It’s A Kobra-Kat!

, , , , , | Working | September 18, 2018

(I am spelling my email address over the phone to get a confirmation notice for an order.)

Me: “A-S-K-A—”

Representative: “A-S-pay-A?”

Me: “No, A-S-K like ‘ask.’”

Representative: “Oh, A like ‘ask,’ S like ‘swan,’ K like ‘cat.’”

Me: “That’s right, A-S-K-A… No, wait…”

Representative: “I’m sorry; I mean K as in ‘cobra’!”

Me: “…”

Representative: “Kangaroo! Kangaroo.”

Me: “That’s the one.”

Representative: “Sorry, I’m really not awake yet.”

Me: “No problem. I was about to go right along with you!”

Do You Understand The Coupons Coming Out Of My Mouth?

, , , , , | Working | September 10, 2018

(I have an app to get deals at [Store]. I always read all of the fine print and exclusions, but about half of the time, the register won’t accept the coupon. The cashier will always adjust the price accordingly or get a supervisor who can, so I’m not missing out on any deals, but it’s still an annoyance. Even though I never blame, fuss, or raise my voice, I’m still sometimes treated with attitude. On my most recent visit, the cashier informed me that I could scan the items into my phone to find out if the coupon applies. Now armed with this new information, I scan all of my items with my phone and sure enough, two of them won’t go through. Aiming to find out WHY this keeps happening, I forgo the regular checkout and go straight to customer service.)

Me: “Hi. I have these two products that should be eligible for [App] deals, but they’re not scanning into my phone, so I know they won’t scan into the register. This happens pretty often. It’s very frustrating, so I’d just like to know if there’s something I’m missing, and how I can avoid this issue in the future.”

Customer Service: “I need to see the coupons.”

Me: “Of course. Here, see? This is for [Brand] mac and cheese. Excluding gluten-free.” *hands off the phone, and pick up the product* “And see, this is [Same Brand] mac and cheese, and it’s not gluten free.”

(She hands back my phone and begins ringing up the mac and cheese and applying the discount. At no point did I ask her to do this.)

Me: “And here’s a coupon for [Brand] undergarments, excluding clearance. This is [Same Brand] undergarment, and it’s not on clearance.”

(Again she looks at my phone and starts ringing up my other item at the discounted price.)

Customer Service: “Okay, I gave you the discount.”

Me: “That’s fine for this time, but I’m really interested in why this keeps happening and how to prevent it in the future.”

Customer Service: “Did you have any other items?”

Me: “Yes, just these things.” *as I’m handing her my few other things* “I just try to plan my shopping ahead of time, and I keep running into this issue. I was really hoping to figure out what’s going on with the app and how to prevent this in the future.”

Customer Service: “Cash or credit?”

Me: “Oh, credit.” *as I’m running my card through* “It’s just been very frustrating, you know? Do you know who I could talk to about this issue?”

Customer Service: *handing me my receipt, completely deadpan* “Have a nice day.”

(I stood there, dumbfounded, for a second before wandering off to my car in a daze. I know she doesn’t have any authority over the app and I totally understand it if you don’t know the answer to my question, but could you at least acknowledge that I’m talking? I had to call my husband to make sure my voice was still audible!)

Unfiltered Story #119714

, | Unfiltered | September 9, 2018

(I work at a popular fast food chain and we’ve recently redesigned how our menu looks and changed all our numbers so we have to be extra careful while taking orders now to make sure customers are ordering the new numbers for their items)

Customer: I want two number two sandwiches.

Me: Alright, two [sandwiches]?

Customer: Yes *looking up at the menu boards* I don’t see your fries, do you have fries?

Me: Yes ma’am *I point behind me where the fries are pictured* I’m sorry, we’ve recently changed our menu so our sides aren’t where they used to be.

Customer: *still squinting at the menu* But you don’t have fries anymore? I don’t see them.

Me: *I point again to the picture of fries on our menu* We do have fries ma’am, would you like a medium or a large?

Customer: I don’t see them, I’ll check back later. Just give me one number two sandwich.

