(A military surplus shop in town is going out of business and having a sale on the remaining merchandise. I am walking around browsing, when the owner approaches me.)

Owner: “If you find something you want, I’m giving you an extra 10% off.”

Me: “Really? Why?”

Owner: “I saw you pick up the shirt that had fallen off the rack and replace it.”

Me: “But I was the one who knocked it off in the first place!”

(He must have been used to some really impolite customers.)

(Our prints and copies cost $.05 for black and white and $.40 for color.)

Me: “Your total is $2.51.”

(The customer hands me $20.51, with a twenty dollar bill.)

Me: “Do you, by chance, have anything smaller?”

Customer: *with an annoyed look on his face* “No.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I give him his $18.00 change in single bills because that is all we have in the register.)

Customer: “Can you not give me a $10 bill?”

Me: “No, I can’t. Because of our prices, most people tend to pay with $1 bills.”

Customer: “Well, can I get that $20 back and pay with a $5?” *holding out a $5 bill to me*

Me: “No, because I asked you that in the first place.”

(A coworker has just finished ringing up a customer’s items and begins asking the usual required questions.)

Coworker: “Would you like to apply for the store credit card today, and save 30% when you’re approved?”

Customer: *condescendingly* “Credit card? My husband and I don’t believe in them!”

Coworker: *very seriously* “Oh, I assure you ma’am: they’re real.”

Customer: *confused stare*

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 73
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 72
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 71

(My boyfriend and I have discovered that one of our favorite independent movies has been removed from our movie-streaming network. We tend to joke around a lot and feign being overly dramatic.)

Boyfriend: “I guess we’ll just have to find it on DVD, or something. We’ll probably have to find it in some obscure, faraway shop, or we might have to battle to the death in some distant, foreign country to get it.”

Me: *wide eyes and gasps* “Yeah, like somewhere called…” *pause, pronounces strained and incorrectly* “…Ama-zoh-n!”

(A coworker has just finished making a bucket of pizza sauce. In our store we make sure all product has a sticker listing the expiration date and time. A manager comes to talk with the coworker.)

Manager: “Hey, did you date the sauce?”

(Before [Coworker] can speak, I interject.)

Me: “Nope, he took it to one dinner and figured out they weren’t compatible.”

(Everyone laughs.)

Manager: *to coworker* “I’m going to tell your wife you’re cheating on her with a redhead.”

Me: “A robust, saucy redhead!”