Very Quickly Put The Matter To Bed

(We have just moved into a new house in a new city. My adult son and I both need new beds. The two of us go into a store that sells beds and are met by a salesman.)

Salesman: “Welcome to [Store]! What are you looking for today?”

Me: “I need a firm mattress and he—” *points to son* “—needs a soft one.”

Salesman: “So, we need something in the middle, then?”

Me: “I am not planning on sleeping with my son! We need two beds!”

(Very sheepishly, he showed us around the store.)