Flea, You Fools!

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2019

(I’m alone in the shop one day when one of the manager’s regular clients comes in and literally throws her chihuahua at me over the desk.)

Customer: “BOBBY HAS FLEAS!”

Me: “Bobby always has fleas, ma’am. You need to have your house treated.”


Me: “He’s just going to get fleas again when you bring him home.”


Me: “They can still get on him when he has the treatment. They’ll just die when they bite him; it doesn’t magically make the fleas disappear from your house.”


Me: *sighing* “You have to fill out the paperwork, ma’am.”

(This was a regular occurrence. I just feel bad for Bobby.)

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Unfiltered Story #162090

, , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2019

Note: While I’m a mobile groomer I rarely meet people (usually going to their homes) but one client moved and still wanted to use us. So a week earlier she makes an appointment to meet at a big box store parking lot. I get there early and is sitting in the front of the van on my phone.

Her:(pulling up next to me and waving) Hi

Me: (I get up and go through the back, leaving the large sliding door open) Hi there.

Her: We have an appointment today right?

Me: (thinking: you just drove 30 mins didn’t you and found me here) Yes we do

Her: Oh I thought it was 30 mins from now, do you have someone you are working on.

Me: (I look back at the empty interior) Ummm no, I had you down for this time and here you are, why don’t we get started.

Her: Ok! (after handing me the terrier) So like an hour should I be back?

Me: It’ll be at least a hour and fifteen.

Her: So an hour then.

Me: I’m pretty sure at least a hour and fifteen minutes, but if it’s less time I’ll call.

Her: No I’ll just me back by the hour and stay outside.

She leaves and doesn’t come back until a hour and ten minutes; and after partially handstripping, bathing, drying, haircut and scissoring, I am done at a hour and fifteen minutes.


, , , , , | Friendly | August 31, 2019

(I am in the waiting room at a local dog groomer. A lady walks in and her eyes light up.)

Lady: Oh, wowww! Your dog is huge! What kind of dog is he?!”

Me: She is a Great Dane.”

Lady: “Oh! Is that like the dog on the Greyhound buses?”

Me: “No, that would be a greyhound.”

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Burn A Hole In Your Wallet, Not Your Dog  

, , , , | Right | August 7, 2019

(I work in a dog grooming salon where the prices for haircuts are based on the breed of dog. A woman enters while I am standing at the computer.)

Me: “Hi there! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I’ve never been here before, but I have two Lhasa Apsos who need grooming and I was wondering what you would charge.”

Me: “Sure! Just let me check that price for you.”

(I open up our breed list and start looking up the price.)

Customer: “Yeah, I used to take them to this other groomer, but three times now they’ve injured my male dog. Twice they cut his scrotum, and another time they burned it with the clippers!”

(For reference, electric clippers heat up if used for too long without changing the blade.)

Me: “Oh, no! I’m sorry to hear that. That should never happen at all, let alone three different times!”

Customer: “I know. I wasn’t very happy with their service.”

Me: “Well, I can’t say I blame you. I’ve found the price here for you. So, for our full groom package, which includes the bath, blow dry, brush out, ear cleaning, nail trimming, and the full-body haircut, it would be $62 before tax.”

Customer: “Wow! Really? That’s pretty pricey! The last place used to do it for $35. Why so expensive?”

(It was incredibly difficult to resist asking her how many more times they would have to injure her dog’s scrotum — or any other body part! — before she would start to understand why their prices were so cheap! She didn’t book an appointment.)

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Unfiltered Story #154765

, , | Unfiltered | June 16, 2019

In our particular salon, there is a price for puppies under 5 months to have a basic “clean up” trim. It’s just the visor, the feet, and shaving the potty area. If the puppy requires an all over trim, or is over 6 months, the price goes up considerably. The reason for the lower price is that we’re trying to encourage owners to bring the puppy in frequently, to get used to being in the grooming environment, and to the processes and noises that go into the groom, plus being held and sitting still while scissors are near their eyes. The difference in price between the “puppy trim” and the full adult price is really steep, however, and more than one owner has been floored by the difference. Our prices are really competitive, however, and the groomers in my salon are often head-hunted by other salons because our quality is really outstanding, so even if a person has gone elsewhere, they usually end up back with us. On this day, a man comes in with a Shih-Tzu, who will be my client.

Me: Hi! Is this (dog)?

Him: Yes. Now listen: we just want a puppy cut.

“Puppy cut” is a term that only applies to poodles, where a poodle is trimmed all over, with a clean face and clean feet. It has no other purpose, and yet customers often use this term to refer to just about any haircut you can imagine, from a complete shave-down to a drop coat trim.

Me: Puppy cut means different things to different people. Why don’t we just go over what you want me to do. Are you wanting me to take any length off of your dog’s coat?

The dog has actually a really well maintained drop coat, but those are really time consuming, so I would never assume that a customer wants to continue with a long coated dog.

Him: NO! No, I just want a puppy cut! Like you did last time!

I look into his history on the computer.

Me: Okay, last time, you had a puppy trim, which is just the face, or visor area, rounding the feet, and shaving the potty area. I will brush his coat out as well, and of course he’ll have a nice bath and nail trimming and ear cleaning too.

Him: Yes, and that’s $16.00.

Me: For dogs under five months, yes. Your dog is now seven months. Your price will be $36.00.

Him: No, it won’t. $16.00 is a fair price.

$16.00 is actually really, really low, considering that we work on commission. The time it takes to complete a puppy is usually longer than a full grown dog who has been doing this for several years because the puppy gets upset, is frightened, and generally doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s the whole reason we encourage people to come in often.

Me: I don’t have any other option. Your dog is over the age limit, and the puppy price is not available to me.

Him: Fine! He’s under 6 months then!

Me: Your file says he was born on (date seven months ago). Is this not correct?

Him: You people are unbelievable! I can’t believe this!

Me: Sorry.

Him: I tried to come in last month, but you all kept saying  you didn’t have any openings! And now you’re trying to gouge me with this price? Because you wouldn’t take me last month?

We do book up quickly, but as long as customers don’t want same-day appointments, we can usually accommodate a dog within a few days of the customer calling. We do have customers, though, like this man, who think our work isn’t hard, and that there can be no reason why they can’t have a same-day appointment. Because I’m used to this, I don’t say anything, because I know anything I say will only make him more angry. I also don’t point out that if he had managed to make it in last month, he still would have paid the full price as the dog would have been six months.  At this point I just want him to leave, even though the puppy actually seems really cute and sweet.

He seems to realize that his yelling at me is getting him nowhere, so he tries one last dig.

Him: This is outrageous! I can’t believe you people! I sure hope I can complain about you on the internet!

I call out to him as he leaves: Have a nice day!

When my boss came back, I told her what happened on the off chance that he might try to call and complain. Thankfully, one of my coworkers was in the salon with me, and vouches for everything I say.

My Boss: Seriously? I booked this appointment for him last night, and we had almost the same conversation! I told him he had to pay the full price because the dog is now fully grown! He knew he’d have to pay that much!

The best part was that he didn’t hurt my business at all that day. There were people on the waiting list who wanted to come in, and they ended up being awesome folks who now come in a lot.