(A couple approaches me holding clothes at the customer service desk.)

Me: “Can I help you with something?”

Wife: “Hi, we wanted to purchase these items but we left our credit card at home and the sales associate sent us back here.”

Me: “Well, if it’s our in-store credit card you can look it up actually at any register.”

Customer: “Okay, great. Do you need my license?”

Me: “Yes, I’ll need to verify your information but first I’m going to need you to type in your social security number at the pin pad.”

Customer: “Oh, no. That’s what they wanted up front, too. We don’t give out our social.”

Me: “Well, for us to look up your card we need your social first. Without it you can’t get any access to your account.”

Customer: “Well, that’s actually illegal for you to ask for our social.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but even to apply for a credit card here you would’ve had to type in your social.”

Customer: “No, we didn’t, and we are not giving out, and you need to stop asking since that’s against the law.”

(She keeps throwing that out and her husband is standing there looking incredibly smug for “knowing the law.”)

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s the first step when activating our credit card. I myself have several from different companies and every time I have had to give them my social. I can put these clothes on hold but if you want to use your card, then you need to bring it in since you refuse to have us look it up for you.”

Customer: “Are you sure there’s no other way?”

Me: “You could call the credit card company and have them give you your account number but they still require a social. No matter what you will have to give us your social.”

Customer: “We’ll be back tomorrow.”

(I’m not sure what’s worse, the people that refuse to give out their social security number or the ones that start saying it aloud when you ask and you have to frantically tell them to stop and they have to type it in.)

Related:
Social Insecurity, Part 6
Social Insecurity, Part 5
Social Insecurity, Part 4

(We have two types of coupons in our store, a certain number of dollars off and percent off. No matter how you do it, dollars-off coupons will always come off before percent off coupons. It scans this way no matter what order you put them in and it says on every coupon. A woman comes up to my customer service desk.)

Customer: “Excuse me, why didn’t I get 30% off my total?”

Me: “Well, your total was $0. You had a dollars-off coupon that came off first and so you didn’t owe anything.”

Customer: “But I wanted to use my 30%.”

Me: “Well, the system won’t let you. 30% off zero is still zero.”

Customer: “No, re-ring the order and don’t use the dollars-off coupon so I can use my thirty percent.”

(I do this even though it makes no sense since she is literally now paying money instead of owing nothing.)

Me: “Okay, your total today is $15.00.”

Customer: “Much better.”

(Still not sure how spending $15 is better than spending nothing.)

(I am waiting for the groomers at a local pet store to get my dog’s nails done. At the store when a pet pees or poops while on the floor, it is stated that it is the owner’s responsibility to clean up after the dog. While I’m waiting, a woman approaches.)

Woman: “Excuse me, but your dog is so cute! Can I pet her?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. She tends to get overexcited when meeting new people, and then she might pee, and I don’t want to clean up after her right now.”

Woman: “Oh, nonsense; that’s what the employees are for.”

(Before I could say anything else, she pet my dog, causing her to pee. The woman then left and I had to clean up after her. I had to leave to go to the cleanup station, and while doing that, a line formed — previously no one else had been there — causing me to lose my spot as next in line. Thanks, lady.)

(At our store, the policy is that when you do a return without a receipt, it gives you the lowest two-week sale price, because often everything’s on sale, and we almost always have some sort of coupon. It’s after Christmas when our returns are constant.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this toy, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Was anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “No, he just didn’t need any more toys.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Did they give you a receipt?”

Customer: “No, but I’d still like to return it.”

Me: “Without a receipt, you would get back $37 on a merchandise credit.”

Customer: “No. My husband was just in here the other day, and it was full price for $45.”

Me: “Without a receipt, it would be the two-week lowest sale price. If this was bought for Christmas, most likely the person bought it on sale; plus, we had a coupon at that time, and most of our toys are usually about 50% off, so you are getting back a fair amount.”

Customer: “How do I know that they didn’t use a coupon or pay full price?”

Me: “You would have to ask them for the gift receipt or their actual receipt to get what they paid.”

Customer: “But that’s so tacky and rude. I’ll take the credit, but I’m not happy about it. I know you’re cheating me, and I’m contacting corporate.”

(Chances are, she wasn’t even going to get her kid anything with the credit, anyway, and would have bought stuff for herself. And what’s more tacky and rude is harassing an employee who has no control over the store policies.)

Related:
The Gift Receipt That Keeps On Giving

(A commercial for Outlander comes on while my husband is watching football. Having enjoyed the story and historical fiction in general, I get distracted and, consequently, stop what I am saying mid-sentence.)

Husband: “I guess I need to get a shirt like that?”