And Pop! Goes Their Patience

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2017

(A lady comes in with a child who looks to be about eight or nine. The lady is talking on her cell phone.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

(The customer throws her ID on the counter and continues talking.)

Me: “Ma’am?”

(She gives me a dismissive wave and continues talking. Meanwhile, her daughter is eyeing my basket of lollipops, and a line is starting to form.)

Me: “Ma’am? What can I help you with?”

Customer: *to caller* “Hold on.” *to me* “$300 cash, obviously! Geez.”

Me: “And how would you—”

(She turns her back on me, and continues the conversation.)

Me: “—like that back? Great. A guessing game. How fun.”

(I process the transaction, and wait for her to finish up her call so I can count back the cash. Her daughter scoots closer to the counter.)

Child: “Excuse me, miss lady. May I please have a lollipop?”

Me: “You sure can! You can have more than one, for being so polite.”

(She smiles, selects two, and quickly puts them into her jacket pocket.)

Child: “Mom? MOM? The teller lady is all done! Can we go now?”

(The lady waves off her daughter.)

Me: “And YOU get two more lollipops for being patient! Here you go!”

Child: “Cool! Thank you!”

(The mother hung up her phone, snatched her cash off the counter, and headed out the door. The daughter was right behind her, hiding her lollipops behind her back.)

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Mixing With A Bad Crowd

, , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I’ve recently moved to a small town in Texas and I’ve started working at a country club that also has a bar. I don’t work in the bar, but I know the general workings of it since the whole place is so small. One afternoon the regular bartender can’t find anyone to cover the bar for her so she asks me to work. She tells me the basics and everything seems good. The problem is that she has lived in this town her whole life and has worked here for almost 20 years, and therefore knows everyone’s names and families, and exactly what everyone drinks. This becomes a problem, because I don’t.)

Me: “Hello, sir. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’ll just have my usual.”

Me: “All right, and what would that be?”

Customer #1: *sigh* “My usual. Are you deaf, girl?”

Me: “No, sir, I just haven’t learned everyone’s drinks yet. I’m sorry.”

Customer #2: *sitting next to him* “He always gets [Drink].”

(I go to make the drink and I grab the glass I was told to use for that type of drink.)

Customer #1: “No, no, no! That’s the wrong glass! I always have the other glass!”

(I grab the other glass, fill it with ice, and go to put the liquor in first.)

Customer #1: “No! The soda always goes in first!”

(It really doesn’t make any difference, but I put in the soda anyway and grab the liquor again.)

Customer #1: “I hate that liquor; I always drink [Other Liquor]! And don’t forget my lime and olives!”

(At this point, it’s not even the same drink that he ordered, and I’ve never seen limes or olives in this type of drink, but I finish the drink and hand it to him.)

Customer #1: “Finally! That took way too long; they should fire you! [Bartender] always has it ready when I walk in. Where is [Bartender]?”

Me: “She has the day off today; it’s her granddaughter’s birthday.”

Customer #1: “Well, I don’t give a d***! She should be here so I don’t have to wait all day for a drink!”

(The bartender apologized the next day for forgetting to warn me about him and said that he was notorious for being difficult and everyone just kind of ignores him.)

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A Desperate Resort Customer Resorts To Lies

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I work at a resort facility that attracts all kinds of customers from business people during the week to weddings on the weekends, but especially appeals to families with our waterpark and arcade fun-center. We have a cancellation policy of 24 hours prior to the guest’s check-in time at 4:00 pm. I overhear the following story between my coworker at the front desk and a lady on business travel. A guest walks in the door with a tight frown and balled fists.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I didn’t know that this was a family hotel! The website didn’t say anything about this being a family-friendly hotel! I want to cancel my reservation!”

(Doesn’t “resort” sort of imply that there is more to the building than JUST our hotel?)

Coworker: “Well, unfortunately, it is already past the cancellation window. So, you will still be charged for the night.”

Guest: *sourly* “What?! I can’t believe this! I’m here for business, and I don’t want to be bothered by kids running wild in your stupid hotel. I’m sure the rooms are just going to be crappy, too!”

(This is a Tuesday, and there is almost no one in our hotel today.)

Coworker: “I do apologize, ma’am, but that is our policy. It is actually fairly quiet today, as we are only at 22% occupancy. I will place you on our top floor so that you will have the most quiet, with no one above you. Also, since you are here for business, I would be glad to remove the $7.95 resort fee for you since you won’t be using the waterpark.”

(At this point the guest is quiet and they complete the check-in process. Five minutes later there is a call from our in-house phone from her room.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Coworker] at front desk.”

Guest: “I want to speak to a manager!”

Coworker: “All right, I will need to put you on hold while I radio him to come to the phone.”

(My manager comes to take the call and is silent for a long time while he listens to her complaints about the room being dusty, having a streak on the mirror, among other nitpicky things she tried to find as soon as she walked in the door. Apparently, she is pretty nasty about it, since I can hear her from my computer.)

