(I’m sitting with my dad and my little sister in the living room, chatting.)

Sister: “So, there’s this dog, and it’s got no eyes.”

Dad: “Is it blind?”

(While out to eat, the topic of what foods are vegetables comes up. These are just some of the food items that we bring up.)

Brother: “Is watermelon a vegetable?”

Me: “No. Lettuce is a vegetable.”

Dad: “Really? Is lettuce a vegetable?”

Mom & Me: “Yes.”

Me: “What would you classify lettuce as?”

Dad: “Cow food.”

Brother: “Tomatoes?”

Mom: “Yes, well… it’s technically a fruit.”

Me: “It’s a fruit that identifies as a vegetable.”

Mom: “Like avocados. And cucumbers.”

Dad: “Avocados are fruit; they grow on trees. Like apples and oranges.”

Mom: “What about nuts?”

Brother: “Are nuts a vegetable?”

Me: “No, nuts are nuts.”

Brother: “Potatoes?”

Me: “They’re a root.”

Mom: “Like carrots.”

Me: “Or onions, though onions are more a spice thing. Like garlic.”

Mom: “Also a root.”

Me: “Parsnips?”

Mom: “Those are disgusting.”

(The movie “How To Train Your Dragon” has come out, and my sister is obsessed with Toothless, the dragon. She loves anything to do with the character, and I often pick her up any memorabilia I can find. One day, I find these awesome action figures of Toothless. I immediately grab them, and they end up being the only thing I’m buying. I get in line behind the dad and his young son, when the following occurs:)

Cashier: *finishes scanning their items, reaches over divider, and grabs the Toothless toy* “Do you want this is the bag or does he want to play with it?”

(I realize she is talking to the dad and his son.)

Dad: “Uh, that’s not mine.”

Me: “Sorry, that’s mine.”

(The cashier looks between us, confused. She apparently thought I was the boy’s mother, even though I’m only in my 20s and haven’t been standing close to them at all. I’m not bothered by it at all, but she starts apologizing profusely.)

Me: “It’s no big deal; it’s an honest mistake. Especially since these toys would’ve been perfect for that little boy.”

Cashier: “I know; I love How To Train Your Dragon! Are these for a little nephew?”

Me: “Yes. Yes they are.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell her they were for my 22-year-old sister.)

My mom goes out of town for a weekend for a nursing conference, leaving me at home to watch the house, animals, and my younger brother. I’m fairly confident in my ability to handle things… until I lock myself in the pantry by accident.

At first I keep calm, figuring that someone will be home soon to rescue me. Then I remember that Mom’s not due home for over twenty-four hours, my brother is spending the entire day at a Cub Scout activity, and there’s no way for me to call a neighbor from inside the pantry. And to make things worse, we have two young puppies that aren’t completely house-trained and will probably wreck the house while I’m stuck in here waiting for rescue.

Long story short… By the time my brother finishes his Scout activity and is dropped off by the Pack leader, I’m out of the pantry, but there’s a fist-sized hole in the pantry door. Mom takes it pretty well when I call her to tell her what happened. At least, she takes it well after she quits laughing. We never do get around to fixing the hole.

Upon hearing my explanation for the hole, my brother’s only response is, “It’s the pantry; at least you wouldn’t have starved to death.” Thanks, kid.

(My mom has a knack for dealing with people on phones and getting her way. Sometimes it’s a blessing and sometimes it’s a curse. I do aspire to be as knowledgeable and headstrong she is when dealing with issues, but I hate to admit that one of her methods is to use the annoyance of repetition. This happens when my sister is dealing with an issue with her university.)

Sister: “I finally found out why I couldn’t access my schedule for my program. Apparently, they didn’t receive my chemistry mark.”

Mom: “What? But you sent that in months ago.”

Sister: “I know, but it wasn’t on my file. They found it, though, and I should get my schedule Tuesday.”

Mom: “But I don’t understand; you sent that in months ago.”

Sister: “I know, but I guess it got lost. It’s all dealt with though; they found my chemistry mark.”

Mom: “But you sent your chemistry mark in months ago.”

Sister: “Yes, I did. Things can get lost, though. I’m glad they found it, but I am irked that they didn’t tell me what was wrong earlier.”

Mom: “But you sent your chemistry mark in months ago.”

Sister: “Mom, did you hear the part where I said they found it and that they’ll get my schedule to me as soon as they can?”

Mom: “Yeah.”

Sister: “So, you know that the issue is solved, right? I’ll get my schedule soon.”

Mom: “I just don’t understand.”

Sister: “Don’t understand what? Everything is sorted.”

Mom: “But you sent your chemistry mark in months ago; why didn’t they have it?”

(Cue face-palming from my sister.)