(I am and have always been an avid and fast reader. I finish my in-class reading and pull out a “fun” book: a fantasy novel with a witch on a broomstick on the cover.)

Teacher: “Finish your assigned reading.”

Me: “I am finished.”

Teacher: “No, you’re not.”

Me: “I read the assignment, answered the questions, and turned them in to you.”

Teacher: *prowls up beside my desk and grabs my book* “You need to finish your work before reading fluff!”

(I hang onto the book with all my strength, and she is visibly surprised.)

Me: “I finished the reading and turned in my questions. And this is a library book; it is not yours to take!”

(The teacher keeps pulling, I keep hanging on, and she realizes that the whole class is watching her lose a tug-of-war with a 12-year-old over a book about witches.)

Teacher: “Fine!”

(She goes to her desk and grabs my turned-in paper. I watch over the top of my book as she gets visibly annoyed. At the end of class, she hands me my 100% correct paper.)

Teacher: “You still shouldn’t be reading fluff in science class!“

(I still read fluff!)

My teacher for Intro to Bioscience Technologies has scheduled a field trip to Genentech for his two classes in December, which my class is very excited about. But on the week of the field trip, the teacher finds out there’s only space for 40 students. He decides to let the other class period go, and reschedules mine.

Fast forward two months. The field trip is finally happening. The morning of, I wake up and look outside to see several inches of snow and ice. School ends up being cancelled, and the field trip is again rescheduled.

A month later, it’s March, and the teacher looks up the weather forecast. The weather has been perfectly pleasant for months, so we’re not really worried, even though there’s a chance of snow on Friday.

Friday morning, I wake up and see… snow. Lots of it. I check the school website, and it’s not cancelled. I live in a rural area at a high elevation, so I often get snow when most students don’t, so I have to miss school… again… on the third rescheduling of the field trip I was looking forward to. The class goes without me.

I think the universe really didn’t want me to have that field trip.

(One day, during my university English class, we get into a heated debate over the exact meaning of a specific word. As the discussion goes on, one classmate stops participating and starts typing on her laptop.)

Professor: “[Classmate], what are you doing?”

Classmate: “I’m looking the word up on Google.”

Professor: “Oh, of course. It’s not like I’m in the room or anything.”

(As an undergrad, I work for my university’s IT department as a lab tech. Each student at this university is given a unique account to log in to lab computers with. One of the computer labs I am monitoring has a beginner’s programming class in it, and the professor summons me to help a student who cannot access a necessary file.)

Professor: “I set up the drive through the network. Each student enrolled in the class should be able to access it. Everyone else can; I’m not sure why [Student] can’t.”

Me: “Can you walk me through how it is supposed to be accessed?”

([Professor] demonstrates on another student’s working account. I attempt the same steps on [Student]’s computer and find no file, nor even access to the drive. I go through multiple troubleshooting steps until finally…)

Me: *speaking quietly* “Hmm. There are some files here from [Different Professor], so I’m not sure why [Professor]’s files aren’t showing up. [Student], what class are you taking with [different Professor]?”

Student: “Oh, I’m not. But I think my roommate is. I don’t know which class, though.”

Me: “Why would your roommate’s class files be on your account?”

Student: “Oh, it isn’t mine. This is my roommate’s account.”

Me: *spotting the problem* “Ah. You have to use your own account to access files that have been granted to you through the network. Your roommate isn’t in this class, and so can’t be granted access to these files. You will need to log in to your account. And just as a warning, you really shouldn’t be using anyone’s account but your own.”

Student: “I can’t.”

Me: *thinking this is a “forgotten password” case* “Why can’t you log in? I can probably help.”

Student: “Uh, well… Mine got taken away.”

Me: “I see. How long ago?”

Student: “Well, it was in my first month of freshman year, so about two and a half years ago.” *looking guilty* “I was just downloading music, I swear!”

Me: *stunned* “You… you know you can get your account reactivated after 30 days, right?”

Student: “Oh, I know. I just didn’t think I needed to, since my roommate lets me use this one.”

Me: “For two and a half years? You know your roommate’s account can be taken away for this, right?”

Student: *eyes going wide* “No.”

Me: “Right. Okay. So, to get your account back, you’ll need to go to the IT Department in [Building] and ask for [Student Accounts Director].”

Student: “Okay. I’ll go just as soon as class is over.”

Professor: “No, you will go now. You cannot participate in class if you cannot access these files.”

Student: *leaves in a hurry*

(We are a medical research lab at a university. We have an undergraduate who has come into our lab to get a little bit of experience. We are euthanizing a rat in order to use its heart for experiments. We let her watch as we inject the rat with a euthanasia drug — the same stuff they use for dogs. As soon as the rat is unconscious, we open its chest, and extract the heart while the tissue is still alive. We finish with the process to extract the tissue and what-have-you.)

Research Assistant: “And that’s it. Now we have a whole dish of cardiac tissue!”

Undergrad: “Oh, that’s really cool. So, when is he going to wake up?”

Research Assistant: “I’m sorry. Who?”

Undergrad: “The rat. You put him to sleep. When is he going to wake up?”

Research Assistant: *long pause* “Um, I’m sorry. He’s not going to wake up.”

Undergrad: “What do you mean?”

Research Assistant: “We just removed his heart from his chest. He’s not going to wake up. He’s dead.”

Undergrad: “WHAT? YOU KILLED HIM?!”

Research Assistant: *sheepish* “I’m sorry. I thought you knew that was going to happen.”