Explanations As Clear As Water

, , , , , , | Right | December 30, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pool Store]. How may I help?”

Caller: “How much would a new pump be for my pool?”

Me: “Have you got an in-ground or an above-ground?”

Caller: *long pause* “I don’t know.”

Me: “You don’t know?”

Caller: “No! How could I?”

Me: “All right. Go into your back yard, and run at the pool. If you fall in, it’s probably an in-ground. If you bounce off, it’s an above-ground.”

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Honesty Among Thieves

, , , , | Right | December 27, 2010

(A couple walks in and sets off the alarm. It is store policy to ask if they have just bought anything and suggest they go back to have it desensitized.)

Me: “Hi. Did you happen to just buy something that might have set off the alarm?”

Customer: “No, we just stole a boatload of stuff next door and are coming in here now.”

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Loyalty Ist Verboten!

, , , | Right | December 14, 2010

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be [total]. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

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Sharing One’s Loss, Part 2

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2010

Caller: “I saw on my online account that this book I have out is lost.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “But it’s not lost; it’s right next to me. I can see it!”

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Don’t Take Customers At Face Value

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2010

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “You look like a serial killer!”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yeah, you look exactly like you’ve killed someone, then locked them in your basement. But maybe that’s just the kind of person you look like. I don’t know; I’m not here to judge.”

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