(I’ve worked at my job long enough to be recognized by our regulars. I have a bagel in my mouth, a bagel in one hand, and my uniform and apron in my other hand on my way to the registers to buy the bagels before my shift starts.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Will you ring me up?”

Me: *gives a significant look to both my hands and then back to the customer, bagel still in my mouth*

Customer: *after a moment* “Oh!”

I work in a popular fast food restaurant that is especially famous for its curly fries, which we try to keep as fresh as possible. We only let the unsold fries sit under a warmer for seven minutes before we throw them out and cook new ones. Needless to say, not many people can complain about getting old fries.

One day, this old lady comes up to the counter and slams her tray down while glaring at me. I ask her what the problem is, and she responds with, “These fries are too fresh! They are too crunchy for me to eat, so now I’m going to have to wait at least an hour so they are soft enough to eat! This is all your fault!”

I just stand there speechless as she walks away with her tray. True to her word, she proceeds to sit in the restaurant for over an hour before asking for a to-go bag and smugly taking her cold fries home to eat.

(I work as a bank teller.)

Customer: “I’d like to withdraw twelve hundred dollars from my account.”

Me: “Certainly. Can I have your account number?”

Customer: “I don’t know it, and I don’t have my card.”

Me: “In that case, can I have your social security number to look it up?

Customer: “I don’t give that out.”

Me: “Well… okay. What is your name?”

Customer: “I don’t give it out.”

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t need my ID; just give me my money and hurry up!”

Me: “Sir, without ID we are unable to give you any money.”

Customer: *slams his first on the counter and yells* “What’s the point of even banking here at [Our Rival Bank] then?!” *storms out*

(In my store, we have some cheaper movies that we sell for buy-two-get-one-free, as long as they are under a certain price range. A couple are shopping for a few films.)

Me: “Hello there. Is there anything I can help you guys find today?”

Husband: “We came in earlier and bought [Film], and we just came back for [Sequel], and we’re just looking around a bit.”

Me: “I’m glad we had the movies you’re looking for! Also, keep in mind that all the movies on these racks are buy-two-get-one-free, so if you decide to pick up another movie with [Sequel], you can get a third for free.”

Wife: “How does that work?”

Me: “We just have a deal on all our movies that are under $5 for buy-two-get-one-free.”

Husband: “But how would that work? Do we have to pay for all three, then?”

Wife: “Doesn’t that make the rest of the movies more expensive?”

Me: “Um… No, it just makes some movies that aren’t worth too much a better deal.”

Wife: “But what happens if we only buy two?”

Me: “Then they would be the full price of just the two movies, but if you’re getting two you might as well get a third one for free.”

Husband: “I don’t have the money for three, though!”

(This continued on for another five minutes before eventually I kind of gave up on trying to explain how the sale worked. They bought three movies, were surprised how cheap they were, and left.)

(I work at a company that helps supply home security systems and other home-automation equipment to customers. I get a call in requesting support for a door and window sensor.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m having an issue with a sensor.”

Me: “May I have your phone number to pull up your account, please?”

Customer: “Sure, it’s [phone number].”

(I put the phone number into the system, but nothing comes up.)

Me: “My apologies, sir; I’m not certain if I entered that number correctly. Just to verify, that number is [correct phone number]?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it.” *muttering* “I don’t even know why I’m paying you guys.”

Me: “Okay, that’s still not pulling anything up; may I have your address, please?”

Customer: “It’s [address], in [City].”

(I put the address into the system, but don’t pull up anything.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not coming up,. I’m not sure if it’s user error or—”

Customer: “Okay, I’ve had enough of this bulls***! You guys are f****** useless. I’m going to set off my alarm so it comes in to you guys.”

(Before I can protest and tell him that I’m not at the monitoring station, he’s armed his system and entered the duress code to call the police.)

Customer: “Can you find me now?”

Me: *shocked* “Y-you’ll have to talk to [Monitoring Company] about that.”

Customer: *alarm siren blaring in the background* “I’ll talk to them, then.” *click*

(I pause for a moment.)

Me: “Well, that was the most interesting call I’ve gotten so far.”