In my city, we had two well-liked local fast food chains: [Burger Place #1] and [Burger Place #2]. They were similar in many aspects, but there were quite a few differences. One difference was that [Burger Place #1] served deep-fried mushrooms, and [Burger Place #2], where I worked, did not.

Customer: “I’d like some deep-fried mushrooms, please.”

Me: *Politely* “Sir, you’re at [Burger Place #2], not [Burger Place #1].”

Customer: “I know where the h*** I am, and I want deep-fried mushrooms!”

Me: “We do not have deep-fried mushrooms; we’ve never had them. I know that as a fact; my older brother started working here the day after they opened.”

Customer: “I was here last week, and I was served deep-fried mushrooms! If you don’t give me the deep-fried mushrooms, then I will call the owner! I know him personally!”

Me: “You do? Why don’t I go right over to the phone and give him a call? I’m sure he would love to talk to you right now.”

The customer turned around and walked out.

I am eighteen and have recently started a job at a garden store, and since I go in knowing almost nothing, I have to look up a few answers for customers.

Customer: “Excuse me? Can I have some help real quick?”

Me: “Of course! What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I need a good groundcover that can take mostly shade. It’s going under a large tree in my backyard, and it needs to be able to take lots of water.”

Me: “Okay, I have a few options in mind. Will they be in the ground or in containers?”

Customer: “They’ll be in the ground. I just don’t want the dirt showing under the tree.”

Me: “Okay! Here are a few options right here that love shade.”

As I am talking to her about the limited options she has, she wanders off farther down the table, where our more sunny groundcover is.

Customer: “What about this right here? This has pretty flowers on it and looks like it spreads nicely. What is this right here?”

Me: “That’s creeping thyme.”

Customer: “Will this do well in the area I want it?”

Me: “Let me double-check just to make sure.”

I pull out my phone — we’re all allowed to do this for this exact purpose — and look up the sun and watering needs for this creeping thyme. From what I find, this is the complete OPPOSITE of what she wants! Creeping thyme likes full sun and it’s drought-resistant.

Me: “Oh, it looks like that’s not a good one to go with. From what I’m seeing here, creeping thyme likes lots of sun and it does not like water.”

Customer: “But I like it, though. I’ll make it work.”

Me: “If you have another area you’d like to put this in, then that’d be great! But the area you described to me would not be suitable for this plant.”

Customer: *In a condescending tone. “No, no, it’s okay, it’ll work. It’ll be okay. I like this, so I’ll take it and plant it there and it’ll do just fine.”

Me: “No, ma’am, the thyme will die in that area because it’ll be overwatered.”

Customer: “You can’t overwater plants, dear. That’s not a thing.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you can, and it’s really easy to do since most don’t realize they’re overwatering until it’s too late.”

Customer: “Well, this will not be overwatered, and it’ll all be okay.”

She puts the flat of creeping thyme in her cart, which is $22.50.

Customer: “It’ll be okay, dear; I’ve been gardening for many years.” *Looks me up and down* “I can tell you just got out of school, so it’s okay.”

Me: *Now taken aback and laughing a bit in shock* “Uh, no, ma’am.”

Customer: *In a knowing tone, looking me up and down again* “Okay. Well, I’ll plant this in my yard, and it’ll all be okay.”

The woman then walked away, leaving me at the groundcover, deeply unnerved. To most people, these plants are just that, plants, and they are replaceable. But to me and my coworkers, we do care deeply about these plants and want to ensure they’re well taken care of.

I did tell my managers about this woman, and since she bought a flat of creeping thyme, she cannot return or exchange it, so really, she washed $22.50 down the drain.

A customer comes to my register to purchase some dolls.

Customer: “Please don’t put them in a bag. It will suffocate them!”

Me: “Um, okay, ma’am.”

Customer: “I take them home and make birth certificates for them and give them names!”

She was very strange. Very.

I work for an accounting firm. I do bookkeeping for clients who have outsourced to us. I work remotely 95% of the time, barring a few client meetings here and there and a couple of mandatory in-person staff meetings. My normal availability is 8:30 am to 5:30 pm, Monday to Friday, Miami time. I am not paid to be on call and, unless it is a massive emergency where my boss calls me directly, I do not log in or check messages on weekends. Work-life balance, for the win!

