Option 1 For Me, 2 For Myself, And 3 For I

, , , | Right | June 18, 2017

(On weekend night shift there are usually three agents. But on this night, one is on scheduled vacation and the other one called off the day before because he got sick. Unfortunately no-one is able to take over for him so I am alone.)

Caller: “I called before and I think I talked with you. I want somebody else to help me.”

Me: “Oh, are you [Caller]? What is happening now? Maybe I can help you.”

Caller: “I don’t think so. Just transfer me to somebody else.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot do it. I’m alone today.”

Caller: “I don’t want your excuses. Just transfer me.”

Me: “I would but there is no-one else.”

Caller: “I will just call back and I will get somebody else”

Me: “Good luck, sir. But for next ten hours it is me or no-one.”

Caller: *click*

(Surprisingly he didn’t call back on that night.)

Marketing, Market Thyself

, , , , , | Working | June 8, 2017

(I work internal tech support. A user from our marketing department calls in to ask why his emails to an external recipient keep bouncing. I take a look at the bounce-back message, and it indicates that the sender’s address was blocked by the end user.)

Me: “This isn’t really an error message; our system sent the e-mail successfully. However, the end recipient chose to block it as spam, which is why you’re getting these bounce-backs.”

Marketing: “Can you unblock our email address?”

Me: “No, because the block is on their end. It’s not in our system so we have no control over it.”

Marketing: “Why would they flag my email as spam? It’s not spam. It’s a legitimate marketing email blast.”

Me: “Apparently it looked enough like spam that they didn’t want to receive it any more.”

Marketing: “How do I make my emails so that they don’t look like spam and people want to read them?”

Me: “You’re the marketing department. You tell me.”

Time To Call The Plumber

, | | Right | June 8, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy technical support experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

Me: “Internet help-desk, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”

Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”

Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”

Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”

Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”

Me: *grimace*

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The Network Is Working

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2017

(A user calls because he isn’t able to login.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I checked your account and unfortunately your account was disabled. You will need to contact your manager, [Name], and ask him to send a re-enabling request.”

Caller: “Oh. Can’t you just reset my password? I really just need to check few things really quickly.”

Me: “That is not the problem. Your account is disabled. I cannot do anything. Your manager has to send the request.”

Caller: “But I just need this few things and I do not have the number.”

Me: “No problem; I may send email to your manager or call him if you want. I recognize his name; he does this all the time.”

Caller: “But I’m not in the company anymore. He wouldn’t do it.”

Me: “Oh. Do you see the message saying this system is only for employees?”

Caller: “So? I was an employee.”

Me: “But you aren’t anymore. I cannot let you in.”

Caller: “Can you find the information I need?”

Me: “Well… I’m not supposed to do it but okay. What do you need?”

Caller: “I need phone numbers and emails for everyone in [Department].”

Me: “I see. Sorry, I cannot provide this. But you know what? I will send email to your former manager and ask him. Maybe he will send it to you.”

Caller: “No, he wouldn’t. Just let me in for few minutes or I will make sure you will be fired.”

Me: “For doing my job? Okay, have fun with it.”

Caller: *click*

A Live Picture Of Bad Customer Service

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Working | May 30, 2017

(It’s early 2002, and I’ve had a digital camera for about two years (1Mpix) that I paid over $300 for. At one point, as soon as I put it in “picture” mode, it beeps for two seconds and shuts down. I can use it to look at pictures already taken, but can’t take any pictures. Being a techno-guy, I do the first basic tests: clean the memory card, put in fresh batteries, and so forth, to no avail. I go on the Internet and find an e-mail support address. I write in the details of the problem, including all the tests I’ve made, and emphasising that I’ve had that camera for two years and have taken close to 2000 pictures with it, so I kinda know my way around how to operate it, empty the memory card, and replace the batteries. About half an hour later, I receive an email:)

Tech Support: “Have you tried to put in fresh batteries? Is the memory card full?” *and so on*

Me: “Please, take the time to fully read the first e-mail before answering.”

Tech Support: *half an hour later* “Oh, this seems to be a more serious problem. Please call tech support at [number].”

(So I do. I explain the problem to the tech.)

Tech: “That’s impossible.”

(I put the camera next to the phone, press the button. The camera beeps for two seconds and you could hear the mechanism of the lens protector closing.)

Me: “You heard that?”

Tech: “Er… yes I heard that. Seems to be a very serious problem. You will probably have to replace it, but since it’s out of warranty, we have a fix repair price of $250, and you’ll get a refurbished one.”

Me: “Say what? It will cost me $250 to have a refurbished one? You do realize that this camera is two years old, and as of today, I can have a 2Mp camera with better zoom and features for $200?”

Tech: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s policy.”

Me: “Okay then. I’ll throw this one into the garbage can and will get myself a new one, and I’ll make sure it’s not [Brand].”

Tech: “Whatever you wish, sir. Have a nice day.”

(After buying a new camera, having nothing to lose, I try some “percussive maintenance” on it, slamming it on a table, gently at first, with no results, then up to as hard as I can, until it works! My girlfriend has a good laugh about it. I throw it in the bottom of a drawer and forget about it, until a year later when a relative is visiting us and wishes she could get herself one of those new digital cameras. I fetch it from the drawer, put in fresh batteries, and turn it on. It fails. I slam it on the counter, and it works again. I hand it to my relative.)

Me: “Here, take that one. You see how it works? If it beeps, slam it.”

(She looked at me with wide eyes, but with her sister (my girlfriend) acknowledging that it was true, took the camera, which worked like that for a year or so. The last time she slammed it, the colours went greenish and she bought a new one. Not that brand, however.)

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