Caps Lock Block

, , , , , | Working | July 31, 2019

(I’m working basically as a receptionist for the IT department, as I have little to no Comp Sci skills, but I’ve been trained on how to help professors log into their email if they’re having trouble, reset passwords, etc.)

Me: “IT Help Desk.”

Caller: “Hi, this is [Head of Engineering Department]. I can’t log into my email.”

Me: “Okay, is your Caps Lock on?”

Caller: “My what?”

Me: *silent for a moment wondering if she’d kidding* “Caps Lock? The button that makes all your letters capital?”

Caller: “Where is that? Low do I turn it off?”

Me: *explains the location on the keyboard while internally screaming*

(I told a coworker about it later and he replied, “Oh, yeah, she’s good with numbers but is kind of a dumba**.”)


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A Big Hole In The Invoice

, , , , | Right | July 29, 2019

(A business client is moving into a new office space and doing heavy renovations to it before they move over, including running network cable through the walls and getting all new furniture. My husband is their IT guy, and he is installing the new network cables and outlets it’s hooked to, as well as setting up their phone system. Due to the schedules of the plasterers, etc., he comes in at night, under his usual after-hours fee, which the client approves. One day, the client comes by to see him at the new building as he’s working.)

Client: “Yeah, hey, so do you have, you know, like those drill attachments that are really big? Like, you know, about this big. ” *indicates a diameter of about three inches*

Husband: “Yeah, I’ve got a set of those at home. Why? You need to borrow them?”

Client: “Well, it’s these desks, see. They’ve got holes for all the cables on this side, but we’ll need the holes to be on the other side.”

Husband: *takes a look at the existing holes* “Yeah, I’ve got something this size. I can bring it in with me when I come back tomorrow. Do you have a drill?”

Client: “Why? Don’t you have one?”

Husband: “I do. Do you need one?”

Client: “No, but you will.”

(It ends up that the client wants my husband, the network guy charging almost a hundred dollars an hour, to drill all these holes in the desks.)

Husband: “Are you sure you want me to do that? I mean, it’s not hard, and I’d have to charge you for my time. You could do it yourself really easily.”

Client: “No, no. This is a networking thing; you need to do it.”

Husband: “Okay, just so long as you know I’ll have to charge you for it.”

Client: “Yeah, yeah, that’s fine.”

(My husband gets the holes drilled and presents an invoice when the work’s done.)

Client: “What the h*** is this charge for drilling the holes?! That’s completely outrageous!”

Husband: “I did tell you that I would have to charge for my time. I was here until two am drilling them.”

Client: “But this is for hundreds of dollars, just to drill a bunch of holes! It’s ridiculous! You shouldn’t be charging me for that; I could have just done it myself!”

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, , , | Right | July 25, 2019

(One of my jobs is to help people log into their accounts, make sure their active directory and exchange accounts are working, and do remote tech support. A guy calls up and says the following:)

Caller: “Hi… Um, I have no idea what I’m doing. How do I log in?”

Me: “Okay, you type ctrl + alt + delete, and then the system will ask you to input your username and password.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “Oh, I can give you that. What’s your name?”

Caller: *gives his name and employee ID*

Me: “Okay, your username and password is your last name plus your first initials. Your temporary password is [password].”

Caller: “What’s a username?”

(At this point, I am starting to wonder if he is messing with me.)

Me: “Well, that’s your unique account ID that allows you to use the computer.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. So, how does it work?”

Me: “You input your username in the top box.”

Caller: “Okay.” *inputs username*

Me: “Then, you type your temporary password into the bottom box and hit Enter.”

Caller: *does this and then pauses* “Uh… It’s not working.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Caller: “It says, ‘Other login options or insert smart card.’”

Me: “Okay, that’s weird. Did you hit Enter after typing in your password?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, let’s try it again, then. Put in your username and your password, and then press Enter.”

Caller: “It did it again! Why doesn’t this stupid thing work?”

Me: “Did you press Enter?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you sure you pressed Enter?”

Caller: “YES!”

