Home Printed Scams

, , , | Working | July 16, 2019

(I occasionally do office work for my mother’s home business. She is having difficulty with her network printer; for some reason, the connection keeps dropping, so we visit the support website listed on the printer and begin talking to an online support consultant.)

Me: “Hi. My mum recently purchased a [type] network printer from your company; it seems to be having difficulty staying connected to the WiFi. Can you help?

Consultant: “Yes. I will send you a remote access request now. Please go to this website.” *provides link*

Me: *after checking the link* “Okay.”

(Remote access comes up, and I accept it. Mum and I sit there watching as he clicks on My Documents, clicks around for a little while, right clicks on the desktop, and does nothing, never even going near the Devices and Printers area. By now, I’m getting wary.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Consultant: “Yes.”

(After a long pause, they then open Internet Explorer, and of all things, they type the URL for Facebook!)

Me: “What are you doing?”

(Luckily, my mum rarely uses it and always logs herself out!)

Consultant: “Please log in to Facebook.”

Me: “Why?”

Consultant: “Please log in to Facebook.”

Me: “Why do you even need it?!”

(The consultant then closed Facebook and went to a website I did not recognise, and they began downloading something onto her computer. At that moment, with Mum panicking behind me, I hard-switched off the computer, and Mum switched off the router. God only knows what they were trying to do! We reported the incident to the company. They agreed that was their support website but denied everything that had happened. Needless to say, when they next sent a bill for their hire services, we refused to pay and returned the printer.)

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Unfiltered Story #157542

, | Unfiltered | July 12, 2019

Me: “How can I assist you today?”
Customer” : “Well, you could put a fucking picture on my screen”!

Works Both Ways

, , , , , , | Right | July 11, 2019

(It’s the 1980s. I am on telephone support for a software company. I have a common first name, and there are four other employees with the same first name. Two of us share an office. Because there are five of us, we have to tell customers our last name, in case they need to call back, or file a complaint or compliment. It is against policy to give our real names, so we each make up a last name for our phone identity. I pick the name “Booth.” I figure it is a good mnemonic; customers will remember that if they needed help, just “phone Booth.” I am speaking to one customer. After spending nearly an hour getting her software up and running, we have this exchange:)

Customer: “Can I have your name, in case I have to call back?”

Me: “It’s [My Name] Booth.”

Customer: “How do you spell that? L-O-O-S-E?”

Me: “No, not ‘Loose.’ It’s ‘Booth,’ like in ‘phone booth.’”

Customer: “Oh, B-O-O-S-E?”

Me: “No, it’s like ‘phone booth.’ B-O-O-T-H.”

Customer: “Oh, B-O-T-H.”

Me: *facepalm* “Right.”

(I decided that was close enough, and ended the call. Then, I realized that if she ever called back, she’d ask to speak to [My Name]. The receptionist would ask, “Which [My Name]?” and she’d say, “Both.” At least she’d be connected to the right office!)

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Like A Regular Igloo But With Wi-Fi

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2019

(I work for a government agency and provide 24/7 support for other agencies. This particular call takes place at 2:00 am.)

Me: “IT, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need my login password reset.”

Me: “Sure thing. We just need to verify your identity.”

(After verifying the customer’s identity I provide the password.)

Me: “Your password is, ‘Every$boy.’”

Customer: “So that’s E as in ‘igloo,’ right?”

Me: *silence* “Um… Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, got it. Thanks, bye!”

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At Least They Don’t Have To De-Bugs Bunny The System

, , , | Right | July 4, 2019

(I work in an IT department and we take turns covering the on-call shifts. I get woken up at 1:30 in the morning because a user is locked out of her computer. She doesn’t remember her password, so I give her a temporary one, which forces her to change her password. I stay on the phone to make sure she doesn’t have any issues. The conversation goes like this:)

Me: “Please remember, your password must be at least eight characters long and contain three of these four items; an uppercase, a lowercase, a number, or a special character.”

Caller: “I don’t know what you mean by uppercase and lowercase.”

Me: “A capital letter and a lowercase letter; a big letter and a little letter. Also a number or a special character. It needs to have three of those four things. I will wait while you try.”

Caller: *mumbling the password to herself as she types*

Me: “Please don’t save your password yet. You have not met the criteria. I only heard a capital letter and a lowercase letter. You need either a number or a special character.”

Caller: “But… Donald Duck is a special character.”

(Yes, her password was, “DonaldDuck.”)

Me: “No… no, it’s not.” *head in hand*

(This was a call that took forty-five minutes and normally takes five.)

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