(Despite having a large lighting showroom, because of the high volume of products we carry, we often encourage customers to browse our many catalogues.)

Me: “Well, it seems like we don’t have what you need here in stock. I know that several manufacturers we carry do make a version of that item, though. Would you like to take a look through some of their catalogues and see if we can order something for you? It would take a couple of weeks, but then you’d get the exact look you want.”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(The customer proceeds to sit for over an hour, flipping through our binders. I run back and forth the entire time, getting new binders, putting away old ones, and pricing out dozens of fixtures she finds interesting. Finally…)

Customer: “I really like this one. I think it’s perfect. Can I see it in person now?”

Me: “Unfortunately, that particular item will have to be ordered from the manufacturer. The only way we can take a look at it now is in the catalogue.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! If you have it in your book, you should have it here!”

Me: “Well, by looking through the books, you’ve seen that there are tens of thousands of lights available. We’d have to have a warehouse as big as Raiders of the Lost Ark to hold them all!”

Customer: “This is stupid. I’ll never shop here again! What a waste of time!” *storms out of the store*

Me: “I agree.”

(I work in an office where we have display items for our products, answer any questions, and schedule in-home appointments. A customer comes into the room and asks me for a quote on an item that I cannot provide, as each item is custom-manufactured — each customer’s home is different — and therefore, pricing varies. The woman is upset and makes a remark as she leaves.)

Woman: “A little hint, since you don’t seem to know much: your plants are dying, so you may want to water them!”

(She then dumps the water out of her water bottle into the plant pot.)

Me: “Well, I apologize for not knowing much about your pricing as it is fairly complex; however, I do know my plants are not dying and that, my friend, is a fake plant.”

Woman: “Oh… make yourself useful and clean that up.”

(She then proceeded to walk out and I laughed bitterly.)

This story is part of our Houseplant roundup!

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We have a “new” guy at my hotel. He’s been here for a few months now, but doesn’t seem to want to learn the job. He still can’t do half the job on his own. He makes stupid mistakes all the time, like putting pets into non-pet-friendly rooms, or giving out corporate rates to individual employees when those rates are exclusive to bookings made by corporate, etc. He calls and texts me and one of my other coworkers all through his shift, because our manager is out on medical leave. We’ve even given him extra days of training and he’s still terrible and slow.

I’m not salaried; I’m hourly and at the same level he is. As I said, it’s been months. I’ve answered every text and phone call and I’ve even come in multiple times during my off time when I was out with my wife and kids to help him, as have two of my other coworkers, all without clocking in.

One day, my oldest is sick and I’m trying to find someone to cover my shift so I don’t have to drive a vomiting and feverish two-year-old to her grandparents. I call our acting manager and [New Guy] is the only one available. I have my coworker call him, I call him, we text. No response. Supposedly, he’s in class all morning, so I expect a delay, but still, a response when he gets a break.

Finally, ten minutes before my shift starts, once I’ve already dropped my daughter off and am at work getting ready to punch in he responds, “Sorry, just getting up. I have plans for tonight.” That is when I decide I am never responding to one of his texts again unless it is a legitimate emergency and the manager or my coworker — acting manager, but also hourly and with no real power — is out of town. Not my job, not my problem. I go above and beyond to help you and you can’t even respond to a text in a timely manner? Screw you.

Customer: “I want to return this item. The guy who sold it to me said I could return it if I didn’t end up needing it.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Unfortunately, without a receipt, I can only give you store credit for the lowest price it’s ever been sold at.”

Customer: “No, that’s ridiculous. The guy said I could return it!”

Me: “Did we email you the receipt, maybe?”

Customer: “NO! You have to return this; you can look it up with my debit card!”

(In the past, we could look up all debit and credit transactions with the number from a card, going back one year. Since getting new debit/credit machines, we can no longer do that. I can, however, look up receipt information in our inventory system, so I try to do that. I ask him what date he purchased it, and I find two transactions from that date: one paid with cash and one paid on debit. However, it does not show me the last four digits of the card, so I can’t be sure it’s his card.)

Me: “Did you purchase anything else with it?”

Customer: “Yes, I purchased [item] with it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the only receipt I can find on a debit card doesn’t have anything else purchased with it.”

Customer: “But it says it was on my debit card so it’s proof that I bought it!”

Me: “No, it’s proof that someone bought it, not you.”

Customer: “But it says it’s my debit card!”

Me: “No, it says it was bought on a debit card. I can give you the full amount back if you like, but I have to put it on store credit.”

Customer: “No way. I can’t believe you’re not returning it!”

Me: “I just said I would, for the full amount, even though we don’t know if this is your receipt. But I can’t put it back on your card because I don’t even know what card was used, or if this was yours.”

