(I am a second year university student working the front counter of a popular pizza shop late one night.)

Customer: “I want a meat-lovers pizza but without the meat.”

Me: “Ma’am, that would just be a cheese pizza, which you can order for half the price.”

Customer: “No, I want a vegetarian meat-lovers pizza. Just take the meat off and leave all the veggies.”

Me: “There are no vegetables on this pizza. Perhaps I can interest you in our veggie-lovers pizza instead?”

Customer: “Are you dumb?” *speaking extremely slowly* “I… want… a… vegetarian… meat-lovers… pizza.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. One veggie meat-lovers.” *places order for veggie-lovers*

(The veggie pizza is given to the customer.)

Customer: “See, what was so hard about that? Maybe you should listen to your customers more. We obviously know the menu better than you dumb dropouts.”

(I work at a student-run bar as a bartender. We’re doing a hamburger sale, so I’m frying hamburgers in an adjacent room of the bar. A customer comes up to me while I’m plunging hamburgers in a deep-fryer and says:)

Customer: “Hi, are you the DJ?”

(I couldn’t even answer.)

(I work at a help desk for a hotel management software.)

Receptionist: “The software isn’t working.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Receptionist: “I’m trying to change the departure date, but it doesn’t let me do it.”

Me: “What date are you trying to set?”

Receptionist: “February 30.”

Me: “Try with February 28.”

Receptionist: “Oh, now it’s working. Why is there a problem with February 30?”

Me: “…”

(I drive a delivery truck. I hand over an international package to a residence, so it requires a signature. A lady comes to the door.)

Lady: *as she’s signing* “What exactly am I signing for?”

(I give a standard answer indicating I don’t know the contents of the package, but I verify that I am at the correct address, and that the person named on the package does indeed live there. She confirms that she is the person to whom it was addressed.)

Lady: “Who sent it to me?”

Me: *looking at the label* “Uh… Not sure, but it’s coming from China…” *spots a packing list and sees “contents: 1 dress”* “…and it seems to be a dress.”

Lady: “China? I ordered a dress from the Internet, not China!”

My high school is in a small northern city in Ontario. It’s a low-population area where gun violence is virtually unheard of.

Late one morning the school went into lock-down, after we’d had the yearly drill. It was a real lock-down! Everybody was excited and tense, wondering what caused it, and it lasted about half an hour. I didn’t find out the reason until the next day.

Somebody had called the school, saying they saw a person on school grounds walking towards the building with a rifle. The caller was a parent who spotted this would-be shooter, while dropping off their kid to the school late. They then left their kid in the building as they drove away to make the phone call.

The actual culprit? A drama student, with fake prop rifles.

He had two of them, and he was indeed carrying them into the school. They were for the upcoming Remembrance Day play, and were made of wood.