(I work in an IT department that hires “co-op students,” or students studying IT at a local university. These folks are hired for four-month periods, and because they are new and young, they are subjected to some harmless hazing.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Co-Op Student], did you know that it’s your job to get us all coffee each morning?”

Co-Op Student: “Really?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. All the co-ops we’ve had do that for us.”

Co-Op Student: “Huh. Do you give me the money for the coffee, or…?”

Coworker: “Of course not! You have to pay for everything.”

Co-Op Student: *starting to look worried*  

Me: “I can’t stand it; we’re just teasing, dude. You don’t really have to get us coffee.”

Co-Op Student: *relieved* “You guys are terrible!”

(A few weeks later, daylight saving is upon us.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Co-Op Student], don’t forget that daylight saving happens this weekend.”

Co-Op Student: “Huh?”

Coworker: “You know; ‘Spring forward, fall back’?”

Co-Op Student: *blank stare*

Coworker: “It’s the ‘spring forward’ thing this time, so that means that you need to move your clocks forward one hour.”

Co-Op Student: “Haha! You almost got me! Nice try, [Coworker].”

Me: “Uh, he’s not joking this time.”

Co-Op Student: “Yeah, right. ‘Move clocks forward one hour.’ As if!”

(It turned out that the student was from a province that didn’t use daylight saving. Guess who was late for work on Monday?)

This story is part of our Daylight Saving Time roundup!

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(I am working as a cashier at a bulk food place. One of the duties for cashiers is cleaning up the store after closing. A colleague and I are cleaning, then a few minutes later…)

Colleague: “Hey, [Supervisor], my dad is here to drive me home.”

Supervisor: “You’re not done cleaning yet, though.”

Colleague: *whining* “But my dad is waiting!”

Supervisor: “Well, okay, you can leave.”

Me: “But that will leave me to do all the cleaning by myself.”

Supervisor: “You’re not getting a ride home, though, right? You have your own car.”

Me: “Well, yes, but—”

Supervisor: “So there’s no problem!”

(The supervisor leaves to do other work, and [Colleague] happily goes home. It takes me ages to do all the cleaning myself, so much so that I submit a claim for overtime. The following day…)

Big Boss: “What the heck? Why did you claim overtime for staying late last night?”

Me: *explains*

Big Boss: “I see. Okay, I’ll make sure you’re paid what you’re owed, and don’t worry; this will never happen again.”

(The supervisor got a royal chewing-out, with the admonition that no one would go home until the cleaning was done, period, not even if the Queen herself was waiting to give someone a ride.)

(My daughter works for a dinner theatre. Her manager is pretty useless. One night, my daughter has to phone her at home.)

Manager: “Hello?”

Daughter: “Boss, the power just went out in the entire building. There are no lights, and we can’t cook any of the food for the guests’ meals. The show is supposed to start soon. What do I do?”

Manager: *sounding bored* “Just do your best.” *click*

Daughter: “Wow. Not helpful.”

(Luckily, the power came back on shortly afterward. My daughter started looking for a new job after that.)

(I work in tech support. My company has hired several temporary workers to help out with some data-entry stuff.)

Temp: “Hey, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure. What do you need?”

Temp: “I was working on a spreadsheet, and I saved it, but now I can’t find it.”

Me: “That shouldn’t be a problem. What was it called?”

Temp: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. When did you save it?”

Temp: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Did you save it yesterday?”

Temp: “Maybe. I can’t remember.”

Me: “Tell you what; I’ll search your entire hard drive for every file ending in ‘.xls’ or ‘.xlsx.’”

Temp: “What for?”

Me: “You said it was a spreadsheet; I’m assuming you used Microsoft Excel to create it.”

Temp: “What’s Excel?”

Me: “Okay, never mind. I’ll search your hard drive for every file that was saved over the last few days.” *does so* “Here’s one called ‘Important Work.xls.’ Would that be it?”

Temp: “No.”

Me: “Okay, how about this one. ‘Important Stuff.xls’?”

Temp: “Open it and I’ll see… No, that’s not it.”

(Thirty minutes later:)

Me: *frustrated* “I’m really sorry, but I can’t seem to find your file. You’ve told me that all the ones we’ve found aren’t correct.”

Temp: “Well, that’s just great! I thought you were going to HELP ME!” *stalks off*

(This happens when I am training a new computer programmer. I’ve asked him to make a very easy change to one of our simpler programs.)

Newbie: “Where’s the documentation for this program?”

Me: “Sorry, there isn’t any.”

Newbie: “What do you mean, ‘There isn’t any’?”

Me: “There just isn’t. Our documentation is a bit lacking in some areas, and because this is a really simple program, someone must have decided that documentation wasn’t necessary.”

Newbie: “But… how am I supposed to understand what the program does?”

Me: *pause* “I suggest reading the code. It’s really not that difficult, and I can answer any questions you might have.”

Newbie: “We should have documentation, though.”

Me: “Sure. And in a perfect world, we would. But we don’t.”

Newbie: *stands and stares at me*

Me: “Did you have anything else to ask me?”

Newbie: *doesn’t say anything, keeps staring*

Me: “I need to get back to work, so if you don’t have anything else—”

Newbie: “We should have documentation.”

Me: *losing patience* “YES. I KNOW. BUT WE DON’T.” *goes back to work*

(He wandered off, continuing to mutter about the lack of documentation. I’m not sure if he expected me to pull it out of my a**, or what.)