(I have gone to the pharmacy to refill a prescription. The transaction goes completely normal until the very end after I’ve checked out.)

Worker: “Can I interest you in a free doughnut?”

(I look at her in confusion. I wasn’t expecting being offered a doughnut at 12:30 pm from my pharmacy tech, so my brain takes a bit to process that I did hear those words. After a moment, I shake my head.)

Me: “No, thank you!”

Worker: “…that was rather silly to offer someone picking up diabetes medication, huh?”

(I work at a fast food chicken restaurant and it’s a very slow day. A lady with two little kids comes in.)

Lady: “Can I have a hamburger and kids meals for these two–”

Me: “Ma’am, we are a chicken—”

Lady: “—and I want two root-beers and a water.”

Me: “Ma’am, we are a chicken—”

Lady: *yelling over me* “AND I WANT SOME FRENCH FRIES!”

Me: “Ma’am, we are [Fast Food Chicken Restaurant].”

Lady: *visually angry* “NO, YOU AREN’T! YOU ARE WHAT I TELL YOU WHAT YOU ARE, AND YOU’RE [Burger Chain]!”

Little Boy #1: “Mom, this is [Fast Food Chicken Restaurant].”

Lady: “NO, IT’S NOT, [Little Boy #1]!”

Little Boy #2: “Mom, what does it the sign above the menu say?”

Lady: “[Fast Food Chicken Restaurant].”

Little Boy #1 & #2: “So we’re in the wrong place, so let’s leave.”

(Lady left with her kids. Never in my career have I seen two little kids correct their parent like that. I was speechless the rest of the day.)

(It is a few weeks after Christmas, and I am talking to my grandmother, 82, on the phone. She is discussing the Christmas gift I gave her: a lotion set from a popular US store chain, mostly the same scent.)

Grandmother: “So, yes, [My Name], thank you for the lotion set! It’s a really good moisturizer and… your grandfather likes it, too! He is turning 84, soon so give him a call on [Date].”

Me: “Really? That’s great! Does he use it then, too, or does he think the smell isn’t manly enough?”

Grandmother: “Well, no, he doesn’t use it… but he can’t keep his hands off me when I do!”

(I never said anything to her about it, but I haven’t bought that scent in lotions since then!)

(I used to work in a hotel. We were never allowed to give out guest’s room numbers without checking with the guest first. One of our agents allowed a guests’ friends to get the room number and a key because they wanted to surprise them. Needless to say, the guests were livid to get to their room and have their friends there without their permission. They ended up getting their room comped and we all got read the riot act by our manager. Fast forward to present. A commercial comes on the TV. It’s a wife calling a husband from her business trip and says how much she misses him and the dog. The song “I’m Gonna Be (Five Hundred Miles)” comes on and we see the husband loading the car for a road trip with the dog. The wife comes to her room, puts in her key card, and opens the door. The dog comes running up to her and the husband is in the room.)

Me: “Wow, somebody’s going to get in trouble for letting him in the room.”

Husband: “Really? That’s what you got from that?”

Me: “Well, what did you get out of it?”

Husband: “How did he manage to sneak the dog in the room?”

(We’ve been married for thirty years and the romantic gesture of the moment escaped both of us!)

(I work at a retail store in the electronic section and we sell video games. One day I get a phone call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Store] in the electronics. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you know much about Grand Theft Auto V?”

Me: “Sure, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “How do you buy a house in GTA5?”

Me: “Google it.”