Manager: “I’m very sorry about that. Let me see what I can do here for you, and I’ll give you a call back.”

(He upgrades her to our whirlpool suite at an even more reduced rate. Then he has our housekeeping inspector go make sure the room is perfect. Just as he is about to call the guest back, she arrives at the front desk.)

Manager: “Oh, I was just trying to call you. We have a whirlpool suite ready for you, if you would like.”

Guest: “NO! I am not staying here! The room was a mess! This is horrible service. And this was the last straw: I found a cockroach in the bathtub! I have pictures if you want to see.”

(Of course, he does want to; we don’t have bug problems, as it is March and still too cold for bugs. We certainly wouldn’t have roaches. Her photos don’t show much really and she conveniently does not have a photo of the bug.)

Guest: “I want to check out now and receive a receipt with my zeroed-out balance.”

Manager: “All right. I did reduce your rate for you, so it will only charge you $65.00. Here is your receipt.”

Guest: “WHAT?! You are still going to charge me?! You are a horrible manager, and I’ll get you fired for this! I’m going to call my attorney and take you to court! I’ll spread reviews all over the Internet!”

Manager: “You are free to do that.”

Guest: “Augh!” *storms out the door*

Manager: *under his breath* “You bet I’m still going to charge you!”

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When Customers Scam Themselves

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I work at a kitchen and bath showroom that sells sinks, faucets, showers, etc.)

Customer: “I want this shower set!” *points to an expensive set*

Me: “Great. That one is wonderful! Now, do you already have this brand in your shower or are you opening the walls?”

Customer: “I don’t see why you need to know that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but every brand’s showers have specific valves that are placed in the wall. Each brand only works with their valves. To change a shower, unless you stay with the same brand, you also have to switch valves.”

Customer: “Oh, that is a lie. Everyone knows that is a scam to get more money.”

Me: “Well, the valve only costs about $40 for this brand. It’s one of the most affordable valves!”

Customer: “Whatever. Just give me this shower.”

Me: “Okay, sir, your total with the valve is-“

Customer: “I don’t need the valve! Stop trying to charge me more!”

Me: “Oh, so, you do have this brand already?”

Customer: “Ugh, no! I just told you that I am onto your scam!”

Me: “Sir, I won’t sell you this shower unless you buy the valve. The shower won’t work. I won’t sell you an item that is not going to work.”

Customer: “How dare you! Are you denying me service for not going along with your scam?”

Me: “No, I am saving you money and refusing to scam you by selling you an item that will not function for you.”

Customer: “I cannot believe this! I will get you fired for this! You are discriminating against me for not going along with your scheme!”

Me: “Sir, all you have to do is buy a $40 valve and place it in your wall. Every shower has one. Every brand has one. I am trying to save you a lot of time and wasted effort.”

Customer: “I will never shop here! I am going to [Our Biggest Competitor]!”

Me: “That is fine, sir, but they will not sell to you without the valve or the same brand already being in place. If they do, then they are scamming you out of your money.”

(The customer storms out. Three days later:)

Same Customer: “I want to buy that shower and valve.”

Me: “Okay, great. I am glad that you came back to purchase.”

Same Customer: “I went to the other store and bought the item and it didn’t work. But because I opened it, they refused to refund me. I have to buy this twice now. Why didn’t you tell me that I needed the valve?”

Me: “…”

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The Color Of Incompetence

, , , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

I am draftsman in a construction company. I recently did a project modernizing a school. Since it was a public school, our client was the city’s planning department and the person in charge was a civil servant with degrees in architecture and engineering.

Right at the start, things got out of hand. After submitting our ground-plans I got a call from the civil servant. She explained to me that she didn’t like the colours in the plans. I politely explained to her that the colours were determined by a standard and that there was nothing I could do about it. Submitting plans not according to standard can be a huge hassle, since they can be rejected, and we’d have to start over with the approval process. Nevertheless, she insisted we change the colours, so I told her I’d talk to my boss about it.

He told me to propose to her that we’d change the colours under the condition that they pay the entire price for the planning twice as overhead. He hoped that this would make her back down, since that’s a lot of money for essentially ten minutes of work. The civil servant, however, immediately agreed to it.

From there on, it only went downhill. Turns out the architect had planned a server farm in a heritage-protected attic made out of extremely flammable 200-year-old wood. No way we could weld or solder up there without a 24/7 fire-watch person. We proposed a solution to the engineering lady: Using plastic tubes instead of the steel tubes, which would not only be cheaper but also last longer. The lady in charge immediately declined and said we should hire a fire-watch at their cost.

As you can imagine, the project soon went over budget and we had to stop working midway through, since there were no funds left. By then, we had installed all the tubes and cables, but the actual server farm and cooling units were still missing. Four years went by like that and the legal warranty for our work expired.

The city soon took note of that and pleaded to the state government for securing more funds. They got barely enough money to finish the project. However, engineering lady had another plan and used the money to extend the warranty for another four years… for a system not running. Always glad to see my tax dollars well spent.

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