Op-tickle Fibers

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2010

(I am in the middle of finishing the last download to fix a customer’s computer, but his Internet keeps resetting.)

Me: “Sorry the download didn’t work. Your Internet reset again. We will have to try it again and hopefully, it will finish this time.”

Customer: “You know, if you want to speed this up, all you have to do is take the mouse, and kinda rub it over the download box.”

Me: “I’m sorry, rub it over the download box?”

Customer: “Yea you know? If you tickle the download box with the mouse it goes faster. I thought you would know that, being a tech support guy and all.”

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Talk Is Cheap, Texting However…

, , , | Right | April 2, 2010

(A customer walks up to our cell phone store looking very frustrated.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have charges on my bill for text messaging, but I have unlimited texting. Why did you charge me?”

Me: “Ok, well let me look up your account and take a look.”

(I look up the account and notice that he activated his service two weeks ago and doesn’t have a balance yet.)

Me: “Sir, your balance right now is at $0.00. You don’t owe us anything yet.”

Customer: “Yeah, you said I do! You sent me a text message about it!”

(He pulls out his phone and shows me a text that says he owes $29.95 worth of texting to premium girls-chat website.)

Me: “We haven’t charged you, but that company charges you if you use their… services.”

Customer: “So I have to pay 29 bucks?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Well I’m going to delete her from my phone then, because she’s really expensive!”

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When Right Can Be Wrong

, , | Right | March 18, 2010

Me: “Sir, go ahead and right-click on the icon. Now, do you see that menu that appears when you right-click?”

Customer: “Nothing happened.”

Me: “That’s all right. If you double-click on the icon, does it open up the file?”

Customer: “Yeah, it opens it up. Just nothing happens when I right-click.”

Me: “Okay, have you had any issues with right-clicking before?”

Customer: “No, the mouse always clicks and opens whatever I click it on.”

Me: “Okay, try right-clicking on the icon again.”

Customer: “It’s still doing nothing.”

Me: “Is your mouse cursor on the icon?”

Customer: “Yeah, but if I move it any further to the right, it won’t be on the icon anymore.”

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Holy F***, Indeed

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2008

Customer: “You f****** b****! I’ll have your f****** a** fired for this!”

Me: “Sir, I do not appreciate your abusive language. If you do not knock it off, I am going to have to hang up on you.”

Customer: “I’m sorry. I’m really not usually like this.”

(I help with the customer’s problem, which involves some downtime while the website processes his request.)

Customer: “So, where are you?”

Me: “We’re based out of Utah.”

Customer: “I’m in Van Nuys, California. Do you know where that is, lady?”

Me: “I actually do. I lived there for six months.”

Customer: “No s***! What were you doing here?”

Me: “I was a Mormon missionary.”

Customer: “And what is your name?”

Me: *gives name*

Customer: “Holy f***. I know you. I’m the bishop!”

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