(I’m working at a popular clothing store in the fitting room, helping customers and running clothes back to the store front. The fitting room also leads right to the restrooms. After a trip to the front, I come back and hear a customer coughing from one of the two restrooms. I hear the toilet flush and think its the end of it. Nope, I hear more coughing and another flush and the customer finally leaves the restroom; it’s an old woman.)

Me: “Ma’am, is everything all right?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m all right. It’s not contagious. I just got a little ill, a stomach ulcer. You take care, dear!”

(Fearing the worst, I take a quick look into the bathroom. Thankfully I don’t see or smell anything immediately, but I decide to put a wet floor sign in front of the bathroom to try and dissuade any other customers from using it while I get a manager to deal with it. I should mention that while I can clean spills at the store, only managers can deal with bodily fluids, which this definitely qualifies as.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager #1], a customer got ill in the bathroom. I blocked it off as best I could and it doesn’t look bad at all, but it still might need to be cleaned.”

Manager #1: “Oh, absolutely. I have some bleach I can use to clean it up later. Thanks for letting me know!”

(Thinking it is all taken care of, I head back to my post and hear a toilet flush. I look back and someone has moved the wet floor sign out of the way and used the bathroom. She doesn’t seem bothered by it, but I try leaning the sign against the door, to try a bit better to block it. It can’t be locked from the outside, at least not with a key I have. About an hour later, the manager I told about the mess leaves and, as far as I know, hasn’t cleaned the bathroom. I never see him come back, but he may have forgotten; it is a busy day. After another customer moves the sign to use the bathroom, so I decide to tell the next manager who comes in about it.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager #2], a customer got sick a while ago in the bathroom and I told [Manager #1] about it, but I don’t think he got around to it. Can you take care of it?”

Manager #2: “What kind of sick?”

Me: “Um… stomach sick?”

Manager #2: “Oh, no. Nope. Not going to do it.”

Me: “Are you sure? It didn’t look bad at all; it just needs disinfecting.”

Manager #2: “Nope, I don’t deal with that stuff. Make an ‘out of order’ sign and stick it on there.”

(My manager ended up making the sign and had me post it on the door. And that’s the story on how one of our two bathrooms went out of order because a manager didn’t want to clean it as she was specifically trained to do.)

(I’m working at a booth at a nerdy convention when a man wanders in:)

Guest: “Where am I?

Me: “Our booth number is AA11.”

Guest: “No, I mean… what’s all this?”

(He waves generally around the room.)

Me: “Oh, this is the vendor’s hall. Are you looking for something specific?”

Guest: “No… WHAT’S GOING ON? WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?!”

Me: “Um, it’s [Convention].”

Guest: “WHAT?!”

(I notice he isn’t wearing a pass.)

Me: “How did you get into the event?”

Guest: “What event? What’s happening?”

Me: “Um, I think you should talk to security; they usually don’t like people getting in without a pass.”

Guest: “WHAT EVENT?! WHY IS THAT PERSON DRESSED LIKE THAT?”

Me: “That’s a cosplayer.”

Guest: “NO!”

(And with that, he left, panicked and confused.)

CONTENT WARNING: Physical Assault

(As floor manager, I have a phone on me that employees can call if they have issues. I get a call from an employee who says she has a customer who wants to speak to a manager about a return. I can hear the angry customer yelling in the background, so I radio security as a precaution. When I get there, the customer is red-faced and yelling at the employee. He looks at me and rolls his eyes.)

Customer: “I said I wanted to speak to a manager! Manager! Not for you to call a friend over! This is bulls***!”

Employee: “She is the manager.”

Customer: “Bulls***.”

(I tap my metal nametag, which says my name and, “Manager,” and reassure him that I am the manager.)

Customer: “Bulls***! You think you can get away with a fake nametag and get out of trouble? I want the real manager now!”

Me: “I am the manager, and if you don’t lower your voice, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

(Suddenly, the customer lunged at me and grabbed my arm, pushing me back against the counter, and started trying to rip my nametag off of my jacket. He succeeded in basically grabbing and groping my breast while I tried to get away, before the pin back popped open, gouging me. Suddenly, one of my plain-clothes security guards appeared, grabbed the guy from the back, and pulled him to the ground. The guy finally stopped fighting and the police took him in. I had a cut, and bruises on my upper arm and chest. We had a mountain of paperwork between the assault and the fact that a security guard got physically involved. I found out that in his defence, they guy kept repeating that he thought I was a fake manager, and therefore that the assault should be okay!)

(I get a call from an employee about a child who is causing some issues, and has been wandering unsupervised for a half hour. The kid is about two or three years old, no parent around. The child has taken makeup samples and is smearing them on the floor and on himself, “finger painting,” and making a huge mess. Besides this, the kid seems dirty and his clothes are torn.)

Me: “Hey there. What’s your name? Where is your mommy?”

(The kid doesn’t answer. One employee talks to the kid and get his name out, but when asked where his parents are, the child shakes his head and starts crying loudly. Security for the store comes down, and we take the kid behind the counter where it’s quieter and give him a promotional plush toy to calm him down. Security starts making an announcement.)

Security: “One of our smallest shoppers seems to have lost his adults. Please report to any cashier if you need help.”

(No one responds, and mall security shows up and says the police are on their way. It’s now been over an hour since my initial call, and because of all of the circumstances, we are worried the child was abandoned at the mall. Store security takes the child to their office. I get a call that police have arrived with a CPS officer, and I go down to meet them and take them to the office. Halfway down to the door, a well-dressed woman stops me.)

Woman: “Hey, where did you take [Son]? I’m ready to go now.”

Me: “I… What? We’ve been paging you for a while.”

Woman: “Oh, I thought those were for someone else. I knew where he was. I left him to play by the makeup while I bought a purse. I saw he even got a free stuffed animal! But it’s time to go now. Where did you put him?”

Me: “Ma’am, wait right here. There’s some people you have to talk to.”

(The police and CPS found her story to be as weird as I did, and I spent the next month receiving angry phone calls from her and threats of lawsuits because CPS investigated her.)

(I am with my mom when she gets a voicemail from an obvious scammer. She decides to call the number the voicemail was sent from. She puts it on speaker phone so I can hear, as well.)

Scammer #1: “Hello?”

Mom: “Yes, I just received a voicemail from your company about a warrant I need to pay off?”

Scammer #1: “Yes, yes, we can help you pay off your warrant; we just need you to answer a few questions for security. What is your birthday?”

Mom: “[Date that is not her birthday].”

Scammer #1: “Okay, thank you.” *hangs up*

(Bewildered by the sudden hang up, my mom calls the number again and gets a different person.)

Scammer #2: “Yes, hello?”

Mom: “Hi. I was just talking to a coworker of yours about paying a warrant, but I answered one of his questions and he hung up on me.”

Scammer #2: *pause* “Look, ma’am, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but this is a scam, all right? Don’t give these people your information or money, please.”

Mom: *holding in laughter* “Okay, thanks for telling me.” *ends call*

(We spent the next few minutes laughing and congratulating the honest scammer.)