Both Are Fulfilling Their Calling

| Working | August 4, 2014

(We’ve been getting calls from a rather pushy collector regarding the boss’ daughter’s cell phone bill, to the point where we hang up on him the moment we recognize who it is. This time I answer the phone.)

Caller: “I called yesterday wanting to speak to [Boss’ Daughter] but the person who answered didn’t know what she was talking about. I demand to speak to her immediately.”

Me: “Sorry about that, but [Boss’ Daughter] is not in right now.”

Caller: *getting pushier* “At what time can I find her.”

Me: “Not sure. I think she is out of the city.”

Caller: *even pushier* “Then transfer me to someone who knows.”

Me: “I can transfer you to anyone else here, and they will all tell you the same thing. She is not in, and we don’t know if or when she will be back.”

(This same particular conversation goes on for a bit: he demanding I transfer him to someone else, or to speak with the boss’ daughter directly, and me refusing to transfer him as everyone else is tired of dealing with him at this point.)

Caller: *getting exasperated* “Can you at least transfer me whoever is in charge of the bills?”

Me: “Again, sorry, but she called in and won’t be in today.”

Caller: *threatening* “Well, I’ll just keep calling until you transfer me to [Boss’ Daughter].”

Me: *suddenly cheery* “That’s cool. One of my duties is answering the phone.”

Caller: “Yeah, well one of my duties is to keep calling, even if you guys keep hanging up on me.”

Me: “Cool, we both keep on calling and answering the phone which is what we get paid to do.”

Caller: “Don’t you have other things to do?”

Me: “Well, I can do both my regular work and answer the phone at the same time, so it’s a win-win for me.”

Caller: “Uh… well, let [Boss’ Daughter] know we called and that we are expecting her payment.”

Me: “Sure thing! I’ll let her know you guys called as soon as she gets in. Goodbye.”

(The caller hangs up for good.)

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A Sheet Understanding Of Languages

| Right | June 5, 2014

(An elderly customer comes in with a manila folder filled with paper.)

Me: “Hello! Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need copy of… How do you say?”

(It’s clear English isn’t his first language, so I get closer to listen.)

Me: “What was that?”

Customer: “Do you say…’piece of paper?’ or ‘sheet of paper?'”

Me: “You can use either of them. Both are okay.”

(The customer seems to understand, and hands me a sheet from the folder.)

Customer: “This. I need five pieces of sheet.”

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The Hair Apparent

| Right | May 31, 2014

(The manager calls me to the front of the store to deal with an angry customer: I had laminated her elementary school son’s photo collage. I should have realized something was up when I see the manager is smirking.)

Customer: “You laminated one of your hairs in my son’s collage!”

Me: “I really doubt it.”

(I point out I am wearing a hat.)

Customer: *now super angry* “Don’t contradict me. You have ruined this collage!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I really don’t think that long blond hair is mine.”

(I pull off my hat. I have a shaved head.)

Customer: “Well, then, someone else must have put it there. Like her!” *points to a coworker with blond hair*

Me: “Ma’am, I am the only person who has touched this order. This hair appears to be yours.”

Customer: “Well… you should have never laminated the hair in then!”

(I point to the order form where the customer has circled ‘as is’.)

Customer: “Aaargh!” *storms out*

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O, Canaduh, Part 4

| Working | December 13, 2013

(I work the front end of a printing shop. Our press operator comes strolling out on his way to the toilets, wiping his hands on a rag. Both are covered in ink and chemicals that I can smell from my desk across the room.)

Me: “Jeez, that’s some potent stuff.”

Press Operator: “Yeah. You know, it’s a d*** good thing we don’t live in Canada.”

Me: “What? Why’s that? Don’t like the cold?”

Press Operator: “Nope. Because that new cleaner that the owner bought me causes cancer in Canada, but I’ll be safe down here.”


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Filed Away In The Embarrassment Folder

| Right | November 28, 2013

(A customer brings in a USB drive from which to print a document. I plug it into the print center’s PC.)

Me: “Alrighty, ma’am, which file are we printing for you today?”

Customer: “I don’t see mine in here. Can you try opening the MISC folder to see if it’s in there?”

(I open the folder as requested.)

Customer: “It’s not in there! Oh, don’t tell me it didn’t download to my drive!”

Me: “Aw, that’s a bummer! Did you want to try looking in some of the other folders?”

Customer: “No! It wouldn’t be in any of those!”

Me: “Do you possibly have the file in your email, by any chance? If you could pull up the attachment on your phone, we could print it that way.”

(I unplug the drive and hand it back to the customer. Suddenly angry, she snatches it from my hand and storms off.)

Customer: “No! I’m going to go back home, save it again, and THEN I’m going to have it printed SOMEWHERE ELSE!”

Me: “What…?”

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