I work as a specimen receptionist in a pathology laboratory that is connected to a public hospital setting. I do data entry for bloodwork so it can get tested. The area I work in has seven workstations. Each workstation has a phone. I am by myself for whatever reason and the phone rings.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from pathology. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello, I was just wanting to talk to you about your overdue power bill. We can help you set up a payment plan today.”

Me: “Um, just so you know, you have reached a hospital.”

Scammer: “Oh.” *Hangs up*

I chuckle slightly and go back to work.

The next phone along rings. I transfer it to my phone.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from pathology. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello, I was just wanting to talk to you—”

Me: “Hi. Hospital again.”

The scammer sighs and hangs up. Even more amused, I go back to work again.

The NEXT phone rings. I transfer it to my phone. By this stage, I am suspicious.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from pathology. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “Oh, for God’s sake.” *Hangs up*

I laughed openly and then stared expectantly at the next phone. Disappointingly, it did not ring.

I’m sitting in the library working on my summary notes for a music extension class, preparing for a viva voce — a kind of oral exam — tomorrow. My best friend comes up behind me and starts reading over my shoulder.

Best Friend: “Why are half your notes in Italian?”

Me: “…I’m actually secretly multilingual and never told you.”

Best Friend: “O… kay… Not gonna lie, I’m a little hurt.”

Me: “My guy, it’s music stuff.”

Best Friend: “OH!”

Back in 2002, I was in Sydney training a group of people on how to use our software. The training took five days and involved the use of Windows XP, keyboards, and mice. It was expected that the trainees would be familiar with the use of Windows, etc.

After the first two days, one gentleman was having huge difficulties with making his mouse work correctly. After checking the mouse wheel — not optical in those days — and the surface he was using and using it myself, I could find no real problem.

Then, he asked:

Trainee: “Am I allowed to use my left hand on the mouse?”

He was profoundly left-handed and had spent two days using the mouse with his right hand as that was how it was set up on day one.

Once he changed, he was fine.

I work in customer service for a bus company. We have different service schedules/timetables for weekdays, school holiday weekdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Public holidays operate on the Sunday timetable.

Me: “[Operator], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller #1: “Yes, I wanted to know, is tomorrow a normal timetable?”

Me: “No, as tomorrow is Good Friday, it will operate on a Sunday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Oh, so is Saturday a Sunday timetable, as well, then?”

Me: “No, ma’am, Saturday is a normal Saturday timetable, and Friday, Sunday, and Monday are all on the Sunday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Oh, so is today a Sunday timetable?”

Me: “No, ma’am, as today is Thursday, it is a normal weekday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Is today Thursday?”

Me: *Banging my head on the desk* “Yes, ma’am, today is Thursday and therefore a normal weekday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Oh, thank you.”

A bit later:

Me: “[Operator], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller #2: “I’m looking up the timetables on your website and it says, ‘Bus operates public school days only.’ Does that mean that it operates today?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, as today is the last day of public school, that bus will operate today.”

Caller #2: “I’m just trying to understand, if it says, ‘Bus operates public school days only,’ does that mean that it operates on days when public school is on, or on the school holidays?”

Me: “That means that it operates on the days when the public schools are open, and as today is the last day of term one for public schools, then that bus operates today.”

Caller #2: “I’m just confused. Does it mean it operates on public school days or public school holidays?”

Me: “Ma’am, as it states, ‘operates public school days only,’ that means it operates on public school days only.”

I’m not sure how else to spell this out.

Caller #2: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Absolutely, ma’am.”

Caller #2: “O-okay, then.” *Hangs up*

Cue more head-desking.

I’m in the back sorting through orders when I hear the sound of someone up the front. I’m the only person working today, so I go up to check on the customer.

I arrive just in time to see this man MOVE a very heavy sign that I’ve placed in front of the door, for the express purposes of keeping customers out of the store. He makes a beeline for the counter, where there is clearly no one to be found.

Me: “Sir! You can’t be in here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please.”

He stops dead, looks at me, and then slowly starts backing away.

Man: “I didn’t know.”

Me: “That’s okay, but I’m still going to have to ask you to leave.”

Man: “I didn’t know.”

I’m ignoring the fact that the sign he moved to get in was very obviously placed in front of the only entrance. It turns out the man wants a refund for an order he placed yesterday. Now that I’ve got the guy’s name, I know exactly who it is. He’s a regular. I KNOW he knows that customers aren’t allowed inside.

Man: “I didn’t know.”

I processed his refund and he left, still muttering “I didn’t know” as he went.