(It is right around the time when Pokémon Go has come out. I take a fairly serious fall and injure my hip. When it doesn’t improve after a few days, I go to a doctor who specializes in sports injuries.)
Doctor: “How did you injure your hip?”
Me: “I fell off a stepladder.”
Doctor: “Oh, thank goodness! You’re the first patient I’ve had all week who didn’t injure themselves playing Pokémon Go.”
(It is the start of a new school year, in third grade. We have some free time to talk about our summers and such. One of my classmates has a package of ten quite large erasers, and is showing them to everyone.)
Classmate: “Isn’t it cool? They’re brand new!”
Teacher: *in a snotty tone* “Are you going to make that many mistakes?”
Class: *stunned silence*
(That attitude made her the most disliked teacher in the school.)
(I’m the dumb employee in this story. I’m working as a cashier, and having just started the new job a week earlier, I’m not familiar with all of it yet. The customer has a huge pile of paper trash bags that are tied with a string. I assume I have to count them all since each bag has an individual bar code.)
Me: “Do you know how many bags there are in this?”
Customer: “Sorry; no.”
Me: “I’ll just have to count them then.”
Customer: “Okay.”
(I start counting and am getting near to seventy when I’m interrupted.)
Customer: “I can the see the price tag on the shelf from here; it says 80 bags.”
Me: “Oh, thanks!”
(At this point, I finally read the barcode, not having done so before.)
Me: “Oh. It says 80 on the computer. I didn’t need to count them. I’m sorry!”
Customer: “New, aren’t you?”
(Luckily, they were understanding and didn’t start an angry rant.)
(My husband and I work near each other and carpool to work. He is dropping me off at my office.)
Me: “I really don’t feel like doing [work task] today.”
Husband: *in a suggestive tone* “Well, I can think of an alternative to doing [work task].”
Me: “Yeah, but I don’t get paid for that.”
(I’m twenty-four and I’ve liked The Beatles since I was sixteen. A new documentary about them has been released to the theatres, so I decide to check it out. Most of the conversation happens in Finnish, but the documentary was released under its English name, “Eight Days a Week.”)
Me: “Hi! I’d like these.” *points to the soda bottle and the chocolate bar that I set on the counter* “And a student ticket to Eight Days a Week.”
Employee: “What?” *says something incoherent*
Me: *assuming I said the middle part too quickly* “A student ticket?”
Employee: “But which movie?”
Me: “Eight Days a Week.” *short silence* “The Beatles film…”
Employee: “A Monster Calls?”
(This film also goes by its English name in Finland.)
Me: “No, Eight Days a Week. Beatles.”
Employee: “A Monster Calls, at what time?”
Me: “No. Eight Days a Week, The Beatles, at [time].”
Employee: *brings up the seating chart for A Monster Calls* “This one?”
Me: “No.”
Employee: *finally brings up the seating chart for Eight Days a Week* “This one?”
Me: “Yes…”
(I wonder how horribly I mangled English to make “Eight Days a Week” sound like “A Monster Calls.” Or maybe I was just too young to be buying tickets to the Beatles documentary.)
This story is part of our Beatles roundup!
