(A customer brings in a USB drive from which to print a document. I plug it into the print center’s PC.)

Me: “Alrighty, ma’am, which file are we printing for you today?”

Customer: “I don’t see mine in here. Can you try opening the MISC folder to see if it’s in there?”

(I open the folder as requested.)

Customer: “It’s not in there! Oh, don’t tell me it didn’t download to my drive!”

Me: “Aw, that’s a bummer! Did you want to try looking in some of the other folders?”

Customer: “No! It wouldn’t be in any of those!”

Me: “Do you possibly have the file in your email, by any chance? If you could pull up the attachment on your phone, we could print it that way.”

(I unplug the drive and hand it back to the customer. Suddenly angry, she snatches it from my hand and storms off.)

Customer: “No! I’m going to go back home, save it again, and THEN I’m going to have it printed SOMEWHERE ELSE!”

Me: “What…?”

(A customer comes in asking for a quote.)

Customer: “Hi, how much will it cost for 600 single-sided flyers?”

Me: “That’d be [price].”

Customer: “Okay, and how much for 600 single-sided flyers plus 100 double-sided ones?”

Me: “That’d be [higher price].”

Customer: “What?! How’d you come up with [higher price]?!”

Me: “You have more copies than [lower price], so it costs more.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand! I want 600 of these AND 100 of these!”

Me: “It’s still [higher price]. You’re adding more printing to your order. That’s going to make the price higher.”

Customer: “No! Never mind. I’ll come back later and ask someone else!”

(A middle-aged woman rushes in and hands me a sheet of paper.)

Customer: “Can you fax this page to [number] for me?”

Me: “No problem!”

Customer: “I’m just going to run next door for a coffee and be right back.”

Me: “Sure.”

(The customer returns after ten minutes.)

Customer: “You didn’t fax it yet?!”

Me: “Yes, I did actually. It went through fine.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! I can see my paper laying right there!”

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here. We print things.”

Caller: “But… but I Googled [Company] and I got you guys.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”

Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the Yellow Pages?”

Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”

(I am setting birthday invitations for a customer’s mother’s 90th birthday.)

Customer: “Well, it looks great, except for one thing…”

Me: “All right. Just tell me the problem and I can fix it.”

Customer: *pointing to the location and address on the invite* “Can we remove this? There’s too much information, it looks really cluttered.”

Me: “…you want to remove the location from the invitation?”

Customer: “Yes! It looks like too many words; I certainly wouldn’t read all that.” *points to RSVP information* “Actually, take that off, too.”

Me: “How are people going to know where to go, or how to let you know they’ll be there?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sure they can figure it out!”