(I’m a customer in this. I hear two people yelling across the store as I shop.)
Customer #1: “Hey! [Customer #2]!”
Customer #2: “Can’t you see I’m busy?!”
Customer #1: “Oh, sorry! So, what color did you want: blue, yellow, green, or black?!”
Customer #2: “Hmm… Give me red!”
(I’m looking for a new backpack. Because I tend to carry a lot of things with me, and my back’s been giving me problems, I’m specifically looking for a backpack with a waist or chest strap. I go to the store and pick up a backpack with a waist strap and check it out.)
Employee: *approaches me* “Are you looking for anything in particular?”
Me: “Oh, yeah. I’m looking for backpacks with waist straps like this one.” *shows her the backpack*
Employee: “Sorry, we don’t carry any like that.”
Me: *long pause* “So, you don’t carry any backpacks with waist straps like this?” *picks up the waist strap to show her better*
Employee: “That’s right.”
Me: *another long pause* “All righty, then.”
(I put the backpack back and left.)
(I see an ad inviting people to apply for a job in person, so I go.)
Clerk: “Hello… can I help you?”
Me: “Yes, can I have a job application?”
Clerk: *very blankly* “What?”
Me: “A job application?”
Clerk: *loooong pause* “Job application. Okay.”
(She hands me one, with a pen and instructions to fill it out. I thank her and go and sit down. I fill it out and approach the desk again.)
Me: “Hello?”
Clerk: *looks straight at me and leaves*
Me: “Um? Hello?”
(She ignored me, so I just put it down on the desk and left. Honestly, if they hired her, I won’t be too unhappy if they decide not to call me!)
(My brother and I are in the living room. My mother sometimes gets random gifts from her workplace, and my brother finds an air plant terrarium in a box. He’s reading the instructions on the care for an air plant.)
Brother: “Hey, [My Name], what’s an air plant?”
Me: “It’s a small plant that’s fairly easy to take care of, that even you have seen people have in their homes. Why?”
Brother: “Oh! Right, right.”
Me: “What did you think they were?”
Brother: “A plant that would be floating on air in the container.”
Me: “…”
(He’s 15 years old.)
(My boyfriend and I are in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. He has an old down pillow that he sleeps with. He grabs the pillow from behind his head and slaps it down over his legs.)
Me: “So, that’s why I keep finding feathers.”
Boyfriend: “No, it’s not.”
(He throws the pillow back up and then smacks it down on his legs again, except this time the pillow actually rips in half and spills feathers all over the bed. He lays there and stares at the mess, as I laugh so hard I almost cry. I run to the bathroom as he is stuffing the pillow and most of the feathers into the trash. When I return, he is walking out the front door.)
Me: “What are you doing?”
Boyfriend: “I just shook out the blanket off the porch, and now I have to find whatever it is I just flung across the yard that was in the blanket.”
Me: *still laughing* “I bet it was the TV remote. You better not have lost the batteries. We don’t have any more.”
(Sure enough, the remote is in the yard, and he manages to find the batteries in the grass. I start to laugh again as he hands them to me before he walks back inside.)
Me: “You’re not allowed to touch things.”
(I put the batteries back in the remote and set it back onto the bed before heading to the kitchen. I pass by the cat who is sitting on the edge of the couch as my boyfriend is walking towards us.)
Me: “[Cat], run! Don’t let him touch you!”
Boyfriend: “Ha. Ha.”
(A few seconds later, I hear a “thwack” sound followed by, “God d*** it.” I look back into the bedroom and my boyfriend is standing there with his hand over his face.)
Boyfriend: “Just… I just threw my phone on the bed.”
(I look over and see that his phone has managed to smack into the remote, causing the batteries to fly out of it and across the bed. I burst out laughing.)
Boyfriend: “I’m going to sleep!”
(I love the big goof.)