Customer: “The guys said I could return it!”

Me: “You can, but if you want to return it to your card, you need a receipt.”

Customer: “He never said anything about my receipt!”

Me: “Well, everyone generally needs a receipt to return something. But I can return it for you, just not to your debit card.”

Customer: “No, that guy will remember me; he said I could return it!”

Me: “You certainly can return it. But without a proper receipt, I can only give you store credit.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll just come back another day when someone else is working!”

(He then went and yelled at my manager about me, who ended up returning it to his card. BUT he did tell the customer that this was a one-time thing and that I was correct in saying we had to give him store credit. I like that he at least told the customer I wasn’t wrong, so I didn’t look or feel like an idiot.)

(My town has just gotten a [Pizza Chain]. When they first open, they send drivers around to all the hotels with menus and tell us that they have a promotion for the hotels. Every time they do a delivery, the driver will give us a sticker, and if we get ten stickers, the staff gets a free pizza. Fast forward a few weeks; we have enough stickers for a free pizza. I call in and ask about the promotion.)

Employee #1: “Yeah, so it’s a large four-topping pizza delivered to you.”

Me: “Really?! That’s awesome!”

(I order the pizza and it’s delivered free of charge, no problem. We’re all excited, thinking this is a great deal for us. Another month or two goes by, and we have enough stickers for a pizza again. I call in and ask about the free pizza.)

Employee #2: “I’m not sure; let me check and see if we are still running that promotion.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

Employee #2: *puts me on hold, then comes back* ‘Yeah, we are still doing that.”

Me: “Great, so last time we got a large four-topping pizza. So, we’ll get a large again with bacon, ground beef, peppers, and onions.”

Employee #2: “Okay, that will come to [total].”

Me: “Um, no, we have the stickers; it’s supposed to be free.”

Employee #2: “Oh, okay. It will be there in thirty-five minutes.”

Me: “Great!”

(Five minutes later my phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name].”

Employee #2: “Hi, I’m calling because my manager said the deal for hotels is actually a one-topping medium pizza.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Umm… let me check what the housekeepers want on it, then.” *turns to ask housekeeping what they want* “Okay, we will do just bacon, then.”

Employee #2: “Okay, it will be there in thirty-five minutes.”

Me: “Okay.”

(Twenty minutes later the delivery guy comes in.)

Employee #3: “I have an order for [My Name].”

Me: “That’s me.”

Employee #3: “Okay, so that will be $3.94.”

Me: “No, we have the stickers. It’s supposed to be free.”

Employee #3: “This is the delivery fee.”

Me: “We didn’t pay a delivery fee last time, and no one said anything about a delivery fee this time.”

Employee #3: “Let me call my manager.”

Me: “Okay.”

Employee #3: *calls manager* “Okay, so yeah, it’s $3.94.”

Me: “No, I was never told about a fee. If I’d known there was a fee we would’ve gone and picked it up, because one of our housekeepers is out getting our regular Sunday food order the boss buys us.”

Employee #3: “Well, I have to get the delivery fee.”

Me: “Call your manager back, please; I want to talk to him.”

Employee #3: *calls manager*

Me: “Hi, so, we’re supposed to be getting a free pizza for sending customers to you. Last time we did this, we got a large four-topping and there was no charge for the pizza or for the delivery, and now I’m being told it’s only a medium one-topping and I have to pay a delivery fee. I was never told about this fee, and I’m not going to pay a fee I was never told about.”

Manager: “I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t here the last time you ordered, so that was a mistake. It’s always been a medium one-topping pizza. And the delivery fee is on every order to cover our costs.”

Me: “I understand that, but I was never informed of this delivery fee. Like I told your driver, if I’d been informed, we would have picked the pizza up ourselves as we have staff out getting other things right now. I’m sorry, but I’m not paying a fee I was never told about.”

Manager: “The pizza is $8.99 and is free. But the fee is for the gas and wear on the driver’s car.”

Me: “Look, I understand that, and I’m telling you I was never told about this fee and I’m not going to pay a fee I wasn’t informed of and could have avoided by picking it up myself. So, you have two options. 1) Waive the delivery fee this time as I wasn’t informed and now we know for next time or 2) take your pizza back, because I’m not paying today. I’m handing you back to your driver and you can tell him what you want him to do.”

(I handed the phone back to the driver and walked away from the desk to help the housekeepers with something. I turned around and, sure enough, the pizza was gone. Seriously, I get that this is “costing” them money — although they probably made more in profit from the multiple customers we’ve sent their way than the pizza and delivery fee — but expecting a customer to pay a fee they were never informed of and didn’t have to pay in the past is ludicrous. We won’t be talking this particular chain up to guests anymore, that’s for sure.)