I Sense Toil And Trouble

, , , , , | Right | February 19, 2011

(A customer hands me a ticket to a movie that we are not ready to let people into yet.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The auditorium for [Movie] is just being cleaned right now.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

Customer #2: *comes running up to me* “What did you say about [Movie]? What’s wrong?”

Me: “Nothing is wrong. We’re just cleaning the seats and aisles before we let people in.”

Customer #2: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said it was being ‘cleansed.’ I don’t want a movie theater that believes in that new-age, spiritual, witchcraft stuff!”

Me: “Oh. Nothing like that happens here.”

Customer #2: “Good!”

(The movie she was waiting to see? ‘Season Of The Witch.’)

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IQ Phone Home

, , , | Right | February 17, 2011

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Phone Support]. What appears to be the problem?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m calling because I have been unable to make phone calls from my home phone.”

Me: “Ma’am, what phone are you calling from right now?”

Caller: “My home phone, why?” *pause* “Wait, you’ve fixed it! Thank you!” *hangs up*

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Discounted Intelligence

, , , | Right | February 14, 2011

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine, and you?”

Me: “Also fine; thanks for asking! Just to let you know everything in the store today is 40% off.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “I… I don’t know how else to explain that to you.”

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Identity TV Determined

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2011

Customer: “Are you on the show [TV show]?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “You know the show [TV show]? Are you on it? Cause you really look like a character on it.”

Me: “No, I am sorry I am not.”

Customer: “Are you lying to me? I am pretty sure you are that girl from [TV show]!”

Me: “No, I work at [Coffee shop], not on a television show.”

(This went on until my manager had to step in.)

Manager: *sarcastically* “Yes she is on [TV show], she just likes to fly hundreds of kilometers back to Wasaga to work at [Coffee Shop] because she needs extra money.”

Customer: “I knew it!”

(Later on, she brought her boyfriend back and tried to convince me to give her an autograph.)

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Breathless Anticipation

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2011

Customer: “I want to make a complaint about that young man that works here. He didn’t help me at all and I need to find a certain book.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Was the book misplaced? Is that why he couldn’t find it?”

Customer: “Well, no. He didn’t offer to help me at all. I walked by him three times and sighed loudly, and it’s his job to know that I need help and to help me out.”

Me: “Are you complaining because he’s supposed to assume that you need help, even when you didn’t ask him for help?”

Customer: “It’s the polite thing to do! No one here can find books, they’re all shelved funny and it’s your job to know that we need help finding them. Make him do his job properly!”

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