Unfiltered Story #194375

, , , | Unfiltered | May 16, 2020

I worked as manager for a company providing reporting help to Fortune 500 companies.

We had a client complain that a report was never completing, when it worked fine before. I had them sent me the code. After looking at it, we called them.

Me: About this report you are doing, it is impossible. The logic is flawed. It won’t give you good answers.

Them: But it did!

Me: You are just joining every record in one table to an unrelated table, you will get bad answers! Do you want us to re-write this for you?

Them: No!! We like this report!! Just make it work!

Me: Well, you may have to get your DBA to make system diagnosis reports and system changes so you can run it.

DBA: I don’t know how to.

Despite my policy of never logging into a customer’s computer, the founder of the company(!!) had to log in and try to make their computer effient enough to run this crazy report. I don’t think he ever did.

Unfiltered Story #137093

, , | Unfiltered | January 21, 2019

(I work for a software company. We provide document archiving services through internet and if/when customer ends the subscription they can order all the documents to be saved e.g. on a CD. This customer has done so. She calls a bit later to ask how she can search a certain document from the CD)

Customer: “I have this CD from you that has all my documents I once stored in your service. Now I need to find a certain document from here, how do I find it? There are so many documents here”
Me: “Well you need to go to your computer’s resources and use the search features your operating system has”
Customer: “But I need to find this certain document, how do I find it?”
Me: “You need to use your own computer’s search features for searching. You go to resources and type in the word you wish to search among the documents. Unfortunately I cannot give you more specific information on your computer’s search features because those can vary based on the operating system you are using and we don’t have training for that. You won’t have the search features of our service because the data is no longer on our server”
Customer: “… So…. How does my computer know what to search?”
Me: “You will choose on your resources the CD and the type in the word or words you wish to search”
Customer: “So… Do you mean that I have to put this CD into my computer first?”
Me: “…Yes, that is what I mean”
Customer: *very happily and cheerily* “Oh, good! I didn’t know where to put this CD. I was fearing that I would need some kind of special device to see the data on this CD!”

Unfiltered Story #137060

, , | Unfiltered | January 20, 2019

(I work as a customer support agent in a software company)

Customer: “I get an error message when I try to run this report”
Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Could you tell me which browser are you using?”
Customer: “I used to have Mozzarella, but now I have Firefox”

(When I connected to her computer remotely, I found out that she used IE)

Unfiltered Story #120175

, , , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2018

(I am manager of tech support for software used by Fortune 500 companies. We have one customer that complains our product does not show his bill of materials data correctly. After researching the issue, my Indian programmer asks for help convincing the guy he is wrong.)

Me: “This program was written assuming X value would be setup this way, XYZ.” *numbering logic*

Customer: No! Mine are setup THIS way (he just numbered things 1,2 3,etc.

Programmer in my ear:(that is NOT how you do a BOM!! And not how the manual says.

Me: Well, we could reprogram it, but it would be a very costly project and take a long time!

Customer: I have been doing BOM for 30 years! [click]

Programmer: One year 30 times over maybe!

The exact same thing happened with a General Ledger, the underlying basis of a company’s accounting system. We had a joke – don’t buy stock in those companies!

Don’t Want To LEAP To Conclusions, But…

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2017

(I work at a help desk for a hotel management software.)

Receptionist: “The software isn’t working.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Receptionist: “I’m trying to change the departure date, but it doesn’t let me do it.”

Me: “What date are you trying to set?”

Receptionist: “February 30.”

Me: “Try with February 28.”

Receptionist: “Oh, now it’s working. Why is there a problem with February 30?”

Me: “…”

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