(I work in a nursing home. This particular resident is diabetic and thinks her blood sugar is too low, even if it is normal. This exchange happens after checking her sugar.)

Me: “Your sugar is really high! What have you eaten?”

Resident: “I accidentally drank two shakes!”

(Later I check her sugar again.)

Me: “Your sugar is [normal value] right now!”

Resident: “I think it’s low!”

Me: “No, it’s really good! Keep up the good work.”

(The resident proceeds to eat a chip.)

Me: “Your sugar is good; don’t make it too high by eating those chips!”

Resident: “Oh, my hand accidentally fell into the chips.”

Me: “…”

(I work at a well-known retail chain as a cashier. We’re doing a temporary fundraiser for diabetes research and have to ask each customer if they’d like to donate some money towards the cause. My father has diabetes.)

Me: “Hello! Would you like to donate to help diabetes research today?”

Customer: “No, sweetie. I believe that if you just don’t eat white flour or sugar, the whole diabetes thing disappears!”

Me: *stares at her in disbelief for a few seconds* “Would you like a bag?”

(She needs to either get her head out of the organic movement or do some research on diabetes. It can’t merely be fixed by eating differently, ma’am!)

Related:
What A Diabeetus, Part 5
What A Diabeetus, Part 4
What A Diabeetus, Part 3

(I am a bisexual female, and one of my guy friends knows this. He also isn’t exactly the brightest bulb. Right now he’s discussing the “bro code,” and how in his mind it applies to me, too, since I can develop crushes on girls.)

Friend: “So, do you like anyone right now?”

Me: “I do have a crush on [Girl], but I’m pretty sure it’s unrequited because I think she’s straight, and she’s engaged to [Girl’s Fiancé]. I’m okay with that, though, because I also want to be friends with her.”

Friend: “So, bro code says I can’t hit on her.”

Me: *wondering if he even heard half of what I said* “I don’t think bro code is the reason you shouldn’t hit on her. Remember, she has a fiancé.”

Friend: “But I can’t hit on her because you like her.”

Me: *giving in* “Fine, yes. Don’t hit on her because of bro code. It would be rude to me.”

(I don’t think he ever figured out that bro code played no factor in this situation, but on the plus side, I think he also never figured out who [Girl] was, so I doubt her fiancé ever had to worry about me apparently having more “claim” over his future wife’s potential suitors than he did.)

(My grandma tells me this story of something that happened when she was young. She had gone to this gas station sometime earlier on, and after filling her tank for her, the employee told her they didn’t take cheques. They took hers because it was all she had, though, and she decided the rules no longer applied to her. Later, she and her husband go to the same gas station.)

Grandpa: “They don’t take cheques here.”

Grandma: “No, you’ll see. They take mine.”

(An employee fills up their tank and she tries to hand him a cheque.)

Employee: “We don’t take those.”

Grandma: “But it’s all I have. Can’t you take it?”

Employee: “No, you’ll pay, or I’ll call the police.”

Grandma: *gestures to her husband* “Can you just take him, instead?”

(They had to leave his watch as collateral and go get cash. Grandpa was pissed.)

(I am hanging out with two friends during lunch, and somehow the topic of chocolate comes up. It should be noted that both [Friend #2] and I are FTM transgender.)

Friend #2: “None of the other trans guys I know — [My Name] and I included — have liked plain chocolate, as in, straight chocolate.”

Friend #1: “What about gay chocolate?”

Me: *without thinking* “That’s the kind with nuts in it.”

(I still have yet to live it down.)