I work at a collections agency for a credit card company. It’s 7:58 pm and I call a lady.

Customer: “Could you give me a call back at 9:00 am today?”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you mean 9:00 am tomorrow?”

Customer: “No. I need you to call me at 9:00 am today!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot go back in time and call you this morning. It’s 7:58 pm.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Okay, what time is it, then?”

Customer: “It’s 7:58 pm. Just call me at 9:00 am today, okay?”

Me: *Pause* “Yeah, okay. Have a great day.”

Related:
Completely Time-Zoned Out

I manage security for an aeronautic electronics plant. My position is at the front visitor’s desk where I answer the main phone line. I take a call from an obvious scammer.

Caller: “This is the Better Business Bureau. We have a complaint against your business, so put me through to the owner, now!”

Me: “Oh? Well, you called the [Local] sub-division of [Corporation], owned by the international corporation [Parent Company]. He would probably be in the business offices in either Newark, Milwaukee, our new Mexican office, Tel Aviv, or Los Angeles. Would you like me to find those numbers for you?”

Caller: *Click*

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It’s in the middle of the holiday season and we’re all sleep-deprived. The bakers’ schedule has completely changed, so instead of going in at 3:00 am, we start at 10:00 pm. This flip takes a toll on our mental capacities. I am filling out the list of what we need to make when a coworker asks me what I want her to do first since the order of what we do is changed.

Me: “So you’re going to do the things… but not the stuff.” 

Coworker: “You want me to grab the muffins, but not the donuts?” 

Me: “I’m glad someone understands me.”

I work at a burger place that is pretty popular in the US. It is my first day at the register. 

Customer: *In a deep Southern accent* “I’m going to eat this in the car ‘cause this is America!”

Me: “…”

I’m the idiot in this one.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Her’ro?”

I think they just have a very thick accent.

Me: “Yes, sir, can you hear me?”

Caller: “HER’RO?!”

Me: “Hello? Can you hear me, sir?”

Caller: “PAY! ROLL!”

Me: “Oh! Yes, one moment!”