23 Stories About Employees Giving The Customer The Perfect Comeback

Dear readers,

Customer service employees usually have to maintain professional composure, smiling and polite, never seemingly bothered by grumpy and overbearing customers. Sometimes, though, the customer can say or do something so profoundly unacceptable, that a response is required, and when the perfect one-liner or comeback presents itself, it would be a crime not to say it!

Here are 23 stories from our archives about the perfect zingers to put those customers back in their place!

When Life Presents A Fork, Choose The Right Way – When the customer demands free stuff, remind them exactly what they’re already getting.

Not A Believer – The customer gets out exactly what they put in.

Who’s Got The Power Now, Part 2 – If you work in a call center and don’t get daily death threats are you even trying?

Some Behavior Is Beyond Brief – When the manager has your back, and your comeback.

Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3 – The clerk probably shouldn’t have said this, but we giggled anyway.

Postal Paranoia – When the customer is THAT paranoid we don’t think arguing logically is going to work.

When Grave Concerns Are Warranted – How to make a sale for the ages! (And aged)

Buuuurn – Jesus needs to turn the water into healing cream because you just got burned!

If That Doesn’t Work, Try Hogwarts – The clerk, the witch, and the impossible wardrobe.

Quite Rightly, Waiting Impolitely Is Unsightly – You get less comebacks with honey than vinegar.

Refund Rejects – When the customer IS the cockroach!

Solid Answer – You’re going to “love” this response!

I Came, I Complained, I Became An Employee – When they think they can do it better… let them!

Honesty Is The Best Return Policy – Customers always try to get away with this, but don’t throw away the towel!

Symphony In Underage Minor – Imagine being so entitled that you assume you can buy people?

Second Thoughts About Second Sight – It’s an older joke, sir, but it checks out.

Actually, There’s Probably An App For That, Part 2 – The clerk knew where this was going.

The Conversation Has Taken A Sudden Dive – The laws of physics would like to have a word…

Acting Cents-less – Hundreds of years of facts… versus her opinion.

A Grave Realization – So funny you could just die.

No Civility, No Social Graces, No Service – The daddy of all shutdowns.

Floods Cause A Whole Raft Of Problems – A flood of common sense does nothing to stop this customer.

Un-Four-tunate Inch-uendo – When the perfect response comes from the customer’s wife.

We hope you enjoyed this collection of buuuuurns! Know any stories we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!

Check out more roundups here to see if you’ve missed any!