(The Army National Guard Field Band is holding a concert in my town, and as some students from my school are playing with them, the band director says that he will get a bus for those who want to go and aren’t playing. I go, along with some of my friends. Throughout the concert, I make comments to the girl next to me about how the music is really good, and at one point, the audience is invited to sing along. After that part of the concert is intermission, and I stand up to go to the bathroom.)

Older Woman: *two rows behind me* “Excuse me, young man. How old are you?”

Me: “I’m seventeen.”

Older Woman: “Well, you don’t act like it. All of that talking that you do — you can’t sit still through anything, can you?”

Man Sitting Next To Me: “At his age, I wasn’t able to sit through anything, either. How about you grow up and stop trying to parent other people’s children?”

(If it wasn’t for that man, I probably would have lost my temper and yelled at her. She didn’t say anything else and walked off in the opposite direction. I thanked the man, and I learned that he was in the Marines. After the concert, I made sure to shake his hand and thank him for his service.)

(My coworker’s twelve-year-old son is a week away from having his first surgery; he’ll be having his enlarged adenoids removed so he can breathe through his nose. Even though it’s routine, my coworker and his wife are, unsurprisingly, very anxious about someone cutting open their kid. How does the patient feel? My coworker tells me they had the following conversation about it.)

Son: “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m not as nervous as I was before.”

Coworker: “Good for you! Yeah, there’s nothing to be nervous about. You’ll sleep through the whole thing, you’ll wake up, and we’ll go out for ice cream afterward.”

Son: “And I’ve been thinking of all the cool stories I can tell about how I got the scar!”

Coworker: “But, buddy, you won’t have a scar.”

Son: *shocked* “What?!”

Coworker: “Yeah, they’re just gonna stick something up your nose and pull ’em out. They don’t need to cut your face open or anything. You won’t have any scar at all.”

Son: *in the disappointed, whiny tone used for demanding an expensive toy or treat at the grocery store* “But Dad!”

(All things considered, I’d say that’s a very healthy attitude for a kid to have about surgery.)

(We have a 30-day return policy on all premium electronics. After that, you are out of luck. Normally, our store has an incredibly lenient return policy, so this is the only thing that affects returns and frankly, a lot of stores only have a 30-day return policy on anything so customers shouldn’t be too upset.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this; my daughter didn’t want it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but this is a part of the premium electronic 30-day return policy. It’s going on three months since you purchased this; I can’t return it. Sorry.”

Customer: “So, what, I’m screwed now?! She didn’t want it and you will return it now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our system will not even let us attempt to return it at all.”

Customer: “But it’s not even an electronic; there are no batteries.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it says right on the receipt it is a premium electronic. That is literally the description of it on your receipt.”

(I can sense a fight growing in her and call the manager while she keeps insisting it’s not electronic because there are no batteries. It’s a Fit-Bit accessory.)

Manager: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “She refuses to return this item.”

Me: “She purchased it in a couple of months ago, so there’s nothing I can do.”

Manager: “I’m sorry but this is part of our premium electronics section. There are signs in the department stating our policy and it says on the receipt, too.”

Customer: “Well, that is false advertising and I will be back. Expect a lawsuit; my friend’s a lawyer and I know my rights and this is illegal.”

(She stormed away and I kept telling everybody later how we were going to be sued. I’m guessing her friend certainly isn’t going to work for free as a favor and go up against a multi-million dollar company with the best lawyers money can buy because she waited three months to return something her daughter didn’t want.)

(I am working in the jewelry department when I notice that someone has placed jewelry all over the floor. I begin picking it up and putting it away when a woman storms up.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I had placed jewelry aside to show my daughter and now it’s gone.”

Me: “Do you mean the items left on the floor?”

Customer: “Yes, and now I don’t know where I got it all from.”

Me: “Ma’am, I put it away because it was a safety issue. If someone had tripped on it, they could’ve hit their head on one of our fixtures and seriously injured themselves. Worst case scenario, someone could’ve died because of your negligence. If you want something set aside, you can leave it on the counters or hand it to me.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(She left and came back later with her daughter to look again while shooting me dirty looks. I’d rather get dirty looks than have a lawsuit, thank you very much.)

(My boyfriend and I are standing at the new clouded leopard exhibit at our local zoo, which recently expanded and added several new animals. Next to the exhibit, there is a sign comparing the clouded leopard’s jaw and teeth to that of a sabertooth tiger, as they are strikingly similar. Sabertooth tigers have been extinct for about 10,000 years. While we’re standing there, a family of a mom, a dad, and a roughly fifteen-year-old daughter walk up to the exhibit.)

Mom: “Oh, what’s this one?”

Daughter: *glancing at sign* “It’s a, uh… sabertooth tiger.”

Mom & Dad: “Oh, wow!”

(They leave.)

Me & My Boyfriend: *stunned silence, wide-eyed disbelief*

(Then, a man who appeared to be in his forties walks up with a little girl, probably seven or eight.)

Man: “Look, honey! It’s a—“ *looks at sign* “—sabertooth tiger! How cool!”

(My boyfriend and I stood there for the next five minutes trying to rationalize what we had just witnessed. We then spent the rest of the day trying to imagine what kind of provisions a zoo would need to take in order to actually house a saber tooth tiger.)