Won’t Spoon-Feed You That Solution

, , , , , | Right | May 3, 2019

(I work as an IT Support person, answering phone calls and emails about IT problems. We work remotely so we are never physically at a customer’s site.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello! Our printer won’t stop printing! Please help! It’s going through a lot of pages!”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me which computer the printer is connected to? Has the print queue been cleared?”

Caller: “I’m not sure. I think it might be PC1, but we’ve stopped it for the moment.”

Me: “No worries. I’ll connect. You say you’ve stopped the printer; have you unplugged the printer?”

Caller: “No, we’ve put a spoon in it.”

Me: “Sorry, you’ve put a what in it?!”

Caller: “A spoon! We jammed it in the front. The paper isn’t moving now… Was that bad?”

Me: “Well… To be honest, it’s not great…”

As Sick As A Parrot

, , , , , | Right | April 26, 2019

(I work in an IT support role for veterinary practices as we build their software and computers. I have a five-minute phone call setting up a machine, and during the call, I hear two things every ten to twenty seconds: a parrot squawk followed by the Samsung message alert whistle.)

Me: “I’ll just need a couple of minutes to finish this off.”


Me: “It should install quite quickly.”

Customer: “No problem. I can wait.”

(Squawk! Whistle!)

Me: “Sounds quite busy over there today!”

Customer: “I have ten minutes until I leave, and I am so looking forward to it.”


Me: “Oh, that’s good!”

Customer: “Yeah, the parrot is in for observation and will not shut up.”


Customer: “It’s not a phone you are hearing. It’s this d*** bird.”

Me: “Oh, my God…”


Customer: “Yep…” *sigh*


Customer: “He’s been here for two days! We’re about close to—“ *whistle* ”—KILLING HIM!”

(I couldn’t hit my mute button fast enough to burst out laughing!)

Unfiltered Story #148116

, , | Unfiltered | April 25, 2019

(I work for an IT company that provides Helpdesk support and other IT services to companies in our area. We manage the IT for roughly one hundred and fifty different organizations, including auto shops, animal hospitals, dentists, and police stations. This particular autoshop uses specialized software to bring up technical manuals for the cars they service and sell.)

Customer: “Yes, our [Tech Manual Software] has stopped working for everyone in the shop! This is a critical problem and needs to be resolved today!”

(I pushed aside my other tickets to make time to work for this one, as can’t work tickets take the highest priority in our schedules. I called within twenty minutes of the ticket being made, got his voice mail. Did not hear back from him for a full day.)

Customer: “You guys need to be faster! We haven’t been able to do anything in the shop and are losing business!”
Me: “I understand, sir. What seems to be the problem and I will get this fixed as soon as possible.”

(I remote in to his computer, so I can see what he sees.)

Customer: “Well, take a look. When I go into [Software] and select a make and model, we get our little PDF, but all the pages are missing!”
Me: “Ok, let me take a look.”

(I go back to the main menu of the program and see a giant flashing blue banner that says not to update Adobe Reader)

Me: “… Uh, did you happen to update Adobe Reader any time recently?”
Customer: “Yeah, why?”

(I had to sit on with the software company’s tech support for a good hour before I managed to get a tech who could locate the legacy version of Reader that worked with the program. Also, come to find out that only three of the six service computers had the issue. They could still work just fine.)

Laptop Flop, Part 26

, , , , | Working | April 24, 2019

(I work as an IT tech in a school, taking care of everything involved. I maintain the servers and the LAN, but I also solve soft- and hardware problems, install new devices, etc. One day, I arrive at work and a teacher tells me that there’s a salesman waiting for me. I’m surprised because my work doesn’t include talking to salespeople. Since I don’t want to be rude, I go to tell him that he should see the principal if he wants to do business. I introduce myself to him and we have this conversation.)

Me: “Hi. You were looking for me?”

Salesman: “Yes, finally you’re here. Now, this is my problem: my laptop won’t start anymore and I need it because I have a meeting in an hour. So, start solving the problem.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Salesman: “My wife is Mrs. [Teacher], and she told me you’re good with computers and you could solve the problem. Now hurry up. You’re wasting my time.”

Me: “Well, mister, you can forget it. I’m not working on devices that don’t belong to the school. [Computer Shop] at [Street] probably can fix your problem. Bye.”

Salesman: *goes into a rage* “No! You’re going to fix it for me now or I’ll have you fired.”

Me: “Good luck with that. They are not going to fire me, and you’re not going to get your laptop fixed if you go on ranting while you should be driving to the computer shop.”

(The salesman wouldn’t listen and kept insisting that I had to repair his laptop. The principal came out of his office and told the guy to shut up and leave or he would personally escort him out of the building. The guy left. The teacher later told me that I was in the wrong for not helping her husband. I made it clear that I would have tried to help him for free if he had ASKED me, but I was not going to help someone who was ORDERING me to help him. I found out that he wasn’t a salesman but a business consultant, and that day he had a meeting with a new client. If he had gotten the job he would have earned big bucks. But he was late for the appointment and his laptop with his presentation on it wouldn’t start. The client didn’t hire him. I wonder why.)

Laptop Flop, Part 25
Laptop Flop, Part 24
Laptop Flop, Part 23

Unfiltered Story #147162

, , , | Unfiltered | April 18, 2019

[I work at home as tech support for a major ISP. I take calls from people who have internet service and help them connect devices, retrieve passwords, etc. I also do basic  It’s Memorial Day]

Me: “Good afternoon and thank you for calling [ISP] how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My Internet isn’t working.”

Me: *Works in the internet department only, so that’s obvious* Okay, well we can definitely take a look and hopefully I’ll be able to get everything sorted out for you pretty quickly here.”

(We go through normal troubleshooting. And I resolve her issue within 15 minutes or so.)

Me: “So we’ve got the laptop connected to the network again, and you can get online. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: No, thank you. I’m sorry you had to work today.”

Me: Ah… I don’t mind too much. You have a nice rest of your day.”

Customer: You too. *hangs up*

Me: … *facepalms, thinking* And just who do you think would have taken your call if we weren’t working today?

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