Why Don’t You (Law &) Order The New CSI-NCIS-H50 Computer?!

, , , , , | | Right | July 3, 2019

Customer: “Do you have any of the computers that they use on NCIS?”

(I don’t watch “NCIS.”)

Me: “What brand do they use?”

Customer: “Dunno. They’re the kind you can throw images from a table to a wall and hack stuff with, though.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty sure those are fake.”

Customer: “No, I’ve seen them on other shows, like CSI and NCIS: LA!

This Part Is Always Self “Check” Out

, , , , , , | | Right | June 29, 2019

(I’m cashiering one slow evening. A regular customer comes through my line. I go through my usual spiel and start to scan his groceries.)

Customer: “D***, I forgot my credit card at home. Do you guys take checks?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Great. The checkbook is in the car; I’ll be right back.”

(His order is large enough that I’m just finishing up when he returns.)

Me: “All right, the total is [total].”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The guy opens his checkbook to the next blank check, rips it out, and hands it to me without filling anything out. I stare at him, then I stare at the check, and then back at him, not sure what to say.)

Customer: “Oh, do I have to fill that out?”

(I have never seen a customer so trusting with their money that they would hand a complete stranger a blank check.)

Scheduling Their Own Demise

, , , , | | Working | June 26, 2019

(I work at a hardware store. Our schedule comes out every Friday, and I take a picture of it every week with my phone so that I can transfer it to my calendar. Today, my shift starts at 9:00 am, and I arrive at 8:55. The manager, who is fairly new and hasn’t really gotten along well with me in the four or so months she’s been there, is waiting for me.)

Manager: “You’re late, you know.”

Me: “What? I thought my shift began at 9:00 am!”

Manager: “Well, I changed it because I needed you in at 8:00 am today.”

Me: “And you didn’t tell me about this? With all due respect, there is no way I could have known that I was going to be asked to start earlier.”

Manager: “Enough. Office, now.”

(She escorts me to the office.)

Manager: “Okay, listen. You’ve had a lot of issues with your attitude lately, and with this stunt of showing up late, you essentially dug your own grave. You’ve left me no choice but to let you go.”

Me: “You can’t fire me! I had no way of knowing that you’d change my schedule!”

Manager: “Well, it’s not my responsibility to communicate schedule changes. I’m not going to baby everyone here because they’re too lazy to check their own schedules. Turn in your nametag and your apron at the service desk, and then get out of the store. You are not welcome here anymore.”

(I reluctantly turned in my uniform, got in my car, and drove home. But I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I immediately contacted the company’s HR, explained to them what happened, and emailed them a picture of the schedule that I had taken. They told me that there was not much they could do, but they’d pass it on, anyway. A week later, I got a call back from one of the company’s higher-ups. As it turns out, an investigation had been launched against my store’s manager. They found out she had been singling out people she didn’t like, myself included, and changing their schedules at the last second to essentially give herself an excuse to discipline them. She had already succeeded in firing four other people this way before she fired me. But it was my decision to stand up after my firing and take it to HR that kickstarted the investigation that exposed the manager’s scheme. She was fired, and every disciplinary action she had unfairly issued was quashed. The employees who were wrongfully fired, myself included, were all reinstated and compensated.)

Insulting At A Collegiate Level

, , , | | Right | June 26, 2019

(I work in a bookstore during college. A classmate of mine also works there, and is cleaning the glass windows by the entrance. A father with a young son walks up and stops near my classmate.)

Father: *talking to his son* “See this, [Son]? That is why you go to college.”

Classmate: “Excuse me. I’m in college. This job helps me pay for it.”

Father: “Yeah? Well, I bet it’s not a good college.”

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes… And Cats

, , , , , | | Related | June 25, 2019

(I have a cat who is 17. He is very spry for his age, and he has no health or mobility issues. My cat is not vocal, either. He may let out a piercing meow once in a while if he is not satisfied, but largely he is quiet. He is also incredibly spoiled by me and my family. My cat is older than both of my children, but they love him and he loves them. I am trying to clean.)

Me: *wipes counter off*

Cat: “MEOW!”

Me: *looks down* “What?”

Cat: *walks between my legs rumbling*

Me: “Not now, [Cat]!”

Cat: “MEOW!” *sticks claws lightly into my pants*

Me: *picks up the cat, puts him over my shoulder like a stole, and continues*

Eleven-Year-Old Son: “Mom, I think we have to talk about your enabling.”

Me: “Huh?”

Eleven-Year-Old Son: “The cat cried and got his way. I can’t even ask once.”

Seven-Year-Old Son: *walks in listening intently* “Yeah, but we don’t have claws.”

Eleven-Year-Old Son: “Mom does, though.” *points to my acrylic nails, which are in no way long* “And she is a lot meaner than us.”

Seven-Year-Old Son: “So, what does that say about the cat?!”