Customer: “This sticker says three-for-two. What does that mean?”

Me: “It means that if you choose three books with that sticker on, the cheapest will be free. You get three books for the price of two.”

Customer: “But what if I only want two books?”

Me: “You don’t have to have to take a third book. You can just buy those two on their own. But you could get a free book to go with them; any book in the shop with that sticker on.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t want 3 for 2. Why are you trying to make people read books they don’t want?”

Me: “I can just sell you those two on their own. You don’t have to make use of the deal.”

Customer: “But it says three-for-two, so I’d be missing out on a book.”

Me: “Well, you can choose a third book in the deal. Then you’ll get one for free.”

Customer: “But I only want these two!”

Me: “Okay. Shall I put those two through the till for you?”

Customer: “Are you trying to rip me off? I want my free book.”

Me: *pause* “Would it help if I took the stickers off the covers? Then they would just look like normal books.”

Customer: “Right! Yes! They shouldn’t be three-for-two, anyway! They’re really good!”

(It is closing time. I come across a man in the reptile section staring intently at one of our pythons.)

Me: “Sir, just to let you know, the store will be closing in about–”

(The customer silences me and continues to watch the snake.)

Me: “Sir, did you–”

Customer: “I heard you. I’ll be out in a minute. This brat can’t last much longer.”

(The snake moves to the side, and so does the customer. It slithers back to its original position and he follows suit. I notice his eyes are quivering all this time and he hasn’t blinked once.)

Me: “Sir, forgive my asking, but are you trying to have a staring contest with Archie there?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You do know snakes can’t blink, right?”

Customer: “Oh, now you tell me? I’ve been challenging this brat for the last ten minutes!”

This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

(A woman and her daughter are standing by the cigarette counter where I am working.)

Child: “Mummy, can I have a chocolate bar?”

Mother: “Okay. Pick the one you want and give it to the man.”

(There is a long, tense pause as the child and I look at one another.)

Child: *in a very condescending tone* “Mummy. I think it’s a lady.”

Me: “She is correct.”

(I set up temporary redirections for customer’s mail after a house move whilst they get around to telling people that they’ve moved.)

Me: “How long would you like us to redirect your mail for?”

Customer: “Until everybody knows I’ve moved.”

Me: “Well, how long do you think it will take you to tell everyone?”

Customer: “Me tell everyone?  Don’t you do that for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s up to you. We don’t know who writes to you.”

Customer: “Well, you should! You deliver the letters to me!”

Did you find this story using our Postal Workers Workers roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. I want to go on holiday this summer. I’d like to visit somewhere a bit different.”

Me: “Would you be interested in visiting mountains or skiing at all?”

Customer: “That could be fun. Except I don’t like the cold.”

Me: “Well, places like the Pyrenees are in Spain, so it’s very hot at ground level and there’s lots to see.”

Customer: “What? No, mountains are cold. They have snow on.”

Me: “Yes, the peaks are colder because they are at a higher altitude.”

Customer: “The bottom bit is hot?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “…but I thought mountains only grew in cold places?”

This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!