Me: “Good morning this is *timber company* how can I help?

Customer: “Is that *timber company*?

Me: “Yes Sir, how can I help?”

Customer: “Do you sell timber?”

It’s amazing how many times this has happened. 😑

(My family is at church. My mom has stayed home and my father is on usher duty, which leaves me and my three younger brothers alone in the pew for everything except the main sermon. I’m sixteen and my brothers are ages fourteen, nine, and seven. I attempt to keep the peace, since the nine-year-old will pick a verbal fight with anyone, anytime, anywhere, and neither of the other two are easily goaded into fighting with him, sometimes physically. I end up reprimanding them several times before the opening worship ends. An older lady in the pew behind us sees all this and brings up my exasperated parent-like behavior during the congregational greeting.)

Lady: *joking* “Are you the mother today?”

Me: *looks at my squabbling brothers* “At this point, I might as well be.”

(“Chicken” is a common pet name in Ireland. My three-year-old daughter and I frequently visit one particular café to the point of her being good friends with one particular staff member. We were just getting ready to pay and leave when this happened…)

Staff BFF: *Clearing tables nearby* “Bye Chicken!”

Daughter: *loud and deadpan* “I am not a chicken.”

(Anyone who heard her immediately burst out laughing – thankfully, her BFF included…)

(I used to work in corporate. While I didn’t answer the phones that much, I did have an office phone. One day, the phone rings. I don’t recognize the number and it’s not one of our internal numbers, but I decide to answer anyway.)

Me: This is [my name].

Caller: *extremely irate* I keep getting phone calls from this number! You need to stop f****ing calling me! *launches into profanity laden rant*.

Me: Ma’am . . .you’ve called [company]. I think you’ve got the wrong number.

Caller: *completely changes her tone* Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! *click*

(No harm done, but maybe next time make sure you have the right number before you lay into whoever answer the phone?)

(Even in the internet age, the call center still takes a lot of orders over the phone. Most are for delivery, but we also have will call pickup available for those who live near one of our warehouses. I get variations of this conversation multiple times a day.)

Me: Your order will be ready for pickup in will call in 45 minutes.

Caller: Okay. So, do you have everything in stock?

(One day, if I’m ever leaving this job, I want to ask one of these callers how they think they can pick up their order in 45 minutes if we don’t have it in stock.)