It’s a few months into the lockdown and we are currently only doing curbside and, as dog grooming is not currently allowed in our state, we cannot allow people to use our dog bathing stations. Our stations are private rooms with a stainless-steel tub plumbed into our on-demand hot water, definitely not designed to be moved around. I get a phone call from a woman wanting to bathe her dog.
Customer: “I want to bathe my dog and cannot get in anywhere!”
Me: “Sorry, but all grooming is closed down in the state, and that includes our self-serve wash stations. Unfortunately, we have to wait until restrictions are lifted.”
Customer: “That’s so stupid! I need to wash my dog. Just drag the tub outside so I can use it.”
Working in a grooming salon, we tend to get some strange requests. One day, my coworker comes to the back and says she has just been talking to a “crazy” man in the lobby.
An older man came into the lobby and stood for a few minutes before talking to my coworker
Man: “My kids brought me a pet and I want to get it a bath.”
Coworker: “Certainly, do you have a dog or cat?”
Man: “It’s about this big by this big.”
He held his hands about two feet apart and then indicated about a foot and a half high.
Coworker: “All right, sir, what breed of dog is it?”
Man: “It’s a turkey.”
Coworker: “Oh, um, sorry, sir, we don’t do baths on turkeys.”
Man: “How about raccoons?”
I joked with her that he was a little confused; prank calls work better over the phone.
I work for a vet and pet groomers. It is near the beginning of the global health crisis and a lot of non-essential businesses are shut down, such as hair salons. However, our veterinary practice is still open, and as a result, we are able to take bookings for basic cleaning for most domestic pets.
A middle-aged woman comes in with the look that you know she’s going to be trouble. She is wearing oversized sunglasses, she’s carrying an angry-looking Pomeranian in a designer bag, and she has THAT hairstyle.
Customer: “Your grooming salon is still open?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. We can do basic bathing and shampoo duties. For your little—”
Customer: “How much will you charge me?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. I was about to say, for Toy Dog breeds, we charge—”
Customer: “No! Not the dog. Me. How much will you charge for me?”
Me: “I’m not sure I understand.”
She just stares at me for a moment, and even though her sunglasses are obscuring her eyes, I know she is looking me up and down. Then, she puts her bag down and bends over slightly, showing me her scalp.
Customer: “My roots are beginning to show. I need you to put my color back in.”
Me: “You want me to redo your highlights?”
Customer: “Yes! Finally, you understand. How much? Can we do it now? I’m on a schedule.”
Me: “Ma’am, I can bathe and shampoo your dog, and your dog only! I can’t do humans, and I certainly can’t do coloring! We don’t even do that to the dogs!”
Customer: “But the salons have been closed for weeks! I’m desperate! I can’t go out in public like this!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. You’ll just have to manage on your own for a while.”
Customer: “Not even a shampoo or conditioning?”
Me: “No, ma’am. Dogs only.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous!”
She tuts, takes the dog out of her bag, and begins to stomp off.
Me: “Ma’am! Your Pomeranian!”
Customer: “Oh, that thing isn’t mine; I just used it to get in here. I found it tied to the post outside the store across the street.”
And with that, she was gone. In a moment of shock, I locked eyes with the little fluff ball, who was just sitting there staring at me nonchalantly. Then, I realized that its leash seemed to have been cut off from the end, almost as if an entitled woman had cut it from a post with a pair of scissors…
Thankfully, I was able to make a mad dash to the convenience store across the street and inform a panicking woman who had lost her little dog that I was about to make her day.
This story is part of our Best Of December 2020 roundup!
I run a dog grooming business. A man walks in with his dog, who is coated in something brown. I pray it’s just mud but as he gets closer, I can smell that it’s not.
Me: *Trying not to gag* “Hello, sir.”
Man: “Rodger needs a bath.”
Me: “I see.”
Man: “He rolled in s***.”
Me: “Yes, I see.”
Man: “You can get him clean?”
Me: “I can do that.”
He hands me Rodger’s leash, which is thankfully clean, and walks away. An hour later, the man returns and collects his dog. He thanks me, pays, and leaves.
The next day, I arrive to find a voicemail from Rodger’s owner. He demands his money back. I call him to find out what happened.
Man: “Yes?”
Me: “Hello. This is [My Name] from [Groomer]. You were unhappy with Rodger’s bath?”
Man: “Yes! He’s covered in s***!”
Me: *Confused* “He is?”
Man: “Yes!”
Me: “I don’t understand. He was clean when he left me.”
Man: “And he went and rolled in s*** again! I want my money back!”
Me: “Um… No, I’m not refunding you because you allowed your dog to get dirty again.”
Man: “Yes, you will! He’s dirty!”
Me: “Then maybe you shouldn’t leave him unattended.”
Man: “I want my money back!”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir, but I did bathe your dog and you were happy with it when you left. So I will not be refunding you.”
Man: “I’m calling the police!” *Hangs up*
I never heard from the police, nor that man, again.
I work in a grooming salon. Due to the new guidelines our corporation put into place because of a certain national health crisis, we are very limited in our availability for appointments. We can only take four appointments each per day, which begin to book up quickly, and soon we are looking at a one-month wait period.
This conversation goes on at least four times a day:
Customer: “Hello. So you have any appointments for this afternoon?”
Me: “My apologies; we are actually booked for the next month so we cannot take any more appointments at this time.”
Customer:*Immediately enraged* “HOW CAN YOU BE COMPLETELY BOOKED UP ALREADY?! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR TWO MONTHS TO GET MY DOG BACK THERE BUT Y’ALL WERE CLOSED! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”
Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we have had an influx of people calling for the exact same reason. We would love to help you but we simply cannot.”
Customer: “I WILL BE COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU!”
Me:*Sickly sweet* “Feel free to leave a comment with corporate, but they have assured us that all complaints will be postponed until after the quarantine is over.”
Customer:*Suddenly calm* “You really have nothing? At all?”
Me: “Nope! Now, would you like to be put on the waitlist or shall I simply wish you a good day?”
Customer: “…”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Yes, please, my name is [Customer]…”
Sorry, y’all, but yelling will literally get you nowhere with us. We are doing our best and I don’t work faster when you yell louder.
