Blogging A Dead Horse

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2018

(A woman in her late 40s recently hired me to add analytics to her blog. It’s basically just a vanity blog about being rich and complaining about how no one goes to church anymore and how “political correctness” is ruining society. I cringe a few times as I am reading it while I install the analytics. Nevertheless, it is a paying job and I’m not here to judge, so I do what I am paid to do, am paid for it, and move on. A month later, I get a call from her.)

Customer: “Your analyser is broken! It’s not showing the right numbers!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. I’ll just go and have a look.” *checks it all out* “I’m seeing ten page loads this week. I just reloaded it, and now it’s clicked to eleven. It all seems to be working properly.”

Customer: “No, no, no! I get way more views than that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but how do you know?”

Customer: “My husband says he reads it every day! So do all of his employees, and all my friends from bridge club, and my neighbors say they read it, too!”

(Realization slowly dawns on me.)

Me: “Oh, okay. I’m so sorry it doesn’t seem to be working correctly. I’ll look into it.”

(Stumped as to what to do, I end up finding her husband’s email address and warning him about the analytics. I get a one-line email back.)

Husband: “Well, f***. Any chance I could pay you again to just take it off the site?”

(I declined. I’m not sure what happened, but I never heard from them again.)

They Should Make An App For That

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(An elderly woman walks in.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to read the Bible from my phone and my grandson told me to get it from the app store. Can you give me directions?”

Me: “Directions to what?”

Customer: “The app store. He didn’t tell me where it is, and I don’t know how to use my GPS.”

(I explained to her what the app store was. She walked away, embarrassed.)

Unfiltered Story #103840

, , , | Unfiltered | January 18, 2018

I work for a company that issues computers to all of its field employees. I work in the corporate office, troubleshooting various issues.

A user called in after her laptop keyboard quit working all of a sudden. She said she was using it, got up for something, came back, and then all of the keys wouldn’t work. Some would, some wouldn’t, but she couldn’t log in because only some of the keys would detect when typing. The screen was kind of glitching out too.

After a couple of minutes, she then ads, “Oh, and I spilled some water on it. Do you think that would cause the problem?”

Dropped The Call On That One

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(I do tech support for a small telephone company. At the start of every call, we ask for the customer’s name and phone number. The calls are usually routed to us through the business office, so the number that shows up on the caller ID doesn’t help identify the customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Telecom. My name is [My Name]. Can I get your name and a good phone number to call you back on, in case we get disconnected?”

Caller: “Hi, yes, thanks. I — oh, hang on, I’ve got a call coming in on my cell.” *thirty seconds of rustling, distant voices, etc.* “Okay, never mind. Anyway, sorry. I’m having trouble with my phone service.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but I’d be happy to help! Can I—”

Caller: “It will drop out randomly. I’ll just be talking, and then it will disconnect out of the blue.”

Me: “I understand. Is there a—”

Caller: “It’s been happening for a couple of weeks now, but this is the first I called because I’ve been busy.”

Me: “No problem! Let me get a good—”

Caller: “Are you the right person to help with this? I really want to get it fixed.”

Me: “I can absolutely help, but first, can I ask—” *click*

Good Thing You Didn’t Tell Them It Had A Virus

, , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I am working a slow shift at a tech repair shop in my hometown, when an angry woman marches in with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. How can I h—”

Customer: “Listen to me, kid!” *she opens the laptop to reveal a blackened screen with a good portion of it burned completely* “I’ve had this computer for a year, and nothing’s gone wrong. Today, the screen went blue and it wouldn’t let me keep shopping! My son said it was frozen, so I tried to thaw it out, but it just got f***** up! Fix it, d*** it!”

Me: “Ma’am… Did… Did you put an open flame on the screen?”

Customer: “Well, duh! I put it on the stove to thaw it out faster. What do you think, I’m stupid or something?”

Page 3/14212345...Last
« Previous
Next »