Caller: “I am having a problem with my computer. The Internet doesn’t work!”

Me: “Okay. First of all, can you open Internet Explorer?”

Caller: “I have done that, but it just says, ‘Page not found.’”

Me: “That’s okay. Near the top of your screen, there should be a button that looks like a small cog. Can you click on that?”

Caller: “Okay, I have done that.”

Me: “There should be a menu which pops us. Near the bottom of that, it should say, ‘Internet Options.’”

Caller: “Yes, I can see that.”

Me: “Click on ‘Internet Options.’”

Caller: “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

Me: “Oh, um, why?”

Caller: “That’s too hard. I don’t know much about computers.”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll tell you exactly what to click on.”

Caller: “Sorry, I can’t do it.” *Hangs up*

There were only about three more steps. I have successfully walked plenty of elderly and computer-illiterate people through this procedure, but this was the only time I have ever had someone give up after two steps.

I’m an IT manager for a Fortune 150 company. We are literally the largest company in our industry, so keeping up with the technology demands is challenging at best. Today, we have a virtual town hall with C-Level personnel. One topic discussed is how we are leveraging technology to benefit our personnel, workflows, and clients.

I get an interesting complaint from a user. She’s mad that we closed her ticket after emailing her three times through our ticketing system and not getting a response. When a user emails us, we don’t see the email. It automatically creates a ticket, and we work from that.

Me: “I understand your concern. All we received from you was a picture that just said, ‘Password incorrect,’ and a message from you that said, ‘Please help.’ My agent needed more information, which he emailed you about three times.”

User: “Well, I didn’t see it! He should have called me if he wanted more info!”

Me: “When someone sends us an email instead of calling us, we like to respect their choice of communication medium.”

User: “It’s hard to keep up with emails when they aren’t in the same thread! The agent should have just replied directly to my email like a normal person.”

Me: “That’s not possible in our setup. Your email turns into a ticket. We never actually see the email itself, just the ticket it made.”

User: “The technology needs to change. That’s not good.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. We’ve had this setup for the last eight years successfully.”

User: “Did you watch the town hall today?”

Me: “Yes. I had to run one of the video rooms.”

User: “Well, you saw the part about merging technology with people to achieve goals more efficiently. You should take this feedback to [Chief Information Officer].”

Me: *Eyeroll* “I’m sorry, but I won’t take this to [Chief Information Officer]. She has to work with all of the IT issues and coordinate with all other business units. This type of thing simply isn’t in her area. Besides, it’s not possible. The system we use is not capable of doing that.”

User: “So, you are refusing to take my feedback?”

Me: “No… I understand your concerns, but you ask the impossible. The system we have works very well for our organization. I’ll have my engineer call you once he is available for the problem you have, but I can’t change our email system.”

The user begrudgingly accepted that she wouldn’t see the impossible done for her that day. The issue she was having was simply putting in the wrong username on our employee portal.

I’m a service representative at an IT help desk for [Company]. One of our most basic functions is resetting the passwords for the various applications our clients use for their jobs. A customer calls in requesting a password reset, backed up by his manager, who insists it be done here and now. I happily oblige, but due to company policy, reset passwords in this particular application come out looking a bit like user IDs, and that causes some confusion.

Me: “So, were you able to log in with the new password?”

Customer: “No, it just keeps reloading the log-in screen. You said it was [password], right?”

Me: “Yes, [password].”

Customer: “Yes, I’m putting that in as my username, and the password is…?”

Me: “That is your password. Your username is the same as always.”

After clearing that up, the customer is able to log in. I go through my usual ending spiel, and the call wraps up per usual.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company’s] service desk, and have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “You, too.”

I stay on the line for a few seconds more, just in case he suddenly remembers something else he needs, and this is what I hear.

Customer: “I swear, they do this s*** just so some people can have a job.”

Manager: “Yeah, I’ll bet if I weren’t here, they would’ve been like, ‘Oh, let me send this ticket up and we’ll have it sorted out in two days!‘ F****** unbelievable…”

Bold words for two folks who put in a reset password for their username!

Related:
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 8
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 7
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 6
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 5
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 4

I’m working as an IT specialist for a medium-sized company. We receive new computer monitors and I’m swapping out any that are too old or mismatched.

Me: “I’m here to swap out your monitors.”

Agent: “Okay. Wait a second. Give me a minute to transfer my pictures.”

Me: “Um… your pictures will still be there once I’m finished.”

Agent: “How do you know what pictures I want saved?”

Me: “Because the pictures that display on your monitor are saved on your computer.”

Agent: *Facepalms* “Please don’t tell anyone how dumb I am.”

Me: “No promises.”

Related:
Not Properly Monitoring The Situation, Part 2
Not Properly Monitoring The Situation

I work for a divisional IT group in a municipal government. The first part of this exchange takes place via email.

Client: “Can you please open a ticket for a computer at [Rarely Visited Location]?”

Me: “We can definitely look into that. Can you please tell me which computer and what problems you’re experiencing with it?”

Client: “No. I don’t work at that location.”

Me: “Can you please give us the name of the person who reported the problem to you? We’ll need to speak to them to determine what’s required and what computer you need help with.”

Client: “You can just use me as the contact.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’ll need to speak with someone who knows: a) what computer it is, and b) what the problem is. It’s possible that the problem can be solved remotely, or it could be something we need to bring someone else in on, for example, our Internet provider, or maintenance if it’s a power issue. Once we have that information, we can dispatch a tech if required.”

Client: “Can you just send someone to check all of the computers in the building and make sure they’re working?”

Me: “As there are a few hundred computers in that building, I can’t send a tech to check all of them, especially when we don’t know what’s wrong with it. Unfortunately, we can’t troubleshoot a computer we don’t know anything about. If you receive any other communications about it, please have that person contact us via email at [email address] or phone at [phone].”

Five minutes later, I get a call from another user.

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached the [my division] IT Service Desk; how can I help you?”

Other Client: “Hi, yeah, I was told to call you?”

Me: “Okay, what can I help you with today?”

Other Client: “This computer isn’t working.”

I look up the caller’s information and realize that he is working out of the same [Rarely Visited Location] and is NOT part of our division. We don’t have administrative access to or authority over their equipment; they have their own on-site IT help.

Me: “Okay, I can see that you’re with another division. I may be limited in how much I can help you, but what’s the problem you’re experiencing?”

Other Client: “The screen’s black.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me if there are any lights on the monitor or the computer itself?”

Other Client: “No, no lights.”

Me: “Okay, can you please try turning the computer on?”

After about thirty seconds:

Other Client: “Oh, that did it! Thanks!”