the intoxicated driver of the other vehicle. I am in rough shape, but my brother has it worse and is stuck in the wrecked car. I am taken to hospital by ambulance and have a number of things tested and checked. During my chest x-rays, I feel the lead apron is not properly covering my male anatomy. I am not sure, in the moment, if this can cause sterilisation so I am trying to adjust it. It’s difficult to do this by myself, as I am hurt and find it difficult even to breathe.)

X-Ray Tech: “Please remain still.

Me: “Sorry, just give me a moment.” *continues trying to move the apron*

XRT: “Don’t move, or I can’t take the picture.”

Me: “I just don’t think this is on quite right. I think it’s too low.”

XRT: “It’s fine. Stop moving!”

Me: “Can you help me, please?”

XRT: “I do this all the time, I know what I’m doing. It’s fine! Just stop fidgeting.”

(The apron finally cooperates, and I am able to move it to a better spot. I am now reasonably sure I won’t be sterilised by the X-Ray. I begin silently weeping and try to be still for the tech to take the picture.)

XRT: “There! finally. Was that so hard?”

Me: *continues silently weeping*

(A note for people in the healthcare business: You might do this all the time, but the patient most certainly does not. You may have been taking the same X-Rays on someone else just 20 minutes ago, mister X-Ray Tech. But 20 minutes ago I had been watching my brother struggle in pain while pinned inside a crumpled car, not sure if his injuries were life threatening. I deserved a minute. And I have the right to make a choice about my own health and safety. For anyone curious, my brother did need multiple surgeries but made a full recovery.)

The trains in the Netherlands have certain wagons designated as ‘silence coupés’, where you are not allowed to talk loudly, or have music on really loud. Only whispering and head/earphones are allowed. These wagons are for the commuters who just want a bit of silence during their commute. I use these wagons a lot myself because I am definitely not a morning person.
There are some people, however, who ignore the rules completely, one example sticking with me to this day:
This person took out his Tupperware box, took out a giant corncob, and started to eat it really loudly and disgustingly at 7:30 in the morning in the ‘silence coupé’. He ignored everyone’s foul stares and continued to gobble it up until the cob was clean. The smell, the noises, it was horrible…
To this day I cannot imagine why he would think it was a good idea to eat that in the early morning and how he did not notice all the angry eyes fixed on him…

(My friend is the customer in this story).

My friend: Large set number 2 please
Employee: Ok, ‘which issss?’
My friend: Set number 2, large.
Employee: Yes, I know, ‘which isss?’
This goes back and forth another 2 times.
Finally the employee show the stuff: You want to add?
My friend: Ohhhhhh..with Cheese? Yes please.