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Pretty Darn Foolish

, , , | Right | CREDIT: little_miss_bonkers | August 19, 2021

A customer calls in asking if I can convert a PDF to a Word document for them. I go through the basics of getting the customer’s name, the school, and the machine details, which she cannot provide.

Me: “You can do this yourself by finding the PDF in Downloads, highlighting the doc by clicking onto it and right-clicking, and use the ‘Open With Word’ option, and then you can save it as a Word document.”

Customer: “Oh, can’t you remote on and do that for me? I am in the middle of something.”

Me: “Our services are for technical issues like if you have no option to open with or it comes up with an error when you try to do this; this is a relatively easy task that takes only a couple of seconds. Getting remote setup on your machine would actually take longer, as you said you didn’t understand how to provide your machine name.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh, never mind. I’ll log a ticket!”

Me: “Feel free. I’ll provide written instructions to you so you can convert PDFs to Word.”

Customer: “No, no, so you convert it and send it back.”

Me: “We currently have three schools down due to power outages; it will take a while for one of us to respond to a low-priority ticket. It’ll be quicker if you follow my instructions. In addition, as I explained, this is not a technology fault for us to fix, so the standard protocol is to send you written instructions; anybody that gets the ticket will do so.”

Customer: “I thought you were here to assist us with our job? Never mind.”

Bye-bye, administrator who can’t do basic tasks.

We are here to help you if the technology refuses to cooperate and do a task for you, not to remote on and complete that task for you because you do not know how to do it. We can provide you instructions on how to do it, even training, but we will charge. Considering you have worked at the school for over fifteen years, you know how to convert a PDF. Don’t play dumb on me.

If I were having a less stressful day, and she’d provided the machine information, I would have remoted on and showed her and got her to do it and let her know why it’s the way it is. Not being able to understand basic instruction means no remote session.

The Cooling Fans Aren’t The Loudest Thing Here

, , , | Right | August 8, 2021

A customer has recently bought an expensive piece of equipment from my company, and he called in to complain he has a problem and we need to send him a new one. The problem which apparently requires a free thousand-pound product be sent out immediately? The cooling fans are unusually loud.

A junior colleague is the one to pick up the call, and even getting the customer’s order details to make sure he bought it from us causes shouting and screaming. When we ask for a video of the problem so we can see what’s going on, he adds swearing and physical threats into the mix and the owner of our company takes over the call.

This is what our office overhears from the owner’s side of the conversation.

Owner: “Hi. I’m sorry to hear about—”

Owner: “Of course, we want to help you. We just need—”

Owner: “We’re not arguing; we want to help. We only need—”

Owner: “Please just let me explain—”

Owner: “No, I need to speak without being interrupted so I can tell you—”

Owner: “Sir, we have a policy on unacceptable communication, and if you keep shouting and swearing—”

Owner: “Of course we want to help. We’re not arguing. Just please let me tell you what we need without interrupting what I’m—”

Owner: “If I can’t tell you what we need then we can’t—”

Owner: “I think it would be best if I email since you won’t—”

Owner: “No, we won’t call you back. If I can’t say what I need to say over the phone, then why—”

Owner: “Okay, I’ll email you now. Goodbye.”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 44

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: msgbubba | August 3, 2021

A few years ago, I was working as tech support for a security system company.

Me: “Tech support, this is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I was just looking to get help with setting up my cameras.”

Me: “I would definitely be happy to help. First, you are going to need to go to the camera and press and hold the WPS button until the LED is flashing blue.”

Customer: “Okay, the little light is flashing.”

Me: “Okay. Now I need you to go to your router and press and hold the button for three seconds.”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your router — it’s the box for your Internet.”

Customer: “But I ordered the Wi-Fi.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I ordered the Wi-Fi; this system was supposed to have Wi-Fi.”

Me: *Facepalm* “Yes, the system is Wi-Fi capable, but you need to have Internet for it to work.”

Customer: “But is supposed to have Wi-Fi; that’s what I paid for.”

We go back and forth like this for a few minutes

Me: “Ma’am, you will need to get Internet for the cameras to work.”

Customer: “Then I just want to send them back.”

Me: “Sure thing. I will mail you a return label and you can send them back in the same box.”

Customer: “And could you cancel the Wi-Fi?”

Me: *Facepalm* “Yes, I’ll cancel the Wi-Fi.”

Customer: “Thank you.” *Click*

Me: *Long sigh*

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 43
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 42
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 41
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 39

His Sexism Is Making Him Deaf

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2021

I work as a tech support rep. I am one of the more tenured people at this center, and other reps often come to me for help. I know what I am doing, but I have the unfortunate affliction of being female.

Me: “Your ticket has been closed. Your issue is a known issue. There is no estimated time of resolution, but we have enough reports that this is regarded as an ongoing issue and our backend teams will continue to work on it.”

Customer: “Okay, but I’d like to hear it from a tech.”

Me: “Sir, I am a tech.”

Customer: “Yes, but I want to hear it from a tech.”

Me: “Sir, I am a tech support representative. You are speaking to a tech.”

Customer: “Well, I just want to hear it from a tech.”

Me: “I. AM. A. TECH. You want to speak to a tech, and you are currently speaking to a tech, which is me.”

Customer: “I just want to hear it from a tech!”

Me: *Giving up* “Fine. I’ll have someone call you.”

I turn to a male coworker.

Me: “[Coworker], can you call this guy? I don’t want to make it sound like I’m being a drama queen, but he wants to hear it from a male. He keeps asking for a tech and refuses to believe I am one.”

Later:

Coworker: “Yeah, you were right. He was sexist.”

There’s no funny ending, no comeuppance. It’s just another story about the often-infuriating experience of someone assuming I don’t know anything because I’m a woman.

Not Even A Remote Chance Of That Working

, , , | Right | CREDIT: DeciduousEmu | July 31, 2021

I get a tech support call from a remote sales rep.

Me: “IT, how can I help you?”

Sales Representative: “I haven’t been able to get email for a couple of days now on my laptop.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll start a remote session. Accept the prompt when it pops up.”

Sales Representative: “I don’t have my laptop right now. It’s in the trunk of my car.”

Me: “Well, go get it.”

Sales Representative: “I can’t. I’m driving down the interstate. Can’t you remotely start the laptop and fix it for me?”

Me: *Long pause* “No. We can’t do that. You need to be on your laptop, logged in, and connected to the VPN for us to provide any assistance. Drive safe.”

I hung up and pondered how this sales rep can even function as an independent adult.