Recently, one of my clients lodged a complaint to my boss. This is pretty rare for me, except in a handful of instances with shadier clients who have asked me to do things that were illegal. Obviously, my boss has no issue with me refusing to break the law just because a client thinks we should.

This complaint was different. This was a newer client who complained that I was ignoring all of her communications and that I was unresponsive and unhelpful. The client threatened bad reviews and that she was going to call several other clients to warn them — these were clients who had recommended us to her, and specifically to me, since I also work on their books.

I found out about it on Monday morning, when I got a call at 8:30 am, the exact time I log in from my home office. My boss gave me the customer’s complaint and forwarded the email from the client specifying that I had not responded to at least six emails and several phone calls asking for assistance.

I started pulling up my email and VOIP (through my PC) phone history and asked my boss to hop into a meeting where I could share my screen with her to show her the client’s communications.

The first email came in at 7:24 pm on Friday evening, nearly two hours after I had logged off for the weekend. There were five more increasingly rude and disparaging emails, demanding an immediate response, which came in that evening until 10:20 pm my time. I also had a series of voicemails that paired up with the emails in timing and tone, with the last one demanding an immediate call back “or else!”

My boss asked me to forward all those communications to her, along with screenshots showing the original receipt times, so she could call the client.

When my boss called me back, she told me why the client felt I was ignoring her during business hours: the client is currently vacationing in Hawaii and was assuming my availability would remain the same based on the time where she was located and not where I actually live and work.

My boss issued the client a “final warning” about treating our staff with respect, or we would stop her services with no further notice, and she reminded the client that even if it was a normal business day, it is possible I had the day off or was meeting with another client and may not be able to respond in a given three-hour window, which is why our contract specifies one full business day response time.

So, even if it was during normal hours, her behavior was still inappropriate and unprofessional. Nice to have a boss who understands contracts and has our backs!

This story is part of our ‘Clients From Hell’ roundup!

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When you rent flats/apartments, you usually have two keys: a key to your private residence and a key to the front door that you share with different tenants. Private keys can be duplicated anywhere; front door keys need a license.

Our company gave the license to a key maker that has shops all over the Netherlands. They usually ship the key within the week to the person who ordered it. You can also go to a store and get one while you wait. I get a call.

Client: “I ordered a key and they told me it can take up a month before they send me my key!”

Me: “That is indeed a long while. Did they explain to you why it would take so long?”

Client: “They said something about having a backlog. I don’t care about backlogs; I need that key!”

Me: “Well, you can also go to one of their stores and get one there.”

Client: “I don’t have time for that! Don’t you know how busy I am?!”

Me: “I apologise if I insulted you with my suggestion. Let me call the key company and ask what is going on.”

I put the client on hold and call the key company. It turns out that in the past two days, they suddenly had a lot of orders. Because the clients rent our homes, they have to give a reason why they want a new key. Most reasons are “I lost my keys during vacation” or “my child is going to high school and will need their own key”. High school will start one week from now.

I thank the key company for their information and return to my client.

Me: “Thank you for waiting. I found out the reason for their backlog. It turns out that quite a few people returned from vacation and are ordering replacements or extra keys. The key company didn’t expect that and are doing the best they can to handle all the orders as quickly as possible.”

Client: “But I need that key! It is an emergency!”

Me: “There is an emergency? What kind?”

Client: “My daughter needs that key before Monday!”

Me: *Having a hunch* “And why does she need a key?”

Client: “She will be starting high school then!”

Me: “I understand, but how is that an emergency? And why couldn’t you order one sooner?”

Client: “We returned from vacation two days ago; we couldn’t order it any time sooner! So, I expect that key this Friday!”

Me: “I understand you want that, but that is impossible. A lot of people ordered for the same reason, and they ordered it earlier.”

Client: “You don’t have children, do you?”

Me: “Sir, schools closed two months ago for summer vacation. You could have ordered it then or perhaps even earlier. I’m sorry, but this is not an emergency, and you’ll just have to wait your turn.”

Client: “Then let me talk to someone who knows what he’s talking about.”

Me: “You are free to file a complaint through [email address]. I got my information from the key company themselves. If there is any… aaand, he hung up.”

I made a note. I later found out that he called three more times and all my coworkers gave him the same information.