This Heavy Task Falls To You

, , , , , | Working | June 5, 2017

(My mother is going to the store, and decides to use the automated self-checkout. As a security precaution, the computer asks you to place each item on the belt after being scanned so it can weigh it and make sure it’s the right item. Everything is going normally until my mom tries to scan a certain item:)

Machine: “Place your helium balloon on the belt.”


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No Sense, No Sensitivity, No Service

, , , , , , | Right | September 11, 2012

(I am checking out an older gay couple holding hands, who has been very pleasant, when the customer behind them speaks up.)

Me: “How are you guys doing today?”

Customer #1: “Oh, just great.”

Customer #2: “Hey! Lady!”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer #2: “You’re allowed to refuse to serve people, aren’t you?”

Me: “Um, yes, I can make them go to another line if they cause problems.”

Customer #2: “Well, why are you ringing out these homos?! Kick them out of your line!”

Me: “Um, sir, these men haven’t been causing problems.”

Customer #2: “They’re f***ing f****ts! I can’t believe you’re helping them!” *to the couple* “Get the h*** out of here! She’s refusing to serve you!”

Customer #1: “We’re not doing anything!”

Me: “Please, sir, I have no problem. They’ve been very nice to me. I’m almost done checking them out, anyway.”

Customer #2: “No! No, no, no! I demand that you refuse them service!”

(By now, I’ve finished with the couple’s grocery order.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer #2: “What?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re causing a disturbance. I’m going to have to refuse you service. Please move to another line.”

(He threw a fit and complained to my manager, but the gay couple spoke up in my defense and [Customer #2] was banned from the store.)

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Romance Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Asleep

, , , , , | Right | April 13, 2011

(A patient is signing consents. They will receive conscious sedation before a small, outpatient surgery.)

Patient: “So, when I get upstairs, they’re going to seduce me?”

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Me, Myself, And Iced Tea

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2011

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Restaurant]!”

Wife: “Hello. We’ll take two buffets, please.”

Me: “Alright, would you like drinks?”

Wife: “I would.”

Me: “And you, sir?”

Husband: *gives me an odd look, nods slightly, and then looks at his wife*

Wife: *to her husband* “What’s that look for?”

Husband: *completely serious* “I don’t like it when people talk to me. I can’t hear the voices…”

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Misunderstanding ‘Friendly Service’

, , , , , | Right | December 29, 2010

Me: “Okay, your total will be [total].”

Customer: *pays with card*

Me: “May I see ID, please? Your card is not signed.”

Customer: “No! That’s an invasion of privacy. I don’t want you to know my name and try to find me online.”

Me: “It’s company policy. I’m on camera, and your name is on here anyway.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager.”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “Fine! I don’t want any random friend requests!”

Me: “I’ll fight the urge, I promise.”

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