Looks Like IMF Are In The Building!

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2018

(I work as on-call tech support for a company. I receive a call from work that the Internet is down, so I go to check it. To make a long story short, the ISP is down. I go to inform the guard we have at the company. It is around 9:30 pm.)

Me: “Do you have any Internet?”

Guard: “No, not at the moment.”

Me: “Yeah, the whole region is down due to a failure at the Internet Service Provider.”

Guard: “Yeah, everything is down… except for the camera security footage at [Different Site].”

(I know the footage comes via the Internet.)

Me: “Okay, that is strange.”

Guard: “Wait a second. This footage is stuck at 7:30 am!”

(I was wondering why there were still so many cars parked at the factory.)

Unfiltered Story #120927

, | Unfiltered | September 13, 2018

I work for an ISP support line, We support for a company that provides Australia with internet.

Customer: My internet is not working! fix it now!

Me: sure, what lights are on showing on the modem?

Customer: nothing, why cant you guys just bloody fix this? stop asking me all these stupid questions?!

Me: oh, the power light is out too?

Customer: yes

Me: i see, is the modem plugged in and turned on by any chance?

Customer: no, no this is a wireless modem.. I dont need to plug anything in.

Me: (face palm)

after a few mins i had the customer online.. and yes i had to explain the WIFI is wireless but the modem needed to be plugged in at all times LOL

Unfiltered Story #120617

, , | Unfiltered | September 11, 2018

(The phones are busy on this day, but this call sticks out in particular:)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help today?”

Customer: “The internet on my phone isn’t working. I need my interwebs!”

Me: “I can help you with that. Let me ask, is your wifi and data turned on?”

Customer: “It’s turned on but its not working.”

Me: “Okay well let’s check. Go into wifi and turn it off.”

(The customer does as instructed after giving her step-by-step instructions.)

Me: “Okay now is data turned on?”

Customer: “I guess…”

Me: *sigh* “Okay, I guess isn’t 100% positive though. We need to make sure. Go to Data Usage and check to make sure Mobile Data is turned on. ”

Customer: “Oh my god, its working… how’d you…”

(After a brief pause, it was like a light bulb suddenly turned on inside her head because the next thing I hear is:)

Customer: “…this conversation never happened… THANKS!” *click*

(Sadly, this happens several times a day.)

Doesn’t Understand The Prints-iples

, , | Right | September 5, 2018

(I work for a company that provides third party tech support to employees of other companies, mostly assisting with their PC and printer issues. I have just installed printer drivers for a caller. Up until this point, he has seemed a little lost, but not completely clueless. I am still looking at his computer screen through the remote connection.)

Me: “Okay, go ahead and try to print something so we can test this.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(A minute or so goes by, and nothing happens on the screen.)

Caller: “It still isn’t printing.”

Me: “Um… you weren’t trying to print from this computer.”

Caller: “You mean it isn’t also going to work on my other computer?”

Me: “…”

Vice-President Of Voicemail

, , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(Working in tech support means that you often get gems, which makes sense when you consider that I handle maybe twenty to thirty calls a night. Recently, I had one call that made me really wonder HOW people manage to get high-paying jobs… without understanding the simplest actions. After a spiel about the company, and getting a user ID to look the client up:)

Me: “What is the nature of your problem?”

Client: *agitated* “I can’t access my voicemail! I need you to unlock it or reset my PIN!”

Me: “Okay, that’s not hard. Just need to verify—”

Client: “Verify? What do you mean verify?”

Me: “Company rules. I just need to be sure you are who you say you are.”

Client: “Can’t my assistant just do this?”

Me: “No. It has to be you.”

(I ask for verification of identity, and then start checking some things.)

Client: “What’s taking so long?! I’m a Vice President, and it shouldn’t take this long!”

Me: “VP or not, sir, I still have to isolate your identity from the list of some three thousand people with the same name, and then change the PIN. It’s going to take me a bit of time, so bear with me.”

Client: “Fine… Whatever.”

(After resetting his PIN, I have him give it a go, only to have it not work. We try this a second time, and it still doesn’t work.)

Client: “Stupid. You can’t do anything right!”

Me: *staying civil, as calls are recorded* “It’s odd that it’s not working… Tell me, what exactly are you doing when you log in?”

Client: “The same thing I do every time, you stupid muppet! I press mail on the phone, then star, and then enter the pin! What do you think I’m doing?”

Me: *inwardly* “Making me want to hang up on you.” *to client* “Okay, there’s a couple options here. Let me just put you on hold a moment and check with someone on this.”

(I quickly put the client on hold, and call up the telecom agents. After relating the client’s name, and his trouble, the telecom agent groans and says:)

Telecom: “Him… Again? Bloody h***. Tell that stupid wanker to quit pushing the star key. I walked him through that twice already, and he’s not figured out that it doesn’t work the way he wants it to.”

Me: *laughing* “I can’t tell him that.”

(After a few moments, the telecom agent asks me to put him on the line with the client and me. I do the transfer, and introduce the telecom agent. At this point the client seems to calm down, and even get a bit sheepish.)

Telecom: “VP? We’ve talked about this with you no less than three times now, and I’ll say it again. STOP PUSHING THE D*** STAR KEY!”

Client: “I… sorry. I…” *hangs up*

(In the end, I had to put a resolution to the problem, knowing full well that the client, and his direct supervisor, would be given a copy of the ticket. In the resolution field, I wrote, “Client complained that he could not access his voicemail. After repeated tries, I contacted Telecom, and was informed that client was disregarding instructions on how to access his voicemail. Client has been informed that he is not to continue pushing buttons on the phone, as doing so is not required, nor advised, for the accessing of his voicemail.”)

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