Maybe Some People Shouldn’t Breed

, , , , | Romantic | April 13, 2018

(My husband and I have decided to try for a baby. Due to a medical issue, I have never been able to take hormonal birth control, so we’ve always used other methods. This takes place when we are getting intimate, and I am very sleep-deprived after a long week at work.)

Me: “Wait, wait, babe. Slow down.”

Husband: *pulls away from me, confused* “What’s up?”

Me: “We almost forgot.” *begins rummaging in the bedside cabinet*

Husband: “What are you looking for?”

Me: “A condom. Are we out?”

Husband: *pauses* “Think about that for a minute.”

Should Take Note Of The Place

, , , | Right | April 12, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have a notary public?”

Me: “No, sir. I’m afraid not.”

Customer: *smirks* “What, libraries don’t have notaries?”

Me: “I wouldn’t know, sir. This isn’t a library.”

Customer: *stops smirking* “It’s not?”

Me: “No, sir. It’s a bookstore. We sell books; we don’t loan them.”

Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find a notary around here?”

Me: “At nine pm, on a Sunday night? No, sir.”

Customer: *slinks away*

 

Unfiltered Story #108925

, | Unfiltered | April 12, 2018

(I work retail, and always tell my mom about all the crazy experiences I’ve had with customers, and about some of the ones I’ve read on this site. She doesn’t always believe that some of these things ACTUALLY happen and people can be that astoundingly stupid, rude or incorrigible. Though this past weekend she experienced the following exchange so extreme that she apologized profusely for not believing me. My younger sister, about 17, has mental health issues and has been treated in a residential facility in Nevada for about 5 months before being transferred to one in our state 2 months ago so we can see her more often; she is receiving much better care. Her left arm is covered almost completely covered in scar tissue as a complication of her disorder. Many people give her nasty looks on the regular and some people go as far as to make rude comments to her about it. On good days she is confident enough to wear short sleeves and handles criticism very well, though she may not see that she does. As is the case this day. She has just recently been moved up to a level in which she receives passes to leave the facility with family for a few hours, and on this day my parents and my two brothers, one 19 and one 7, take her to the mall to go shopping and stop by the food court to eat. My sister and my oldest brother are at one fast food counter while my mom, my dad and my youngest brother are at another still waiting on food. The mall is packed and it’s really hard for my siblings to try to find a table for the whole family. They spot a man leaving and walk over and set their trays down as a woman and her young child approach my sister.)

Woman: (to my sister) F****** b****.

Sister: Excuse me?

Woman: I bet you feel real good about taking a table away from a child, you useless c***. (gesturing to her young child)

Sister: I’m sorry but the table was empty and we are waiting for our parents and our brother, who is also a child.

Woman: (condescendingly) Oh, I bet you are you f****** lying b****. Lying to steal a table away from a mother and her child. I can’t f***** believe this.

Sister: I’m sorry but should you really be using that kind of language in front of your son?

Woman: Oh, so you’re going to tell me how to f****** parent now? What are you, 15? Though I’d believe it if you had a kid, you look like a s***.

Sister: I’m sorry about whatever I did to bother you, but I only have a few hours left with my family for the day before I have to go back to the hospital, so if you don’t mind I would appreciate it of you left us alone to have lunch in peace.

Woman: Hospital? Yeah you look f****** crazy, CRAZY. I bet you belong there what with all that nasty s*** on your arms, you good for nothing piece of s***, f****** b****. I hope you rot in that f****** hospital.

(At this point she spits at my sister and stomps away. My sister, near tears, tells my mom about what happened and pointing out the woman who had almost immediately found another empty table a few yards away. After she finishes eating, my mom, who is usually not a confrontational person (she is almost too kind-hearted for her own good), but very protective of us – especially my sister, gets up and goes to approach this woman.)

Mom: Excuse me, I would like to have a word with you as you seemed to take as many words as you wanted with my daughter.

(The woman slowly turns around and looks my mom square in the face, my mom told me later had she seen the look of almost pure evil in this woman’s eyes ahead of time she probably would not have bothered.)

Woman: (slowly and deliberately) Your daughter. Is a f******. B****. I hope she chews her food. Chokes on it. And f****** dies. And I hope she rots in hell. I hope she chokes and f****** dies before she makes it back to that hospital because I’ll be d***** if I’m paying my taxes to keep your b**** daughter alive a second longer.

Mom: I’m sorry you feel that way, but you have no right to speak to her, or myself that way. I am embarrassed for you and the way you conduct yourself around other people. There is absolutely no reason to behave the way you are as a grown woman.

Woman: (even slower) Your daughter is f****** crazy. She said it herself (makes spinning motion with her finger by her temple) CRAAAAZZZYYYYY. Crazy. F******* crazy. And I bet you are too. Like I said, I hope she chews on her food, chokes on it, and f****** dies. F****** b****. Both of you.

(At this point my mom realizes there is absolutely no progress to be made here and she’s feeling like if she doesn’t walk away she might slap this woman into next week and cause more problems than this woman is worth. She just walks away. After she tells me this story she promises to never doubt me or any customer service story she hears ever again.)

Unfiltered Story #108923

, | Unfiltered | April 12, 2018

(Note: at this restaurant we call out the customer’s name so we know who to bring the order to. It is my first day of work.)

Me: *calling for customer* [Name]?
Customer 1: Oh, that’s me, I think!
Me: Here you are, sir.
Customer 1: *laughs* I thought you said [Name]. Silly me, mishearing you like that.
Me: *to self* …uh…okay then.
*a minute later*
Customer 1: *to my coworker* I think I got the wrong food.
Coworker: Oh, I’m so sorry about that. What’s your name?
Customer 1: [Different Name].
Coworker: Oh…but you said you were [Name] when we called out your order.
Customer 1: I didn’t actually hear her when she said the name…I thought she said [Different Name].
Customer 2: *walks up* Yeah, I’m [Name]. Why’s my sandwich taking so long?
Me: *sigh*

Five-Star First-World Problems

, , , , | Working | April 10, 2018

(Recently the go-to guy for all expense reports in our company has retired. It seems that this guy just did everyone’s expenses when they traveled, so now everyone has to figure out how to do their own reports to get paid for traveling. Now, mind you, everyone who can travel is pretty important to the company, and very well paid, as well. I overhear this conversation between two coworkers soon after.)

Coworker #1: “I can’t get room service at the hotels anymore.”

Coworker #2: “Oh? Why not?”

Coworker #1: “Well, you know how [Expense Guy] always did the expense reports, and now that he’s gone I have to do them? Well, I just can’t get it to work for me, so I can never get room service.”

Coworker #2: “Oh. So, what did you do for food this last time?”

Coworker #1: “I had to go down to the bar! Can you imagine me sitting there, surrounded by those people, at like nine at night? I just wanted to sit on my bed, but I couldn’t!”

Coworker #2: “Oh, that does sound rough.”

(If she wanted room service, she should have learned how to be self-reliant!)

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