Customer: “Excuse me, can I buy three tickets?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out.”
Customer: “Isn’t this [Town] High School?”
Me: “Yes, but this show is sold out.”
Customer: “How many seats are left?”
Me: “None. We’re sold out. There’s another show tomorrow at–
Customer: “Well, next time you should think about being already sold out before you start selling tickets!”
(I am a bookstore clerk at the local high school. I am talking to a mom who is getting the books her daughter needs.)
Mother: “My daughter doesn’t have a problem with comprehension! She just doesn’t understand the material.”
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(I am sitting quietly in Current Affairs class when I get a tap on the back from a student behind me.)
Student: “Hey. Is Dick Cheney the funny man on TV?”
Me: “No, he was the vice president during the Bush administration.”
Student: *blank look*
Me: “You know, he was the one who shot his friend in the face while quail hunting?”
Student: “Oh, my God, he what?! Wait, what’s a quail?”
Me: “It’s a type of bird.”
Student: “Why on earth would anyone kill a bird?”
Me: “To eat?”
Student: “That’s disgusting!”
Me: “Where do you think chickens come from!?”
Student: “Oh… right. I swear I’m not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!”
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Customer: “Do you carry books by Shakespeare here?”
Me: “Yes, we do. Which play did you need?”
Customer: “The one that sophomores read.” *gestures to the teenager next to her, presumably her daughter*
Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not just one play that sophomores read. Do you happen to know the title, or maybe what it’s about?”
Customer: *loudly* “The-One-That-Sophomores-Read!”
Me: “Well, let’s walk over to the section and see if we can figure it out. A lot of early high school students read A Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo & Juliet.”
Daughter: “I think Romeo & Juliet.”
Me: “Great!” *pulls out a copy to hand to her*
Daughter: “I don’t know though.”
Me: “Okay. Well, could it be Hamlet, maybe? Or Julius Caesar?”
Daughter: “Julius Caesar? Isn’t that the sequel to Romeo & Juliet?”
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Me: “Hi, you’ve reached the office of admissions at [Private High School]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “I’m looking at schools for my daughter, and I was wondering if you could tell me some of the benefits of your school.”
(I discuss the benefits of being a student at my high school.)
Caller: “Are you a student here?”
Me: “Yes.”
Caller: “Do you see the programs changing in the next few years?”
Me: “How many years?”
Caller: “Well, my daughter is starting preschool in a month.”
