Pre-School Poet’s Society

, , , , , | Learning | April 20, 2018

(I work at a daycare and am filling in for the teacher in charge of the two-year-olds. While I am pouring paint to do their art project, they get impatient. I look up and see five two-year-olds standing on their chairs.)

Me: “Get down! OH! Wait… Can you say, ‘O captain, my captain’?”

Two-Year-Olds: “O captain, my captain!”

Me: *dying*

Rewind To An Age Of Simpler Technology

, , , , | Right | April 16, 2018

(This story takes place in 2000. I work in a small, family-owned video store that has just gotten enough DVDs to fill our first DVD rack. An elderly woman calls.)

Woman: “I’ve just gotten a DVD player, and I was wondering if you could help me get it connected so I can watch movies.”

(Obviously, this isn’t my job, but it’s the middle of the day on a weekday, when we can go hours without a customer.)

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am. First things first, on the back of your TV, do you see a little silvery nub with threads like a screw on it, or do you already have a cable plugged into the back of it?”

Woman: “No, I’m not seeing anything like that.”

Me: “That’s fine. About how old is this TV?”

Woman: “Just a couple years.”

(I end up describing every port I can think of to her, but she is unable to find anything that corresponds to my directions. I’m getting a little frustrated when she comes up with a solution.)

Woman: “Well, the man from the store that delivered it is still here; you think I can ask him to do it?”

Me: *face-palms* “Yes. Yes, ma’am, that’s a great idea. Please do that.”

(Later, I recognize her from her voice when she comes in to rent her first DVDs. This goes off without a hitch. Thirty minutes later, I get another call.)

Woman: “Hello, I was just at your store to rent DVDs and I think they’re not working.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Is there a message saying, ‘The disc cannot be read,’ or something like that?”

Woman: “No, it’s showing the name of the movie and things like, ‘Play,’ ‘Chapters,’ ‘Extras,’ but it won’t actually start playing.”

Me: “Is one of those options a different color than the others, or highlighted?”

Woman: “Yes, the one that says, ‘Play.’”

Me: “Great! Do you see a button on your remote that says, ‘Enter’?”

Woman: “Yes!”

Me: “Fantastic. Please press that.”

Woman: “Oh, there it goes! Thank you so much!”

(Two days later, I’m working as she comes to return the DVDs. I take the cases, but she lingers.)

Woman: “I’m so sorry. I really tried, but I couldn’t figure out how to rewind them. Please don’t charge me!”

Me: *I try to think of how to explain, and finally just start checking them in* “It’s okay, ma’am; we’ll let it go, since it’s the first time.”

Unfiltered Story #108939

, | Unfiltered | April 14, 2018

(I am the customer in this story, and it happened several years ago. My mom, my sisters, and I had entered a candy store in our city’s historical downtown area. One of my sisters back then wore her hair short and dressed like a tomboy.)

Cashier (Speaking to me): Is that all, miss?

Me: Yes ma’am!

Cashier (turning to my mom and pointing at my tomboy sister): And what would your son like to have?

(We all burst out laughing and my mom had to tell the poor woman that her “son” was a girl. Points to my sister for not getting upset about it though. The cashier apologized profusely, but we told her it was okay. If anything, it gave us a funny story to tell our dad when we got home. Thank you for being a good sport about it, Miss Cashier!)

Maybe Some People Shouldn’t Breed

, , , , | Romantic | April 13, 2018

(My husband and I have decided to try for a baby. Due to a medical issue, I have never been able to take hormonal birth control, so we’ve always used other methods. This takes place when we are getting intimate, and I am very sleep-deprived after a long week at work.)

Me: “Wait, wait, babe. Slow down.”

Husband: *pulls away from me, confused* “What’s up?”

Me: “We almost forgot.” *begins rummaging in the bedside cabinet*

Husband: “What are you looking for?”

Me: “A condom. Are we out?”

Husband: *pauses* “Think about that for a minute.”

Should Take Note Of The Place

, , , | Right | April 12, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have a notary public?”

Me: “No, sir. I’m afraid not.”

Customer: *smirks* “What, libraries don’t have notaries?”

Me: “I wouldn’t know, sir. This isn’t a library.”

Customer: *stops smirking* “It’s not?”

Me: “No, sir. It’s a bookstore. We sell books; we don’t loan them.”

Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find a notary around here?”

Me: “At nine pm, on a Sunday night? No, sir.”

Customer: *slinks away*

 

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