(I work in a museum selling admission tickets. A man on his own approaches my desk to pay for his ticket.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Museum]!”

Customer: *silent*

(Usually customers will tell us straight away how many tickets they need and which price bracket everyone in the group comes under, but this guy is determined not to speak so I prompt him.)

Me: “How many tickets would you like today?”

Customer: *rolling his eyes* “A family pass, of course. I’m OBVIOUSLY not here alone, am I?! My wife and children are just in the bathroom.”

(Once again, he was completely on his own at the admission desk. I guess he thought I had X-ray vision and could see through solid walls to see who was accompanying him?)

 Related:
Meet The Camouflage Family
Meet The Theoretical Family
Meet The Blunt Family

(The drinking age in the UK is eighteen; you’ll sometimes get an establishment with its own over-twenty-one rule, but this is rare. My friends and I — all age twenty — head to a gig and afterward fancy a pub visit. We head to a pub in an area I’ve never been to before. It’s completely empty for a Friday night and the bartender looks like he’s about twelve years old.)

Bartender: *aggressively* “IDs, guys!”

(We all hand them over.)

Bartender: “No, no, strictly over twenty-five only! GET OUT!”

Me: “Are you serious? The age here is eighteen; there’s not even anyone else here.”

Bartender: “NO! Strictly over twenty-five and we can refuse service. F*** OFF OUT!”

(Knowing that establishments are fully within their rights to refuse service to people for any reason regardless of how nonsensical it is in a business sense, we decide not to argue and leave to find somewhere else, but before we leave…)

Me: *to Bartender* “Just out of curiosity, are you able to drink here?”

Bartender: “Yes, of course. All employees can.”

Me: “How old are you?”

Bartender: “Fifteen.”

Me: “Huh…”

(It is highly illegal to serve alcohol as a minor, as he was so rude I ended up reporting the pub. We came back for another gig a month later and the pub had closed down. Not sure if it was because of the illegal activities or cash flows, but good riddance.)

(My partner has two young boys from his previous relationship. We take them to our local park one Saturday afternoon for a walk and let them have a bit of time in the play area. My partner goes to the play equipment with them to supervise while I sit on the wall at the side just enjoying the sunshine. I’m pretty zoned out, just relaxing, when a man comes and sits next to me. I pay him no mind and carry on just chilling until he starts speaking to me.)

Man: “Lovely day, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yeah, very nice.”

Man: “Nice to get the kids out for a bit, eh?”

Me: *nods head*

Man: “I see you’ve suffered from the same problem my ex-wife had.”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

Man: *looks me up and down* “Well, you clearly didn’t get your figure back after having them two, did you? My ex-wife had the same; that’s why she’s my ex!” *laughs as if this is the most hilarious thing*

Me: *just stares at him, gob-smacked*

Man: “Better mind that man of yours doesn’t do the same, or you’ll be stuck with them boys on your own!” *winks at me*

Me: *finally regaining enough composure to respond* “Firstly, it’s none of your business; secondly, they’re not my kids; and thirdly, I think she’s better off without your judgmental a** around, to be honest!”

(With that I got up and went over to my partner, leaving that man sat on the wall looking rather shocked. When I told my partner about it, he was obviously fuming, but when I went to point the guy out he’d completely vanished. I mean, I know I’m not exactly skinny, but what on earth gives him the idea that comments like that are acceptable?!)

(I have Asperger’s Syndrome. I often feel like I don’t “fit in” because relating to people is challenging for me. However, I’ve started learning British Sign Language, and I love it. It is literal, logical, and has grey areas. Deaf people are very direct, too. I also have a photographic memory, which I haven’t found to be much use… until now. I learn new signs extremely fast. Even my deaf teacher struggles to keep pace. In class, we are learning about countries. This roleplay happens in front of the class, in BSL.)

Classmate #1: “Where are you going on holiday?”

Me: “New Scotland.”

Classmate #1: “What?”

Me: *slowly in BSL and English* “New Scotland, Canada: Nova Scotia.”

Classmate #1: *confused*

Teacher: “If you want to say two countries, you need to say, ‘and.’ Scotland A-N-D Canada.”

Classmate #2: *in English and BSL* “He didn’t say Scotland; I think he means New England and Canada.”

(I am extremely confused. The signs for England and Scotland are very different and unmistakable. I have no idea where she got “New England” from. As for my teacher, he didn’t have a clear view, and missed the sign “new.” He thinks I mean Scotland and Canada. I can’t get it across in BSL, so I resort to English.)

Me: “No, I signed literally, ‘New Scotland.’ That means Nova Scotia in Canada, which is Latin for ‘New Scotland.’ In most languages, including BSL, Nova Scotia is translated literally. I saw it last week from an interpreter on TV.”

Teacher: “Oh. Nothing wrong with the sign, but maybe we’ll keep it at the right level for the exam?”

(I continue to learn BSL extremely fast. One day I hope to qualify as an interpreter.)

(It is company policy not to return baby milk — both powdered and liquid — for safety reasons. Even if the seal is on the milk, we cannot guarantee it hasn’t been tampered with. This causes a few issues, as people get quite angry when they’re told we will not refund them for the milk. It should be noted that these products are sold in every supermarket and locally-owned corner shop. Also, the supermarket I work for puts security tags on their clothes disguised in the form of little cardboard tags that have the brand name on, and have security tags inside. My coworker deals with this lady.)

Customer: “Hi. I brought this baby milk and found the weirdest thing inside when I opened it! It’s quite dangerous in my opinion. Is it okay to get a refund?”

Coworker: “Well, it’s actually company policy not to return milk for any reason. What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “I found one of your security tags inside when I opened it!”

Coworker: “Er… Okay. So, the seal was broken already?”

Customer: “No, that’s the weird thing! The seal was intact. Here, I have my receipt for it.”

(My coworker rang a manager. Unfortunately, despite the fact she was obviously lying in order to get a refund, we couldn’t accuse her of it due to “keeping the customer happy.” The manager said to just refund it but to take down her details. I get that’s it’s annoying if you pick up the wrong milk and can’t get a refund. But at least come up with a plausible lie!)