Me: You only want one? *holding up one finger just to make sure*

Customer: Yes, one [sandwich]

Me: Alright ma’am, your total is $4.24

Customer: …. only $4.24? You must have made a mistake.

Me: One [sandwich], correct?

Customer: Yes.

Me: One [sandwich] is $4.24

Customer: I wanted two.

Me: *trying to keep my composure as a line is building* Okay, your total for two [sandwiches] is $8.48

Customer: Did you add the fry? *pointing to the fries on the menu* I wanted a fry too.

Me: Certainly, that’ll be –

Customer: Why don’t you have shakes anymore? They were so good.

Me: We do have shakes ma’am *gestures to the dessert menu* they’re listed right over there, would you like to add one to your order?

Customer: To go.

Me: *mental facepalm*

Shuffled Off This Mortal Highway

, , , , , | Working | September 6, 2018

(A few weeks ago, my 17-year-old son totaled his car. Today, I received an automated call from the dealership, reminding us that the car was past due for an oil change and tire rotation. I call them back to explain that the car has been totaled and that they need to remove our number from that system.)

Me: “Hi, I just received a call stating that we need to bring the car in for service.”

Dealership: “Okay, we can schedule you for next Tuesday. How’s 9:00?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but the car was totaled in an accident. We don’t need service on it anymore.”

Dealership: “All cars need service, ma’am, to ensure they run properly and to keep your warranty valid.”

Me: “You’re not listening to me. The car was totaled. It’s dead. It doesn’t need service anymore.”

Dealership: “I can probably fit you in on Friday at 2:00, but you may need to wait.”

Me: “Again, you’re not listening. The car is dead. It was hauled off to the junkyard. It will never need servicing again. I’d like you to remove us from the calling list since we no longer own the car.”

Dealership: “You don’t own the car?”

Me: “Not anymore.”

Dealership: *long pause* “Who did you sell it to? We can arrange service for them.”

Me: *trying to remain calm* “We didn’t sell it. It was totaled in an accident. Do you know what ‘totaled’ means?”

Dealership: “I—”

Me: “It’s dead. It was in a fatal accident. The entire right side was smashed up and a wheel fell off. The insurance company officially totaled the car, and it’s now in a junkyard. Why is that so hard for you to understand? We no longer own the car and we don’t need to receive any more maintenance reminder calls.”

(She finally gets the message, and takes down my name and the vehicle type.)

Dealership: “Can I get your phone number in case someone needs to call you back?”

Me: “What for? The car’s dead. Stop calling us to schedule maintenance. There’s no need for anyone to call us back for anything.”

(I had never before been in a situation where I felt the desire to start quoting Monty Python’s Dead Parrot sketch, but if she couldn’t understand what it means to call a car dead or totaled, she certainly wouldn’t have understood if I started calling it an “ex-car.”)

Unfiltered Story #119082

, | Unfiltered | August 31, 2018

(I work at a pet supply store that also has a self dog wash. We regularly get questions, like if it’s working, since we have had issues with the hot water heater. For the past month, though, the wash has been closed due to an expansion. We’ve had signs up, and very obvious construction on the dog wash, and still got customers coming in with a confused look on their face. This happened the other day on the phone, on the 9th of February)

Me: Thank you for calling (Store Name) in (city). My name is (name). How may I help you?

Customer: Hi! Yes, I was wondering if your dog wash was working.

Me: Unfortunately we have closed the wash about a month ago due to construction, but we’re really excited about the expansion, since we will be adding a third wash tub as well as a groomer. We are expecting it to open on either the 12th or the 13th.

Customer: So…I can’t bring my dog in to wash him?

Me: No, I’m sorry. The old wash has been completely taken out and turned into the grooming station. We do have another location in (city about 20 minutes drive away), but I know that’s a hike. Like I said, we are expecting all of the work to be done by the end of this week.

Customer: Yeah, no. I don’t wanna go to (city 20 minutes away). I can’t just bring him in and wash him real quick?

Me: Unfortunately not. Like I said, we don’t have any dog washes that are in service right now. Give it four or five more days and we should have our new and improved dog washes open.

Customer: Oh. Okay. (hangs up)

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