Me: “Did you click on anything with your mouse before you pressed Enter?”

Caller: “No… Well, yeah. I thought it was like the Facebook on my phone, so after I typed in my info, I clicked the big button underneath.”

Me: “Don’t click that. That leads you to other methods for logging in.”

Caller: “Oh… So, how do I log in?”

Me: “You type in your username. Don’t click anything, and then type the enter key.”

Caller: “It’s telling me my password is blank.”

Me: “Did you type your password in the password box?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Why not?”

Caller: “You told me not to click anything.”

Me: “Okay, listen carefully and do exactly what I tell you to do. Do not do anything unless you hear me say, ‘Do that.’”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “Click on the box that says, ‘Username,’ and type in your username.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “…”

(I explain again.)

Caller: *types in his username*

Me: “Okay, now click on the password box and type in your password. Do not click on anything else, and then press the big button on your keyboard the says Enter.”

Caller: “Okay. It’s telling me my password has expired.”

Me: “Okay, now you need to type in a new password — something that will be easy to remember. Make sure it’s a combination of eight or more number or letters.”

Caller: “Okay!” *types in new password* “It didn’t work!”

Me: “Okay, did you use a combination of eight numbers and letters or more?”

Caller: “Oh… I only used seven…”

Me: “Okay, type a new password. Make sure you have a combination of eight numbers and letters.”

(I finally managed to get the guy logged in, and he hung up and went along his merry way. About an hour later, one of my buddies shouted over his cubicle saying that one of my customers had just called and forgot his password and didn’t know what his username was.)

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Might Want To Cancel Whoever Came Up With That Policy

, , , , , | Working | July 19, 2019

(I have a credit card and they have been calling me somewhat regularly trying to get me to sign up for their balance protection insurance. Finally, tired of the continued calls, I let them talk me into signing up after they assure me multiple times that if I pay my balance off every bill, there is no charge. This is what happens when I call to cancel the program after seeing a charge on my first bill after signing up.)

Agent: “Hi, thanks for calling. What can I help you with?”

Me: “I’m calling to cancel the balance protection insurance. When I signed up, I was told there was no charge if I paid my balance every month, and I’m looking at a charge for $5.11 on my bill.”

Agent: “I’m sorry you didn’t understand how our—“

Me: *interrupting* “I understood perfectly. The salesman lied to me and said there was no charge if I paid my balance in full every month. I paid off my balance in full, and yet, I see a charge. I would like to cancel it.”

Agent: “I understand. The insurance protects you from charges if you are injured or lose—“

Me: *interrupting and getting angry* “I don’t care what it does! I was lied to about it and I want it cancelled.”

Agent: “I understand, sir, but I’m not allowed to cancel it until I explain the program to you.”

Me: “Seriously?! Just cancel it!”

Agent: *after a pause* “I’m not allowed to cancel it until I’ve explained the program.”

Me: “Fine! You explain it, I’m going to set the phone down and I’ll check back in a bit.”

(She pauses for a moment and then starts explaining the program. I set down the phone and get back to work on my computer. A couple of minutes later, I hear her saying:)

Agent: “Sir! Are you still there? Sir, can you hear me?”

(I pick back up the phone and say:)

Me: “Cancel it.”

(I do not know how long she was trying to get my attention before I heard her, but I did get that insurance cancelled and didn’t have to listen to the sales pitch for it.)

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His Understanding Of Tech Security Has Expired

, , , | Right | July 19, 2019

Me: “Good morning. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got locked out of my computer. Can I get a reset?”

Me: “Of course!” *gets a user ID, generates a new password, gives it to customer*

Customer: “Oh, look, it’s giving me the same error as before.”

Me: “What’s the error say?”

Customer: “It says, ‘Password Expired.’”

Me: “Yeah, these are only temporary passwords, so you’ll have to make up a new one to get in.”

Customer: “I HAVE TO MAKE UP A NEW PASSWORD?! I thought I could just keep typing in my old one until it worked!”

Me: “N-no. It doesn’t work like that… Sorry.”

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