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You Can “Take On Me” But Really You’ll Be “Livin’ On A Prayer”

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2017

You Can “(My friend is the manager of a hotel in our town, and is also the DJ. The restaurant is having an eighties theme night, and he plays the music from that era. Past midnight, a quite-drunk man comes to him and makes demands.)

Customer: “You need to play something better! Play some new stuff!”

DJ: *jokingly* “Sorry, sir, but tonight is the night of the dinosaurs.”

Customer: *upset* “But I want some good music!”

(Again my friend shakes his head. The drunk man raises his voice and shouts:)

Customer: “If you don’t play the music I want to hear, right now, you will be very sorry. I know the manager of this place! I will call him and have you fired!”

DJ: *with a smile* “Really?”

Customer: “Yes! Will you play something better, now?”

DJ: “It is still a no!”

(The customer goes away, cursing. The DJ tells me later:)

DJ: “I really wish he would have gotten my number and called me right there. It would have been nice to see his face when I picked up my phone and looked him in the face and said, ‘Hello?’”

The Older Have Less Time

, , | Right | November 22, 2017

(I am conducting customer interviews for a local mall, by phone. Note that I have to ask the age of the interviewees so we don’t get too many answers from our older customers.)

Customer: “Hi!”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Company]!”


Me: “We are conducting customer interviews regarding malls. Would you have the time to answer a few questions?”

Customer: “I guess I do.”

Me: “Okay, may I first ask your age?”

Customer: “I don’t have the time, bye.” *hangs up*

Pokémon Go To The Doctors

, , | Healthy | November 15, 2017

(It is right around the time when Pokémon Go has come out. I take a fairly serious fall and injure my hip. When it doesn’t improve after a few days, I go to a doctor who specializes in sports injuries.)

Doctor: “How did you injure your hip?”

Me: “I fell off a stepladder.”

Doctor: “Oh, thank goodness! You’re the first patient I’ve had all week who didn’t injure themselves playing Pokémon Go.”

Can’t Erase That Comment

, , , | Learning | October 31, 2017

(It is the start of a new school year, in third grade. We have some free time to talk about our summers and such. One of my classmates has a package of ten quite large erasers, and is showing them to everyone.)

Classmate: “Isn’t it cool? They’re brand new!”

Teacher: *in a snotty tone* “Are you going to make that many mistakes?”

Class: *stunned silence*

(That attitude made her the most disliked teacher in the school.)

Will Be Here Until We’re Eighty

, , , , | Working | October 3, 2017

(I’m the dumb employee in this story. I’m working as a cashier, and having just started the new job a week earlier, I’m not familiar with all of it yet. The customer has a huge pile of paper trash bags that are tied with a string. I assume I have to count them all since each bag has an individual bar code.)

Me: “Do you know how many bags there are in this?”

Customer: “Sorry; no.”

Me: “I’ll just have to count them then.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I start counting and am getting near to seventy when I’m interrupted.)

Customer: “I can the see the price tag on the shelf from here; it says 80 bags.”

Me: “Oh, thanks!”

(At this point, I finally read the barcode, not having done so before.)

Me: “Oh. It says 80 on the computer. I didn’t need to count them. I’m sorry!”

Customer: “New, aren’t you?”

(Luckily, they were understanding and didn’t start an angry rant.)