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Technically, It Would Be The Japanese

, , , , | Right | October 5, 2021

I work in customer tech support.

Me: “Welcome to [Company] support. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve been hacked by the Chinese!”

Me: “I take it your computer is behaving strangely. Could you describe the problem?”

Customer: “I’m getting a message on my screen.”

Me: “Is it in Chinese?”

Customer: “No, it’s in [Local Language].”

Me: “Can you read it to me?”

Customer: “It says the Canon Deskjet program needs an update.”

Me: “Okay, did you at some point own a Canon Deskjet Printer?”

Customer: “Yes, six years ago.”

Me: “And when you got it, did you insert the CD and install the program?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And did you uninstall it when you got a new printer?”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to. I’ve had several printers since then! How did the Chinese know I used to have a Canon Deskjet?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Can you help me?”

Me: “Sir, you haven’t been hacked.”

I try to explain it to him, but he cuts me off.

Customer: “Well, if you won’t help me, I’ll have to find someone who will!”

Me: “All right, sir, have a good day.”

Thankfully, No One Here Has A Short Fuse

, , , | Right | October 5, 2021

Customer: “I bought a [sound system] from you and it’s just been delivered. I connected it all together and plugged it in and pushed the on-off button like it says in the instruction manual, and I must have broken it because it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Can you make sure you connected it correctly?”

Customer: “I followed what it says in the instruction manual. There are four things you have to plug in and they’re all different plugs and they only go in one way round so it’s difficult to get it wrong.

Me: *Laughing* “You’d be surprised!”

Customer: “Oh. Okay, then. I must have done it wrong, then. But I followed what it says in the manual and I can’t work out what I’ve done wrong.”

Me: “Okay, so tell me what happens. You plugged it in and switched it on and nothing happened?”

Customer: “Yeah. It says in the manual that the lights should light up and the screen should show something, but nothing happens.”

Me: “It might just be the fuse. Have you checked the fuse?”

Customer: “My wife says I’m not allowed to open it because it will invalidate the warranty, and she doesn’t want me to do that.”

Me: “Don’t worry about that. Can you check the fuse in the plug?”

Customer: “Hang on. Let me get a screwdriver so I can lever off the fuse cover.” *Tinkers about* “There’s one in there, so that’s all right. I don’t know how I can check it.”

Me: “Have you got another fuse you can put in? Take out the old one and put the new one in its place.”

Customer: “Hang on, I have one in my toolbox. Half a minute.” *Clatters about for a bit* “Got one, three amps, isn’t it. So, I took out the old one and put the new one in and…” *Rattles around a bit more* “I plugged it in and it came on automatically; I didn’t have to push the on-off button.”

Me: “So it’s all working now?”

Customer: “I think so. I’ve got to go through the instruction manual to find out what else I’ve got to do to set it up. My wife will be cross with me, though, because I broke the fuse.”

Me: *Laughs* “Just don’t tell her.”

Customer: “She’s watching me. She’s already cross. Thank you for your help, and sorry for breaking it.”

Me: “Not at all.”

Behind Every Wrong Customer Is A Long-Suffering Wife

, , | Right | September 28, 2021

I do tech service for a cable provider for TV, Internet, and phone. A customer calls in about his phone not working, but I can’t see any phone subscription in the account I got from his phone number.

Me: “I’m sorry, but are you sure you got a phone subscription with us? I only see TV and Internet on your account.”

Customer: “Of course I have a phone subscription with you. It’s always something with this line. Why do I even have it? The line doesn’t work more often than it does, and if it works, the line is bad.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I really can’t find anything about a phone line.”

Customer’s Wife: *In the background* “Honey, we’re with [Other Well-Known Phone Provider].”

Customer: “Oh, sorry.” *Hangs up*

At least he apologised for his mistake. If he hadn’t hung up, I’d have gladly hooked him up with our services.

It Sounds Like You Want Us To Be Responsible For Your Own Money, Too!

, , | Right | September 28, 2021

I work internal IT for a retail company. We generally have a decent amount of approved software for users to download to accommodate various job needs. There is the acknowledgment that sometimes a specific software/version/install is needed that isn’t included, so we have a way to get around that.

There’s a request form that the users can submit that asks for all the pertinent info — what is it, cost, how long would you need it, etc. — and then our security team checks that it’s okay, and then the asset department confirms whether or not it’s approved.

As a rule, we ask that people don’t just download software from outside our catalog, and we don’t really support anything that’s outside the catalog, but we can give our best effort; most of the time the only “support” that’s needed is for us to do the initial install with our admin rights.

User: “I just purchased [Software] and I want to add it to my email.”

I know what the software is, but I can’t remember seeing it in our catalog.

