Another Case Of Wifitis

, , , , , , | Working | August 13, 2017

(We’re due to have a new member of staff; they passed the interviews all fine and we’re just making sure that their workspace will be set up a-ok. Keep in mind we’re an Internet software company. As part of this we ask if the employee has any special needs for their workplace; for instance I’m disabled due to arthritis so I require a special chair and keyboard set up. I got a phone call from the new employee about a day before she was due to start:)

New Starter: “Hey, yeah, just calling about my workplace set up. I do have a few requirements.”

Me: “Okay, no worries; do you want to go through them now or send them via email or post?”

New Starter: “Nah, phone is fine. I need an ergonomic keyboard and mouse because I have RSI.”

Me: “No problems at all; I’ve got a setup like that myself so we’ll get those installed for you.”

New Starter: “Right, and I’m deathly allergic to WiFi, so you’ll need to shut off anything wireless in the office.”

Me: “…pardon?”

New Starter: “Yes, I’ll die if I’m near a wifi signal. You need to shut down anything that works wireless.”

Me: *noticing at this point she’s calling me from a MOBILE PHONE* “Erm, that may pose a real problem as a lot of our systems and phones work on wireless.”

New Starter: “Tough. Disable it. Rewire it or whatever you have to do. I’ll die if I’m near anything wireless.”

Me: “Can I ask a question?”

New Starter: “Yes.”

Me: “How did you protect yourself against the signals when you came in for your interviews then? That meeting room actually houses two of the main wireless points for the office.”

New Starter: “I’m going to sue.” *hangs up*

(She DID in fact call a lawyer to claim we were refusing ‘disability accommodations’ who then called our corporate office to complain. We’d already sent the notes from my phone call up so they knew about her ‘issue.’ We never heard anything further aside from a single note from HR saying we’d withdrawn the job offer ‘on agreement with the interviewee.’)

A Sudden Surge In Enquiries

, , , , , | Right | June 22, 2017

(I am the technical support supervisor for a game company that was the first to allow multiple players to play games like Diablo. To use the service you have to download the executable, then run it; the server checks the executable to make sure it’s okay (to avoid viruses, etc.) and then you are taken online to match up with someone to play a game. We get a lot of trash talking from people who don’t know we have their home addresses, but this is about a very special customer unfamiliar with weather systems.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My download stopped and I don’t know how to restart it.”

Me: “Okay, that’s a very common issue.” *explains how to restart the download*

Customer: “Thanks!”

(The customer hangs up. Two minutes later:)

Me: “Hello—”

Customer: “I’m so glad it’s you! It stopped again.”

Me: “So you need me to tell you how to start it again?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I repeat my earlier instructions. We sign off. Five minutes later:)

Customer: “Hi, its me again!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I might ask, what keeps causing you to stop downloading?”

Customer: “The power keeps going out.”

Me: “You should really talk to your electric company; you could be getting surges on the line that are harmful to your computer or other electronic devices with the power flickering on and off.”

Customer: “Oh, the power company can’t help me. We’re in the middle of a severe tropical storm.”

Me: “You’re trying to download a game client in your house in the middle of a hurricane?”

(At this point my coworkers hear me, and all start laughing. Loudly.)

Customer: “Yes. Are people laughing at me?”

Me: “No, someone just said something funny.” *technically true* “Ma’am, you need to get off the phone and turn off your computer. You could be getting surges from the storm down your phone line or in your electrical system—”

Customer: “I’m fine! I have a surge protector. Oh. There go the lights again. Maybe I should write down how to restart the download?”

Me: “Ma’am. Get. Off. The. Phone. Turn off all your powered electronics. Huddle in the dark with a flashlight and read.”

Customer: “But I have a—”

Me: “Yes, surge protector. I know. Won’t help.”

Customer: “Can you please just give me the directions so when the lights come back on I can try again?”

Me: *trying hard not to sigh heavily* “Yes, ma’am.”

(I gave her the instructions, having to pause briefly because she couldn’t see well in the dark, and then finished and hung up the phone. My coworkers continued to repeat “In a hurricane?!” throughout the rest of the day.)

Signing Off On That Action

, , , | Working | June 2, 2017

(I work at a company that specializes in property management software, and I help answer calls and emails regarding issues specifically with the software.)

Customer: “Hey, I have a question for you.”

Me: “Okay, what’s going on?”

Customer: “The UPS guy is here right now in the office, and he brought in a bunch of sodas. Like, a bunch. Should I sign for them?”

Me: “Did you order the sodas?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Do you know if someone else did?”

Customer: “I’m not sure. He is waiting for me to sign for them. Should I?”

Me: “…sure.”

Customer: “Okay, great. Thank you.”

(I’ve talked to this manager before and I still think he has no idea that I am tech support for the software they use. Not sure who he thought he was calling.)

What The World Needs Now…

| VA, USA | Working | December 19, 2016

(I’m male and married, and I’m on the phone with a male customer whom I know well. He’s recently remarried, and told me about his wife and how very much he is in love with her. While on the call, I’m thinking about how nice that is and how happy I am for him.)

Customer: “Thanks, bye!”

Me: “Bye! Love ya!” *click*

(Then I realized what I said. I sat there for a few minutes, and then sheepishly called him back. The funniest part was, he was so used to hearing it from his wife that it didn’t even register! We had a good laugh over it.)

Microsoft Doesn’t Works

| Portland, OR, USA | Right | September 29, 2016

I work at a software company doing tech support for specialized software used by county mental health clinics to do their client and accounting tracking.

We have a client call us, asking for help installing MS Word. I explained that we didn’t support it, that they didn’t pay us to support it, and that she should call a PC support company.

She whined that she didn’t know any, and we should do it. We ended up sending one of our programmers, at $90 an hour (in 1992) to feed 30 diskettes into ONE machine whenever it asked for one.

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