Unfiltered Story #56814

Unfiltered | May 3, 2016

(Ok so I work at a big box store on the overnight shift. One of our assistant managers is on vacation and we have a day shift assistant manager filling in for him. It’s about an hour from our shift ending and my supervisor is out on the floor cleaning when this happens)

Dayshifter: *pulling a pallet through the area where I’m straightening up* …I thought we had two machines…

Me:…We do*blink*

Dayshifter: So where’s the second one?

Me: *voice very flat and dead serious* Under (supervisor)’s butt….

Dayshifter: Oh….well the floor should be clean then*leaves*

Unfiltered Story #18436

Unfiltered | May 3, 2016

(I was a bit broke during this time, and saw a guy offered a package of food for free on Facebook. I made an appointment with him to pick it up at his place. I went there after class, having eaten nothing for half the day, I was starving.)

The guy: ‘Hey! Give me two minutes, I’ll pick up the food upstairs.’
Me: ‘Okay.’
The guy: ‘Here you go. By the way, my housemates ordered too much takeaway, so they have a lot of leftover now. They were asking if you want it.’

(Note: This was the first time I met this guy and I had no idea whom his housemates were.)

Me: ‘What? …Sure, why not?’

(He then went back upstairs and brought a bag full of food that looked barely untouched.)

The guy: ‘Here, take care of yourself, yeah?’

(I biked home happily and the food was really good! Thanks, guy and housemates!)

Unfiltered Story #67172

Unfiltered | May 3, 2016

I have a woman customer who is always complaining about something.

Before she hired me to cut the grass she hired a local fertilization company to fertilize and take care of the weeds.

The yard is in terrible condition.

Pure crabgrass and the fertilization company keeps promising to come and treat it but never does and refuses to return her calls.

I spay a small area and the next week that crabgrass is dead. I tell her to call her fertilization company as this is what she is paying them for.

They tell her the reason she has crabgrass is because I bag the grass so she deducts $50 from my bill and fires me.

Turns out she has been through 5 landscape companies in 2 years and is always finding a way to not pay for something.

Unfiltered Story #47781

Unfiltered | May 2, 2016

Brother: *my name*, you’re a loser.

Me: Shut up, or I’ll use the force!

Brother: You have the force?!

Me: Yeah, I’m a jedi!

Unfiltered Story #28086

Unfiltered | May 2, 2016

(i invited 4 of my friends over to my house to work on an assignment, but since we finished early we wrapped ourselves up on a sheet and sat on the couch to play a fighting game. friends 1 and 2 are male and friend 3 and i are female. i’m prone to make sexual or plain weird jokes and my male friends are prone to do homoerotic jokes that go too far.)

me: *after being defeated* FUCK! *looks at friends 1 and 2 and notices friend 1 (who isnt playing) has his hands to his right (where friend 2 is) and you, stop jerking f2 off!

f2: *most likely joking* it helps me concentrate

me: well, it’s working.

(Later, its friend 3 vs friend 1)

me: *f3 is defeated* GOD DAMNIT F3!

f3: WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?, I DONT HAVE A PS3

f2: *to f1* ah, women, thats why i will never have one

f1: will you have me?

me: get a room, you two

f1: … can we borrow yours?

f3: *snorts*