ID-on’t Know Who You Are

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(I work as a hotel clerk at a large chain hotel, and am going about my business like normal when an elderly man and his wife come to check in.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Hotel]. How are you today?”

Customer: “Fine. Enough with the chit-chat. My name is [Customer]; check me in.”

Me: “Absolutely, sir. I just need to see a credit card and a photo ID to check you in.”

Customer: “Excuse ME?”

Me: “Oh, just a credit card an—”

Customer: “I HEARD what you SAID. How dare you ask me for an ID?”

Me: “It’s just standard policy, sir, to protect our guests and ourselves from credit card fraud. We ask every guest, even our VIPs, for an ID at check-in.”

Customer: “In all my years of staying at [Hotel Chain] I have NEVER been asked for my ID once at check-in! Do you KNOW who I am? I know the [Chain] owners personally, and they WILL be hearing from me. You can say goodbye to your job! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Okay, sir, that is fine, but I will still need to see an ID to check you into this room.”

Customer: “I WILL HAVE YOUR JOB!” *throws nearby magazine at me and storms off, with an embarrassed-looking wife*

(But lo and behold, I STILL HAVE MY JOB! I don’t think they were as close with their “friends” as they thought they were.)

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Will Need To Have A Late-Night Conversation About Timing

, , , | Right | December 5, 2017

(I normally work retail, but I’m the customer in this story. Some friends and I have gone out to eat at about 10 pm. We eat and talk for quite a while, and the waitress brings us our check around 11 pm. My friends continue talking for another forty-five minutes or so. It’s then that I realize how late it’s getting, and that there’s only us and one other table left.)

Me: “You know, we should probably get going soon. It’s getting pretty late.”

(My friends half-heartedly agree, but continue talking. A little while later, another waitress pointedly sweeps up around our table.)

Me: “I’m pretty sure these guys close at 11.”

Friend: “Oh, I bet they have to stay late all the time. This isn’t too bad.”

(A little more time goes by, and I notice that we are now the only table left, and all the workers are sitting at the other end of the restaurant either staring at us or talking quietly among themselves. It’s now after midnight.)

Me: “Okay, guys, we’re the only table left. They’re done cleaning up and want to close. We should probably get going.”

(We finally got up and left. Our waitress quietly thanked us for coming in as she locked the door behind us. The real kicker? The friends were my retail coworkers!)

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Fountains Of Tears

, , , , , | Friendly | December 1, 2017

(I work forty hours a week at my regular job, but I decide to spend weekends as a volunteer host at a historic building for two years. This building has a lot of great features, but our rooftop gardens are the most popular. Since it’s a secure building, you have to be accompanied to the roof by a host with security access. I’m giving a tour to a couple, a dad, and the dad’s three sons. The youngest one is about 11 and is fascinated with the fountains. I don’t mind too much, since he isn’t doing any damage.)

Kid: “Guys! This one has money in it!”

Me: “We encourage coins in the fountain, and we donate every cent to [Hospital].”

Kid: *reaching into the water* “I’m going to get it!”

Me: “I wouldn’t. Everything in that fountain will be given to charity, including kids.”

(The dad and brothers crack up and the kid snatches his hand back.)

Me: “That’s right. Fall in the fountain, and I’ll send you to the hospital.” *beat* “I really didn’t mean that as a threat.”

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A Successful Store Drives In Traffic

, , , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(I am working the late shift at the store, my manager is in the office, and there are no customers in the store. The automatic doors open. I look over and A CAR has driven up on the sidewalk far enough for the doors to open, so I walk outside where the customer has backed his car up. They see me and roll down the window.)

Customer: “Are you guys open?”

Me: *staring wide eyed at the customer* “Yes, and what were you doing?”

Customer: “Oh, I was just trying to read the store hours.”

(Our store hours are not posted on the windows; they are on big letters below our store name!)

Me: “Well, next time, get out of your car and walk up here, instead of scaring people half to death!”

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H2… Oh

, , , , | Right | November 27, 2017

(While most restaurants only offer Coke or Pepsi products, this one has both.)

Customer: “What sodas do you have?”

Me: “We have Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Caffeine-Free Diet Coke, Fanta, Sprite, Root Beer, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Pepsi Max, Mountain Dew, Diet Mountain Dew, and Dr. Pepper.”

Customer: *with a disappointed look on her face* “I’ll just have water.”

(What could she possibly have wanted that we didn’t have?)

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