The Stupidity That Powers Itself

, , , , , | Right | March 7, 2019

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “My computer will not turn on. I press the power button and nothing happens.”

Me: “All right. Is the computer plugged in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. What is the computer plugged in to?”

Customer: “You need to ask that?”

Me: “The last guy tried to plug the computer into his toaster.”

Customer: “It’s plugged into my power strip.”

Me: “Okay. What is this power strip plugged into?”

Customer: *pause* “The power strip.”

Me: “Sir, it’s a fire hazard to have more than one power strip’s worth of devices plugged into one socket.”

Customer: “No… I only have one power strip. Sorry, I’m a dumba**.”

Me: “That’s not as uncommon a mistake as you might expect, sir.”

(I actually keep track of this call, and when I get it, I tell them how many other people make this mistake. I am up to 62.)

Unfiltered Story #142107

, , | Unfiltered | February 27, 2019

(I’m the receptionist. A call comes in to the main switchboard (me))
Me: (company name), (me) speaking, how can I help you?
Caller: (silence. A sigh)
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello?
Me: Hello. How can I help you?
Caller: Who am I speaking with?
Me: The receptionist, at (company).
Caller: And what’s your name?
Me: (name). And what’s yours?
Caller: Are you automated, or real?
Me: Ha ha, I’m a real person! How can I help you?
Caller: No, you’re not.
Me: Um, I assure you, I am.
Caller: No. You’re not. You’re automated.
Me: Um…I promise you, I am real?
Caller: (silence)
Me: Hello?
Caller: Transfer me to Sam.
Me: Sure. Have a good day, I guess?

If Only You Could Monitor The Irony

, , , , , | Right | February 26, 2019

User: “Hi. This morning I called because my computer wasn’t working.”

Me: “Yes, I went to your workstation and swapped out the faulty screen. Is the new one working for you now?”

User: “Yes, everything’s working fine, but—“

Me: “Yes?”

User: “I was wondering when I’m going to get the old screen back. I didn’t really need a whole replacement screen; I just wanted that one to be fixed.”

Me: “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. The screen I took out is completely dead; it’s not powering on or responding to signal at all. Since these particular screens have no accessible configuration settings and no replaceable parts, the chances that we’ll be able to repair it are very low, and it would probably cost more to have replacement components sent to us than to buy a new unit. Swapping it out for a replacement of the same model is a much faster option.”

User: “Oh, well… Did you try turning it off and turning it back on again?”

(How the tables have turned.)

Discovered A New Pet Hate

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2019

(I work doing technical support at a retail branch of a large technology company. I have been helping a customer restore her much older device to factory settings, solving many of its problems and prolonging its usability. She looks to be about in her mid-60s.)

Customer: *beams happily at me* “Oh, you’re such a good girl.”

Me: “O… kay?”

Customer: *as though I was a well-trained dog* “You’re my good girl.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: *reaches out and pats me on my head*

Me: “Thank you?”

(Honestly, I was much too startled to be outraged or have any sort of response! About fifteen minutes later, I couldn’t believe what had actually transpired.)

One Step Forward, Eight Steps Back

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2019

Caller: “Hi. My Internet Explorer is not working.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “My ‘back’ and ‘forward’ buttons are disabled.”

Me: “So, you were surfing and would like to go back to the previous page, but it’s disabled?”

Caller: “No, I just opened the IE and I noticed that.”

Me: “Well, you did not surf anywhere, so you don’t have any place to go back or forward.”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Try clicking on any link.”

Caller: “Okay. Hey, my back button is enabled now, but forward is still grayed out.”

Me: “Try clicking back!”

Caller: “Forward is enabled now, but back is disabled!”

Me: *thinking he can’t be that dumb* “I must ask you! Is this a prank call?”

Caller: “No, I just wanted to report the problem.”

Me: “Sir. It’s working as intended. There is nothing wrong with your IE.”

(I wish I could add, “…but something wrong with you!”)

Caller: “Okay. Thank you.”


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