Laptop Flop, Part 8

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Working | April 28, 2017

(At our company, most people still use desktops, but we can issue laptops to people who need to travel, work remotely, or present a lot of meetings. We have a limited number of laptops to give out, so they are always in high demand, but I think this request took the cake…)

User: “I do work at two different departments within the company, so I need to travel back and forth inside the building frequently. I would like another desk to be set up with monitors, mouse, and keyboard, and a phone at my second location. In addition, I’d like a second laptop, so that I don’t have to carry my laptop between desks.”

Laptop Flop, Part 7
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5

Welcome To ROCKS Operating System

, | WV, USA | Working | April 24, 2017

Coworker: *with the phone on mute* “Why are you working on a computer?! Stop. Go get a hammer, and break rocks into smaller rocks. Don’t do anything that involves technology!”

(Unmutes the phone.)

Coworker: “Yes, sir. I want you to click the button that says ‘open.'”

No Vocation For Location

| USA | Right | April 17, 2017

(Troubleshooting is little bit different for callers from offices and for calls using VPN. I work on out-of-hours so it is usually for remote workers, but not always.)

Me: “Are in office or are you remote?”

Caller: “What do you mean by that?”

Me: “Are you in office or are you at your home?”

Caller: “Sorry, I’m not technical savvy.”

Me: “Well, this is not technical. Where are you?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Maybe you need some vacation.”

Infested With Callers

| Greenville, SC, USA | Right | April 17, 2017

(I’m making outbound phone calls to customers whose issues couldn’t be resolved in the first phone call to our company, when I find this one. The notes read as follows:)

Note: “Customer is calling to check the status of his repair. Service center has determined the device is heavily infested with cockroaches and is refusing service due to the infestation. Customer wants to know how to clean the device out so that the service center will repair it. Call customer back and advise.”

(Included with the notes were graphic pictures from the service center of the open electronic device full of cockroach carcasses and general funk. Dreading the call I asked my supervisor what I could suggest to him if anything. She suggested that he could insert the business end of a canister of canned air into one side of the unit and try to blow the bodies out of the other. As I was gagging at the thought of roach bits becoming airborne, I call the customer back.)

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m calling from [Company] regarding your device…”

Customer: “Are you going to tell me how to clean it out? I need my s*** fixed! Hold on, I’m on the phone with another f***er from your company. Let me hang up on this f***er.”

(Fortunately for me, he accidentally hung up on me in the process and I didn’t have to call him back because he already had someone else on the line.)

Taking The Long Route(r)

| Israel | Right | March 12, 2017

(I work at the IT office in the city I live in. I’m female. I get a call from a city-funded kindergarten:)

Me: “IT office.”

Kindergarten Teacher: “Hi, we have a problem with the computer here. The Internet isn’t working.”

Me: “I see. Let’s see if there’s a way we can get this fixed over the phone, so you don’t have to wait for me to get to you.”

Kindergarten Teacher: “Look, is there no way you can just send someone over?”

Me: “I’m the person who usually goes out into the field. The reason I’m taking calls right now is that it’s still early in the morning, and no one else has arrived yet. These problems are very often easy to fix, and it would be a shame for you to wait until I got to you, only for me to restart your router, which you could easily do yourself and have Internet within minutes.”

Kindergarten Teacher: “But you don’t understand. We’re all women here, so we don’t know anything about computers. Just send one of the guys out. They’ll be able to fix it.”

(Having no words, I ended the call. The kicker is that I didn’t end up getting to that Kindergarten until hours later. Needless to say that all I did was restart the router, and they had Internet minutes later.)

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