(Having moved, I got a new phone number which previously belonged to a retail store in Clermont-Ferrand. I had already had a few calls for that store, so I knew the drill.)

Woman: “Hello, is this [Store]? I would like to know until when you are open.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you dialed a wrong number. [Store] doesn’t have this number anymore. I’m pretty sure they closed.”

Woman: “That’s not my problem! You didn’t answer my question. When do they close?”

Me: “No, seriously, you’re calling me at home here. I’m sure that if you look in the yellow pa–”

Woman: “Now look here, young man! I don’t have all day. Do you live in Clermont-Ferrand?”

Me: “Well, actually I do, but–”

Woman: “THEN TELL ME WHEN [STORE] CLOSES! GO LOOK IT UP OR SOMETHING!”

Me: “Seriously?”

Woman: *calmly* “Yes.”

Me: “I’m hanging up now.”

Woman: “WHAT? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO–”

Me: *click*

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

Me: “That’ll be $1.95.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want to pay for it.”

Me: *shocked* “Ma’am, this is a store. We sell things for money in order to make a profit.”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: “The coffee isn’t free.”

Customer: “Can I have the coffee anyway, since you already poured it?”

Me: “No. ”

Customer: *looks at me for a moment and then walks away*

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need a [Sandwich], two large fries, and a shake.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell those here. [Competitor] is next door.”

Customer: “OH!”

(He walks into my dining room and promptly returns to the counter. He appears slightly confused.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah! I thought you said [Competitor] is next door.”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

(I proceed to walk with him back to the dining room and point next door.)

Me: “If you come back this way and go through our side exit, you can walk right over to [Competitor].”

Customer: “OH!”

(I follow him back to the area near the side door and point him in that direction. He appears to be on his way to a [Sandwich], two fries and, a shake when I hear our restroom door open and close. Sure enough, moments later he appears at my counter again.)

Customer: “Why did you send me to the bathroom?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Please follow me.”

(I escort the gentleman out the side door and tell him [Competitor] is next door.)

Customer: “OH! Thank you!”

(He started walking toward the front of both my building and [Competitor]. I felt confident he was going to get there. I was wrong. He walked around my building and through the parking lot, and was last seen heading toward an empty lot and the railroad tracks.)

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(The zoo sells these SpongeBob ice creams with gumball eyes. I overhear this mother telling her young son eating one outside one of the restaurants…)

Mom: “Oh look, honey, when you licked his balls you got stuff all over your face!”

(I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).)

Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!”

Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…”

Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.”

Me: “Sir I–”

Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ”

Me: “Sir, I think that–”

Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!”

(A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.)

Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.”

Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!”

Woman: “[A disturbing p*rn site that I would not recommend viewing].”

Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!”

Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.”

Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.”

(The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.)