What The World Needs Now…

| VA, USA | Working | December 19, 2016

(I’m male and married, and I’m on the phone with a male customer whom I know well. He’s recently remarried, and told me about his wife and how very much he is in love with her. While on the call, I’m thinking about how nice that is and how happy I am for him.)

Customer: “Thanks, bye!”

Me: “Bye! Love ya!” *click*

(Then I realized what I said. I sat there for a few minutes, and then sheepishly called him back. The funniest part was, he was so used to hearing it from his wife that it didn’t even register! We had a good laugh over it.)

Microsoft Doesn’t Works

| Portland, OR, USA | Right | September 29, 2016

I work at a software company doing tech support for specialized software used by county mental health clinics to do their client and accounting tracking.

We have a client call us, asking for help installing MS Word. I explained that we didn’t support it, that they didn’t pay us to support it, and that she should call a PC support company.

She whined that she didn’t know any, and we should do it. We ended up sending one of our programmers, at $90 an hour (in 1992) to feed 30 diskettes into ONE machine whenever it asked for one.

Enough To Give You A Fit

| Bath Spa, England, UK | Working | July 1, 2016

(Owing to a number of disabilities, including epilepsy, I’m not permitted to be in the office on my own in the early morning for health and safety reasons. When I’ve got systems to check or restart/fix early morning I arrange with another member of staff to be in at the same time as me. I’ve got admin rights to the systems; that guy doesn’t. We both get to go home early when this happens and we’ve done this for years. This morning I turn up and nobody else is in, so I wait in reception. And wait. It gets to 8:45 am, when I’d got in at 6 am, and finally someone shows up but not the staff member I’d arranged with; it’s our IT director. I mention about my coworker not showing up.)

IT Director: “Yeah, I heard about that and told him not to show up.”

Me: “Oh, did the system restart not need doing at 6:30 am today? Would have been nice to be told but these things happen, I guess.”

IT Director: “No, it needed doing… Does this mean you didn’t do it?”

Me: “Well, no, I couldn’t. I’m not allowed in the office on my own. That’s why [Coworker] comes in when I need to do this.”

IT Director: “Yeah, I heard about that. It’s a stupid rule.”

Me: “Under health and safety I’m not allowed in the building on my own. Stupid rule or not, that’s how things are.”

IT Director: “Why not? Because you’re a woman? So much for feminism.”

Me: “No, because I’m an epileptic.”

IT Director: “Well, that’s two faults against you, then. Not doing the restart and not telling us you’re a [very rude term for the mentally disabled]. I’ll be speaking to your boss.”

His Hate Engine Is Running Fine, However

| Bristol, England, UK | Right | June 13, 2016

(I work for a small software company that had previously been owned by a well-known breakdown cover provider.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve broken down; I need you to come and get me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this isn’t [Breakdown Cover Provider]; you have the wrong number.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I looked up the number on the Internet for the Bristol branch and it gave me this number. Don’t lie to me.”

Me: “This is a software company. We were previously owned by [Breakdown Cover Provider] but we haven’t been part of that company for a while.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have time for this; you have to sort it out. I’m stuck on the side of the road and I can’t look up the number from here.”

Me: “I thought you’d already looked up the number on your phone which is how you got this number.”

Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME! Give me the god-d*** number now!”

(I realise there is no point in arguing so I look up the number on my computer whilst he is screaming at me.)

Me: “Okay, sir, the number is [number]. I hope you get everything sorted. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Why couldn’t you just do that straight away instead of arguing with me? F*** YOU!” *hangs up*

Don’t Bank On A Search Engine

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | April 28, 2016

(I work at a software company where our main clients are American. Depending on your Google search our ad often pops up first and being the receptionist I end up with a lot of calls like this…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company].”

Caller: “Hi, I can’t get into my bank account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, this is a software company.”

Caller: “Huh? Google gave me this number to call and complain.”

(Realizing there is a good chance the caller is American I try another tactic.)

Me: “I do apologize, sir, but this is a software company located in Canada.”

Caller: “Well, then, why does your number show up as the person to call?!”

Me: “It depends on what you searched online.”

(After another minute of explaining he seems to get it.)

Caller: “Are you sure you aren’t the bank?”

Me: “Yes, sir, the company hasn’t magically changed in the past five minutes of talking to you.”

(I wish I could say this was a rare conversation but it happened almost every day.)

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