Me: “Did you submit a license request for it?”

User: “No, I bought a subscription.”

Me: “I don’t see that in our software catalog. Did you submit the software request and get it approved?”

User: “I bought it with my own money. And I’ve already added it to my Chrome.”

Me: “Um, okay, well, I don’t see [Software] in our catalog. Unfortunately, we can’t download or support anything that hasn’t been already approved. I would recommend that you submit [request] to have security and asset confirm it’s okay. I don’t think there’s a problem, but they do have a process in place because we want to make sure there won’t be any issues.”

User: “But I spent my money on this already. I just want to add it to my email.”

Me: “I understand that, but we don’t support non-approved software. I recommend that you submit [request] and make a note that you’ve already purchased the subscription. The software shouldn’t have any trouble, but security and asset really do need to take a look and confirm.”

User: “But I already purchased it.”

Me: “I do understand, but we can’t support non-approved software. Once they’re finished with the request, they can usually provide the steps to get anything extra that’s needed. Most of those programs do have a separate install that’s needed for email anyway. You still need to submit the request so security can vet the system and you can note that you’ve followed process.”

User: “But I purchased a subscription with my own money.”

Me: *Head-desk*

I finally convinced her to submit the form and just note that she’d already purchased a subscription and had the add-on in her browser. I couldn’t think of any reason that security wouldn’t allow the software; she just needed to wait for them to confirm.

By Asking Them To Push Buttons You’re Really Pushing Buttons

, , , , | Right | September 27, 2021

I work internal IT for a retail company. We have several stores, and a few of the stores do have restaurants and coffee bars included, as well. We’re phone support only, and while we do have a third-party company we use for onsite support, some stuff can be done by the users to help prevent the need for an onsite visit… if they’re willing to listen, which doesn’t always happen.

I get a call one day from a user at one of the restaurants saying their registers are having trouble. I reach out to the team that manages the back end of the registers and they ask for someone to reboot a server. The servers are labeled and everything, but there are only specific people who have access to the server room for security reasons.

I am talking to the user and one of the users who is authorized to get into the room.

Me: “Okay, the server is going to be labeled [Server]. There are three of them, but they’re all labeled.”

Authorized User: “Is someone from [Third-Party Support] going to come onsite?”

Me: “If needed, but if you can do this now, then you don’t have to wait.”

Authorized User: “I’m not going in there to push buttons and risk bringing everything down.”

Me: “All the servers are labeled. You just need to turn on [Server].”

Authorized User: “I understand, but in this store, I don’t push buttons without [Third-Party Support] say-so.”

Me: “We can try and get them out there, but this can be resolved without their involvement. You just need to turn on the server.”

Authorized User: “I will not be going into that room without [Third-Party Support].”

He apparently walks away at that point.

Other User: “So, he’s not going to go in. Can we get [Third-Party Support] to come out?”

Me: “Well, we can try and send a request, but it will be at least an hour before they can get there.”

Other User: “Oh. We open in less than an hour, though, so I don’t want to wait.”

Me: “If you can find [Authorized User #2], they should be able to get in. I’m not 100% on the exact layout because each room is slightly different, but it is labeled.”

Other User: “Yeah, thank you. Sorry he wasn’t willing to cooperate. I’m trying to locate [Authorized User #2], but it’ll take me a few minutes.”

Me: “No worries!”

It takes a few minutes and the user ends up in the sound closet by mistake, but we find [Authorized User #2] and they are able to get into the server room.

Authorized User #2: “Okay, I found the server!”

Me: “Awesome! Can you double-check if it feels hot to the touch before you turn it back on?”

Authorized User #2: “It’s a little warm, but not burning, and I just turned it back on.”

Me: “Thank you! One sec.”

I reach out to the team who asked for it to be rebooted and confirm they are seeing it come back up.

Me: “Okay, you guys should be good! They’re seeing the server come back up on the back end.”

Authorized User #2: “Great! Thank you for being patient with us!”

Other User: “Yes, thank you so much for waiting through that! Can I go check my registers really fast just to make sure they’re back up?”

Me: “Sure.”

The user gets back to his restaurant and verifies things are up.

Other User: “Thank you so much for sticking with me and getting these back up! So glad I didn’t have to wait for [Third-Party Support].”

Me: “No problem! Glad we were able to get this resolved for you!”

Other User: “Thank you so much! Have a great day!”

We ended the call and I wrote up and resolved my ticket for the issue. I found out later that someone at that specific store had pushed down a rule that the only people allowed in the server room were building services or [Third-Party Support].

Apparently, some people want to stick to that rule even if it means waiting an hour for a resolution. I do wish the first authorized user I talked to had actually said that was the reason, though, instead of just flat out refusing.