(I was working the phone side of customer service at a big tech retail store. This particular customer retains a straight tone of voice throughout the conversation, which lasts 15 minutes, but I’ll share the best part of it.)

Customer: “Do you have any dildos?”

Me: *taken aback* “Um, what?”

Customer: “Dildos. Do you have any in stock?”

Me: “I am certain that we do not.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of store are you, then?”

Me: “An electronics store.”

Customer: “Oh. So, you have the vibrating ones.”

(I am setting up a new fish tank and have bought a light from a store. When I try to set it up, I find that the light doesn’t work and there are actually scorch marks around the fluorescent starter. I return it to the store, I have just been given my money back, and I am walking away from the service desk.)

Cashier: “Hey, [Coworker], that fish tank light has been returned again.”

(I am speaking with my roommate who works at an art store, and used to work at [Popular Retail Chain], which shares a wall with the art store.)

Roommate: “So, we just evacuated [Art Store] because we smelled a gas leak.”

Me: “Did anyone tell [Popular Retail Chain]?”

Roommate: *long pause* “No.”

(I work on the middle floor of a fairly large department store.)

Customer: “You don’t have any windows on this floor do you?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t.”

Customer: “Well, then how do the staff get onto the floor to work?”

Me: “We use the stairs like you do.”

Customer: “Oh, right… Okay, then.”

(I am working in the gaming department. A couple and their young son of about six are looking for a game.)

Me: *to the kid* “What’s your favorite game?”

Kid: “Uh… I dunno.”

Me: “My favorite game is Pokémon.”

Kid: “No, it’s not!”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Kid: *defiantly* “Grown-ups can’t play video games.”