A Complete Ba-SKET Case

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2010

(At our store, we have a dish called the Bruschetta (bru-SHET-ta) Chicken Pasta. I am delivering a party their food.)

Me: “So that leaves the Bruschetta Chicken Pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “I didn’t order no bru-SHET-ta! I ordered a bra-SKET-ta pasta!”

(I turn around and put the item back on the tray, pause, then pick the same bowl up again.)

Me: “Bra-sket-ta chicken pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

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What Came First – The Allergen Or The Egg?

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2010

(I’m a cook at a restaurant. A sandwich comes back rung up “No Mayo, allergy”. I call the server back to the kitchen.)

Server: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “So, what’s the guy allergic to? The eggs or the vinegar?”

Server: “What do you mean?”

Me: “That’s what’s in mayonnaise. Eggs and vinegar. If he’s allergic to the eggs, I’m going to need to get rid of two of the things on the sandwich. If it’s the vinegar, I’ll need to get rid of four. If it’s any of the other chemicals or preservatives or whatnot, I’ll have to leave off everything.”

(The server goes and talks to the table, and returns a minute later.)

Server: “He’s not really allergic to anything. He just wanted to make sure that it didn’t have mayo on it.”

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A Poser By Any Other Name

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me… how much is this?”

Me: “$24.99.”

Customer: “But the sign says it’s $19.99! Ha! So you have to give it to me for that!”

Me: “Ma’am, the sign says $19.99 and up.”

Customer: “But it’s the law!”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, it is $24.99.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a lawyer, and it’s the law!”

Me: “You’re not a lawyer, are you?”

Customer: “No. How did you know that?”

Me: “There is no such law.”

Customer: “You’re too smart. I just thought I’d try to scare you into changing the price.”

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Kosher Klash

, , , , , | Right | May 25, 2010

Customer: “Could I have a hot dog?”

Me: “Sure, would you like any toppings?”

Customer: “Cheese, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a Kosher deli and as per our religious belief, we cannot serve cheese with certain kinds of meat.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not Kosher, so I want cheese on my hot dog.”

Me: “Well, even if I was permitted to serve that, which I’m not, we do not have any cheese which would be suitable for melting onto the hot dog.”

Customer: “Well, fine, then I’ll take my business elsewhere! I’m not going to stand here and be discriminated against! You Kosher people should just go back to… Kosheria or wherever it is you come from!”

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Emergency Services Must Be Pooped

, , , , , | Right | May 19, 2010

(I get dispatched to a call: ‘one-year-old male, possibly crying.’ We get on scene and the mother opens the front door with a happy and healthy baby in her arms.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Mother: “Well, my baby just looked terrible so I freaked out and called you guys.”

Me: “It’s not a problem. Can you tell me what happened?”

Mother: “It was right after dinner. He looked confused, turned bright red, and started crying uncontrollably.”

Me: “And when did he stop crying?”

Mother: “He just stopped right before you guys got here. I changed his diaper, and here we are.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think I know what the problem is. Your baby was just constipated.”

(At this point, the grandmother walks in the room.)

Grandmother: “You called 911? He had to poop! I told you he wasn’t ready for solid food! I’m sorry, guys. You can go back to the people who really need your help. I got this.”


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